Saturday, September 20, 2014

another go round with . The Dragon

they can go to ..... okay that is.....ugh



 up up 

I have just been through two days of absolute cattle up up up….No not cattle… And don't forget that when I laugh Dragon interprets that as "up"…… As I was trying to say, I have been through absolute hell with an infected computer… It was so sick the computer Dr. had to take it home and operate on icrap what happened here t surgically. He brought it back yesterday but I think it's missing a few parts and possibly the main components of Vince Braden will well oh, oh….I was sure that in Tuesday… I was trying to say the main components of its brain. God it….Not quite….Got it.

Omifod........ oh dear, I'm afraid it's going to be a long cold winter. However, I cannot give up yet….If I could only get this thing going properly to make it possible for me to  b LOG….Or whatever you call this abomination. How do you like that, it does fine with abomination and fails miserably with blog (manually typed by me….I have to teach it a lot of words).

 I am coming to you today at tattered rep… No,,,,, rack rank you you're giving up? I wonder if I can spell a word…… WRECK.  Finally! I can see that I'm going to end up even more of a double you are he see K then I was before. In fact, we can't go on like this. I will do some more work teaching Dragon before we are fully operational.

Meanwhile, garbage though it may be, you cannot accuse me of not posting.

More later.

Love the low… Shall we try that again?
Love, LO
 


Monday, September 15, 2014

Once More I Attack the Dagon and Vice Versa


NOTE - this is a test… For the Dragon dictation program, for you and for me. Results will not be graded, tenks gott!




Well folks, your intrepid blogger has picked herself up from the floor, applied Band-Aids where necessaryand then is preparing to do battle again with the Dragon program.

I don't know if you remember the last time I tried this…… Some of the results were borderline acceptable and some were hysterically funny and wrong, wrong, wrong. As I recall, I gave up after having to teach the program my favorite word "ship hits Fox". (Dragon's interpretation of my favorite cuss word bears no resemblance whatsoever to the real thing), and after I taught it "shitpissfuck" for the 20th time and it forgot it for the 20th time I just dissolved into a puddle of tears and gave up. It's only recently that I found out that I should have stored each day's lesson in Dragon's memory before logging off. Who knew? Anyway, I plan to try again and hope you :dear souls will all bear with me till both Dragon and ts thenI get it right. It sure as hell is a lot easier for me to dictate my thoughts than to type them with my Dick's let..... dyslexic fingers and have to go back and correct every other word. I'm going to leave a lot ofthe funny bits and misinterpretations for your amusement. It shouldn't be any worse than having to put up with all the typos. I've been dealing out to you, so get ready for a new adventure or disaster. Or maybe a little of both.....

I really don't have any news I feel like telling you right now except for my latest makeshift invention to enable me to see the stock market charts on the computer. I have found that there could be such a thing as too much light so the other day, I grabbed a towel, draped it over the computer monitor and draped it over my head to make a sort of tense… tenant….Tent (the AMM I see.......the what?)….(Dammit). There I sat, a hunched over lump with the computer and me lurking under a purple towel from which issued forth curses, screeches and piteous moans. Believe it or not, it worked fairly well but was uncomfortable as hell… I will have to come up with a better solution, but it may extend my career as a dabbler in the market. As you can see I will go to any Lance to get what I want now but I whoops… Lance?   who the hell is Lance??  Try that again… I will stop at nothing to achieve my goals… Well almost..... No, that is a lie....... these days, after 20 or 30 attempts, I just give up.....  enough already.

Some of this experiment is a bit more satisfying than the last, probably due to the fact that I have lowered my standards considerably. 

I hate to leave you in the lurch, but I am being summoned.   Tootsie is demandin withy a soulful chorus of meows and caterwauling (forgi e me, I couold not resist) that I I come and serenade her. And I think I should quit while I'm if not ahed at lest not losing too badly.

let's score it Dragon 22/64ths - Lo 5***** for effort. Okay, let's hit publish and see what we've got.


Sunday, September 7, 2014

Back to Being My Old Humble Self

I just realized tht unless I get off my ass and post a new smattering quickly, my pages of self promotion (courtesy of Mr. Joe Hagy and Manzanita)  will remain displayed till eternity.  Horrors!   Hell, even I am sick and tired of reading how wonderful I am.......(only I know the real truth and I am not going there today).

Trouble is, I have   a page of notes of stuff I want to tell you about, but as all bloggers know, I have to pull together the threads of the harrstive in my currently befuddled brain before launching forth.  I won't deny tht I am struggling mightily with the vision problem and only have workable sight for a few hours after waking before the eye is worn to a frazzzle and  goes on strike relegating me to the recliner and books on tape,  but I just broke down and opened my purse, let the moths fly out and purchased a newer version of the Dragon progrsm which lets you dictate the contents of your mind (untastefully and strangely edited by Dragon's own mind.....if it can be called that......so nxt week I will force Florence to read me the insgtructions and I will tackle that again, hoping that this time, when I teach it "shitpissfuck" I will have enough sense to storee it in Dragon's memory so I do not have to reteach it every damned time I use the word (which, as you all know, if often, to say the least).




And while the purse was open and the moths  given their freedom, I made yet anothe extravgant purchase.....a brilliant idea that came to me one night while I was waiting for the fickle bastard of a
Sandman to come by.  I spend a lot of time trying to think of things I can do that do not require much vision and one day a few weeks ago I suddenly had a technicolor vision of an electronic keyboard of the kind that Pete;s piano man used to use when we had a gig in a place with no real  piano.  It came upon me that if I had one of those things I could learn a few chords and not only entertain myself but even accompany myself dur4ring my bouts of bursting forth with song. The birds whom I used to sing to may be gone but the cats still seem to respond well to my warbling and poor Florence and Ann,, my caregivers are too intimidted to protest.   (so far)

Well, the fact is that it arrived a few weeks ago, but aside from assembling the stand I have not yet had the courage to open the carton with the keyb oard, mainly because it will require someone to read me the instructions (oh, how I hate that) and also the messages we have read indicate that it wants a dedicated electric plug of it's own....none of those exteded things that run the ccomputer, the printer, the CD plyer, the coffee  maker, the can opener.......need I go on?   In this old house, many of whose wall sockets do not contain a third hole for the ground plug it may require unloading and moving a huge  breakfront full of my china collection to get to the plug behind that cabinet.  How I could have been so stupid as to fail to plug something into both of those wall outlets before putt the cabinet there I cannot explain to you or myself.  We just won't go there.  Rather than do that I may just call an Electrician and have a new outlet instslled within reach.....,,I am only considering that possiblility because I not only obtained the keyboard at an incredible bargain price, but I was able to apply a ton of my credit card points to the purchase making the thing close to free.  Oh, and I also did the same on the Dragon program and got that on a day that Amazon lost their minds and offered it at a ridiculously reduced price.   Laugh if yu like, but my Mamma always told me, "Waste not, want not".....truer words were never spoken.

Anyway,  I have promised myself thst this coming week I will get the keyboard plugged in even if I have to run an extension cors to my neighbor's house4.....they are away on a 6 week vacstion and I think I could flummox the house xitter into allowing me to try that.

So,. my deas, that is what I have been up to (or not up to) since last we met.  I promise to keep you updated on my progress ? if any should occur.  Meanwhile, let it be known that my swelled head has shrunkn bck to normal size and I am once again forced t6o make peace daily with all my shortcomings.
At least this week, failing to blogg is not one of them.


Love, Lo
Note:  This blogger takes no responsiblility whatsoever for any slanderous or plagarized material which may occur due to this blogger's inablity to properly edit or correct typos or computer generated malapropisms.  Anything that comes out accidentally funny however, I will take one half the crdit for......after all.....it is my blog.

Friday, September 5, 2014

Lo Is Speechless Again

Anyone who hangs around this corner knows of my Late-Life Cyber Love Affair with the incomparable blogger, Mr. Joe Hagy of Cranky Old Man,one of th funnist blogs on or off th plant..  We often toss bouquets at each other and rarely does a rude word pass between us, (though I oftn disagree with his position on things, w got Respect) but this past Tuesday Joe published his 2014 Walter Awards and knocked my socks off by bestowing one on me.  This after the marvelous Manzanita's glowing tribute last week has both taken my breath away and given me a swelled head so monstrous it restricts me to the house because it is too damned  big to pass through my doorways.  I an assuming that this condition will gradually fade as I face reality in the coming weeks or months, but I cannot deny that I am enjoying the hell out of these Oscars/Walters.

I sit here facing the fact that the words "Thank You" are so puny as to be useless, but they are all I've got, espcially in this enfeebled state.  So without futhr maundering I present below excerpts from Joe's Tuesday post



THE WALTER - 2014


A Cranky Old Man Award

"The Walter"

It is September, time for the second annual awarding of


“The Walter.”


Because, unlike Suldog http://jimsuldog.blogspot.com/, I believe there cannot be enough blog awards, so I have added my own.  It is named after Jeff Dunham’s hysterical cranky old man puppet, “Walter.”


This award recognizes those bloggers who post consistent (3 days a week or more) original, humorous and or thought provoking material, and or anyone I damn well feel like awarding it to.


To accept this award you need only grab it from above, and display it on your blog.  (I assume no responsibility if it is stolen copy written material)

There are no questions to answer. If recipients wish to award it to anyone they feel meets the above criteria, you are hereby authorized to do so.

If you want to see last year’s winners you can find them here:



The part of this process I don’t like is leaving out so many great bloggers.  I follow lots of bloggers, I like all the blogs that I follow and I read all the posts; so if I follow, know you have received an Honorable Mention Walter, also, there is always next year!


 The Final WALTER is a Lifetime Achievement award and goes "It's always something..." posted by Lo @ http://loisstearns.blogspot.com/

Lo posts only sporadically as of late due to failing eyesight.  She is an interesting feisty lady and to read her posts is to fall in love.  I admit to having a blogmance with Lo but I am willing to share.  Go, visit, read her older posts and fall in blogmance yourself.

If you can read this Lo, I must add “SPF!”

                      *************************



And all I can say is SPF and WOW.   I luv ya, Joe.

Oh, yeah........one other thing.  If you are so  unfortunate as to not be familiar with Cranky Old Man I urge, nay I command you to rush there imnnediately .........you can thank me later.




                     





Sunday, August 31, 2014

Holy Crap...."It;s Almost Like Being In Love"

For all of you young whippersnappers who are unfortunate enough to have missed the glorious music of the Big Band era of the 40's (when music was musical) I will be kind and honest in admitting that my post title was taken from a lovely song  whose lyrics go:

       What a day tghis has been
        What a rare mood I'm in
         Why, it's almost like being in love.

I could go on and quote the whole thing.....the sentiment is totally wonderful......in fact, if I were 20 years younger I would plug in my mic and go to utube and sing it and post it here on my blog to enlighten if not entertain you, but I am being realistic and I must hoard my energy.  Perhaps I will do that another day when I have not used up most of my perkyness on cleaning poop from kitty boxes.    (Sunday is my "on my own" day without a caregiver to do the rugged work. though I actually do not ind cleaning kitty boxes and am an expert at analyzing the contents ......real cat lovers examne poop carefully for signs of ill health in their darlings and I have been known to kiss my cat when she has shown me in this strage way that she is healthy and happy.   I dare you to scoff.......you heatless bastards who are sniggering.....you have not just finished a week of trying to administer anti-diarrhea medicine to an unwilling  cat.

But I wander, I digress.  I guess having teased and tickled you into a state of anticipation I have to explain my exhilaration and it will not be easy........there have been a lot of good things happening and, in truth, I cannot cover all of them in this one blog, but I promise to follow up with mnore blathering until I have enlightenbed you fully on the blessed basket of good stuff that has dumped itself upon me in the past week or so.

First, the bad news.......no, I have not regained my 20/20 vision. 

But the retinologist did squeeze my hand last week abd told me that, despite my fears abd complaints to the contrary,my good eye is holding up fairly well and has not changed measurably since January.    I found that to be greatly reassuring.  If I can just keep the sight I have I will not complain......even though it now takes me 30 minutes to read a few paragraphs it is far better than the proverbial poke in the eye with a sharp stick.   I read very little now, saving my sight for my daily
wrestling matches with the Stock Market whose fluctuations have caused many of the strange dents and holes in my plastered walls from endless head bashing.  It will probably jinx me to speak of it, but I am also rejoicing over the best month I have had in that damned market in the past 3 years.  If I had half a brain I would immediately sell everything on Tuesday whenthe market reopens and bank my winnings, but I cannot do that because then I would have no reson to leap out of bed in the morning to see if I have vanquished the market or vice versa.  (of course, it is usually vice versa)   I can still barely see the charts enough to trade and, believe it or not, that activity has helped mightily to keep me alive, interested in life  and to polish the marbles I fortunately still have left in my head.

Perhaps the most galvanizing and energizing and effervescent thing that has happened to me recently is an unexpected heap of praise and appreciation which has been poured over me by fellow Blogger extraordinaire, Manza, of "Wanna Buy a Duck".  I haad not visited my blog for some time nor read anyone else's  but todayI  found a bunch of lovely comments by new followers who had been directed to me by some incredible things Manzanita had apparently had to say about me in a recent blog.  When I made my way there and read her words I was stricken speechless and still am (well, metaphorically speaking).  You all know that I write for two reasons....to forcefully express my thoughts and opinions to anyone who will listen and. more importintly, to entertain and, if possible make people happy.  It is a shock and a blessing to be told that I have managed to do that.  Thank you, Manzanita, from the bottom of my heart, (and please forgive me for misspelling your name in the comnment I left on your blog.) 

Along the same lines, I want to thank all of you dear followeres for your loyalty and words of encouragement.  You are beyond wonderful!

Love, Lo

Sunday, July 27, 2014

Murder, Mayhem on One Front and Some Progress Otherwise on Upper Califa Street

Just a few lines for now......... I wanted to  reassure you that I am doing mostly OK though a bit shaken by the cruelties of Nature.  The bad news is that damned horny, murderer, Frankie Finch has done awqy with his spouse, Doris,  just like he did way with the other female, Judy, a few months ago.  I was aghast when I discovered the crime and fuiousw at the murderous little beast.  I immediately had Florence take the cage with the culprit in it ad all the bird supplies down to the bird store and gave them to the owner with a warning about Frankie's felonious habits. He said he would put him in a cage wit a lot of other males and all would be well.  Humph.  Even though the info on finches told me that doe happen I did ot think it would happen under MY roof.  Sigh.  So, thus ends the adventure with the Fabulous Finches.  Actually, I hd been considering giving them away because I could no longer see them, but this really galvanized me into action and, actually it was probably meant to be because now the sun room which used to be Finch Acres is occupied by rescued kitty, Tootsie who desperately needed a place to stay out of that cramped carrier inside the cage where she had been eating up a frenzy but getting no exercize for four whole weeks.  I had followed the instructions of the Recuers but then had to deviate and follow my own instincts/  So, with great effort we moved the cage containing carrier and cat into the sunporch, opened up the cage door and let things happen.  At least she finally cae out
and stretched her legs.


Lest this confirm your ideas that I am totally bonkers I must tell you the kitty project has been very good for me........gives me something to be interrested in and also a challenge which I am not so sure I really want, but hell......it IS something to get me out of the chair or the bed.

It has been a bit of a circus.......I have really made great progress with little Tootsie........After I grilled up some chicken livers and tempted her out from under the wicker couch  and all thhe sundry cat furniture I actually got a look at her abd amazingly got her to nibble a piece from my hand!  She is still a bit wary of me but she is eating up a storm and using the kitty box like a good girl.  I hyave discovered the funniest thing.....she seems to likeit when I sing to her just like thye finches did.  She closes er lovely green eyes and seems hypnotied.  The birds used to reactt the same way when I sang to them. Hmmmmm I guess my voice has some strange hypnotic quality......just call me the cat whisperer.  Fine with me.....I love an appreciative audience.
And so it goes on Upper Califq St.  A bit of melodrma and a bit of heartwarming soap opera.


I am not proofing this  so good luck....hope you can make out what I meant to write.  Sorry it has been so long between blogs, but some days just getting out of bed is all I can manage.  I will try to do better.....I know.....promises, promises........butm hell, just wait till you get to be 87......you probqbly won't remember how to spell Shitpisfuck!

Sunday, June 15, 2014

Cat Lady to the Rescue....She Never Learns Does She?

Oy......

I must have been out of my mind.  Last Wednesday  a neighbor (who is another crazy  animal person)  claled me and asked if I could help save a feral kitty whom rescuers had trapped starving in the channel of the LA river (big concrete channel dry as a bone most of the year)  All I would have  to do would be  provide a place in my back yard to put a cage containing the kitty and feed her etc for a few  weeks till she recovered from being spayed and got used to the scents of the neighborhood so that when we released her back into the wild she would remember where th food was and come to my porch buffet evenings  .  It is a program called TNR.....trap, neutr, release and I am a huge supporter.....it is the best way to control the proliferation of feral cats.....many people feed the feral colonies, but this way we cut down on the number of newborn ferals. 

I said no  at first b ecause my own half wild kitty Baskin who lives in my yard and garden shed might be annoyed or spooked since he coniders the yard his own.  Anyway,, in the end I weakend and agreed and now I have this sweet  but totally wild critter in a huge cage with her carrying case inside plus a kitty box, food, water, a blanket.  She spends almosgt all of her time inside the carrying case, only coming out to eat, use the box and once, to lay on top of the carrier to get the morning air.  All I have to do is go out each morning, open the cage carefully blocking the opening with my bod, clean the kitty box, put in fresh water and food and talk sweetly, trying to coax her out so I cn see her  and get acquainted.   Yeah.  I made the mistake one day of reaching into the carrier to tickle her and she eruped from the carrier runing up my arm, jumped on my head, then ran back into the carrier while I thanked my lucky stars she did not maim me.      Scared the daylights out of me though, because it might have been ugly.  Now I wear my workmans plastic goggles when I go out there....I refuse to lose my eye or any blood with this project. 

I go out again in the afternoon and give her more food and again in the evening to give more food and water and move the cage front against the wall so the damned raccoons cannot open it.  They come each night to visit her on their wayto their buffet  but can't get at her fortunately, though they try.  All  tey care about is the food inside but they can't do any real damage and she is safe hiding in er carrier inside the cage.

.......so that is what I have been up to and will be doing for the next month probably.  They do not want to release her too soon.  I am hoping she will tame down a bit....I have only seen her once when she was lying on top of the carrier inside the cage.  As soon as she saw me looking at her she ran back inside.  With my poor vision I cannnot see her in there. She is a tortoise....black and tan with big green eyes.......one of my favorite types.  Don't know if I can ever tame her and don't really care.  I am sure Paulie would hate her since Paulie owns the house, but I will be satisfied if she just fattens up, gets a bit less wiold and has the sense to hang around for the hightly buffet here and for my neighbor, Marge's daily buffet in her open garage.  God bless all the animal nuts.

 I am really too old ad tired for this nonsense, but, what the hell,,,,,,,can't let a kitty starve.

I will keep you posted as the drama unfolds...probably more of the same.....no sightings.....but one can always ope.

Love, Lo