Oh, Shit, Piss, Fuck......what have I done?
Yesterday some words took shape in my head from lessons learned (and forgotten and learned again and again) which I thought might be helpful to someone I loved and I arrogantly allowed myself to toss those words out into cyberspace without thinking that possibly I might do more harm than good. For one thing, I am pretty sure I left out a lot of important stuff in my effort to explain something nearly inexplicable. For another thing, it occurs to me that by preaching a sermon on the Evils of the Ego I was most likely letting my guard down and allowing my own Ego (yes, still alive and alert to any opportunity) to grab the controls and shamelessly show off. Sob. The Ego Label for that performance was probably "Pompous Ass" or some such.
When a beautiful, highly evolved Soul like Mary Moon of "Bless Our Hearts" tells me "thank you very much but I can't quite grasp it" (my words, not hers) then I know I have gone badly wrong.
I can only apologize abjectly and hope I have not done too much damage.
I have huge conflict about saying any more on this subject, but I realize that I really need to clarify a few points before putting duct tape across my cyber-mouth so I will do my best to undo some of the mess I have made. I am only too aware that one person's Eureka is another person's WTF?.
First, I did not mean that you must evict, excommunicate or seize the nearest iron frying pan and bludgeon your Ego to death. The thing I call your "real Self" and your Ego can, I believe, co-exist.......in fact, I think they must. And that is the Self that should be recognized and more in control. I still continue to be a Blumenthal, a Stearns, a Daily, a Widow, Animal Lover, Jazz nut, Octogenarian, Cook, Fool, Computer addict, College graduate, Gardener, Death-to-Horn-Honkers-Bigot, Pollyanna, Member of the Church of the Batshit Crazy, Hummingbird-nurturer, Mild Agoraphobe, Shameful Disliker of Children, Bleeding Heart Liberal, Blogger and Occasional Nailbiter (among 1000 other dubious or praiseworthy Things). The key to my philosophy is that, in addition to all those aspects with labels, I am something more. And that is the something that should be in control as much as possible. Rather than killing or uprooting or even despising the Ego, one must accept it for what it is, demote it and know that the essence of you is the quiet divine and eternal spark that is beyond any of your labels.
My two most important Mantras will continue to be "Accept" and "Let Go". Aside from that all I can say is "Carry water" - "Chop Wood" .
Doctor my eyes
2 hours ago
Honey-Bunny Lo, you weren't the one to confuse me. It's the eternal struggle I DO have with self and ego and all that stuff. I KNOW what the real me is but the other me is me too and shitfire, sometimes I wish I could figure out how to shut it up, or at least muffle it for a bit. Because it does tend to roar with need and I know it for what it is and yet, I let it tell me it's a sweet, sweet voice, just giving me little suggestions along the way.
ReplyDeleteConfused?
I am.
But again I say- I am not confused in how much I love and admire you. And if I ever give you one moment of disturbance then I'll just cry. Which, you know, I never do.
Kisses.
You're the awesomest.
Always...Mary (Today The Gardener)
Mary, dearest......if it is saying anything like, "what will the neighbors think?" just ignore it......otherwise listen and, if it is good advice, take it. (You know how I feel about waste).
ReplyDeleteThanks for the reassuring words....I love you too....you already know that, but I can't repeat it enough.
Lo - I read Tolle, too, and a lot of pinging went on upstairs. The head was buzzing with pings. It is an awakening reading Tolle. Never apologize for any philosophizing or contemplating. It's why you have this space here outside of the atom world. You can float and flit, and do as you please, say what you want to say. It's always interesting to hear your perspective. ;)
ReplyDeleteJayne-
ReplyDeleteWelcome and thanks for the visit and the lovely words. I generally do not have the strength to reply to comments on my blog, but this time I cannot help but utter a heartfelt "Thanks" and tell you how delighted I am to meet another Tolle fan. I will return the visit.
I am only too aware that one person's Eureka is another person's WTF
ReplyDeleteClassic line. You're beautiful ... and probably waaaaay too hard on yourself.
Caught that the first time -- in some ways, the ego is similar in concept to the inner child, not the part to be in control, although it will always be there. Again, thank you.
ReplyDeleteI loved your post. I found a piece of music to describe it. I wish I knew you outside of cyberspace.
ReplyDeleteDearest Lo, loved your list. You're fabulous! xx
ReplyDeleteuuhmmm...Now what was that inscription abobe the lintel to the temple of Apollo in Pompeii?-
ReplyDelete'KNOW THYSELF'
Seems your wealth of experience gleaned over the years has served you well, so don't bemean yourself Lo - it's been an honour to have 'met' you over cyberspace, and you're an inspiration to us all!
Happy Oestrae, and warm Blessings
Willie
I agree with GTC, you are too hard on yourself. The thing is ... to keep searching, thinking, trying to express what's found and keep searching, thinking ... carry water, chop wood, etc. Un-apologetic.
ReplyDeleteI love your posts and your viewpoint and that's what I personally want to hear. Keep doing what you are doing. :-)
ReplyDeleteHoly crap - am I ever happy you found me so I could find you! You are what they call a "sassy dame" and I can't wait to read more!
ReplyDeletep.s. Is there a way to subscribe by e-mail to your blog?
I have to say: "One man's Eureka is another man's WTF." That's my new favorite quote.
ReplyDeleteHilarious!
ReplyDeleteYour "About me" in the sidebar is worth a second read.
I have a new line and it has to do with travel and sex!!! Cyberspace and WTF!! Love it!
ReplyDeleteI have blogged on duct tape! Had it over my mouth for the whole of Lent with only a few lapses!
Lo..I think all of your blogs are amazing, inspiring, and pure enjoyment to read...I really, really, hope you continue to share your wit, wisdom, and your experiences, with all of us,,,When you don't, you are missed so much,,,Love you
ReplyDeleteThe Ego is the ticket to play in the Earth Movie. There I go, slapping makeup on that star! So we make mistakes, as long as we keep our hearts open, we stand a chance in the cosmic eye..or not...Thanks for your wonderful humor...
ReplyDeleteLo I adore you. I'm sure the intention was good, love.
ReplyDeleteSB
When you ring the bell for Tolle, do you still ask for whom the Tolle-ing is for? I can't tell you how many times I extoll the virtuous, the sublime, the pontifical, the absolute final and perfect response to any blog -- and, then, delete it before I do some actual harm... Afraid there's non-stop battle between my Id and my Ego and sometimes it's just too exhausting to play referee. That's why you can find (I'm absolutely positive it has to exist!) the "Apologies for Dummies" book out there, somewhere. My Dad used to say that's why they put erasers on pencils; but, I still have to ask why he gave me a pencil with an eraser at both ends!
ReplyDeleteHa! Carry water, chop wood. Very true.
ReplyDeleteI like your blog!