Thursday, September 15, 2011

Sorry Folks.....No Extended Warranty

 Enhh......I always try to keep my promises, and I intend to continue with that noble effort.  Trouble is, sometimes it ain't easy.  For instance.....

I mentioned in a recent blog the awful fact that I had written a vast ranting outburst against the folks who keep yearning to have  their youth back or, worse yet, their youthful good looks......oy, such a waste of noble effort.  Then disaster struck.   I hit "publish" and somehow sent the whole thing into oblivion....aaaarrrrrggghhh...... sob.

After I mopped up the lake of tears I felt that perhaps it was a good thing that the post  did not see the light  of day because I was  in a deep  funk that day and being really ultra bitchy. After spouting fire and smoke while spitting out a rant usually all that is left is a small pile of dubious ash and one wonders whether the heat was really warranted.   Well, after vacillating back and forth and about that idea  for a few days  (as I am wont to do) I am sort of on the fence about my whether my harshness was justified, but I am going to try to recreate some of my thoughts on the subject because I think it is really important that the world get a new attitude about that ephemeral thing called youth and beauty and stop suffering pain over the loss of something so ....well, SILLY...... the agony of which often blights the whole damned rest of their lives.

I have confessed in these  pages many times that I had a touch of real sadness about not having enjoyed my day in the sun because I never though I was in any way beautiful.  It is only in ancient decrepitude that I see clearly that I was somewhat gorgeous.  I know I am not alone in this sad fact because many of you have stated the exact same regret in  your blogs and I always feel my heart wrench when I read that.....what a bloody shame.  To have once actually possessed the thing that you spend the rest of your life craving and to not have recognized that you had it and  been able to enjoy it is worse than pathetic.  Boo Hoo for us all. 

I also remember vividly how naive, gullible, clueless, uncertain, scared, confused, puzzled, wracked with anxiety and tormented I felt as a teenager (and even a young twenty-something) .  The torture of that feeling of being an outsider, even when you had weaseled your way inside and ostensibly "belonged".  The desperation of feeling so empty inside that you were like an overfilled balloon and every moment of your life was fraught with the danger of someone accidentally or on purpose pricking you with a sharp edge or word causing you to explode and be reduced to a miserable shred of rubber.   Confidence and some measure of inner assurance did not begin to come to me until my 30's and it has been an ongoing process ever since to fill my balloon with solid stuff rather than air.  I still have many pockets that need filling, but I am working on it every day and I no longer dread the approach of someone with a pin.

Of course there are blissful moments interspersed with all the pain that make being young a treasure to be appreciated if possible.  If the pains hurt worse when you are young, the delights are equally extra delicious and ecstatic especially because they are so brand new.  Somehow though, in looking back objectively I find a lot more time spent hunched over clutching myself  in agony than tripping along  a foot off the ground in delight.  (Perhaps I was just unlucky but I suspect not.  So many people have expressed to me their combined desolation and relief at reaching middle age and accepting the fact that they are never going to have a happy childhood.  Once you get that notion out of the way you might have a chance at inner peace..) 

But to look at the whole subject with a mercilessly reasonable eye,  there is a specific purpose for youthful beauty in both sexes that has nothing to do with the Ego, Vanity or your ultimate self worth rooted in your appearance.  It is the job of youth and beauty to attract a mate and get about the excruciating job of propagating the species.  Once you have got your mate and have produced your obligatory 2 or 3 or.....4 etc. offspring, those glowing, dewy, enticing looks are more a hindrance than anything else........I would imagine that any Mother worth her salt would better spend her time attending to the needs of the children, hubby, dogs, cats, goldfish etc. than annointing herself with ungents and potions intended to make her look more like she did before ever getting tangled up with aforementioned distractions.  And the dreadful pangs of conflict and guilt to be wrestled with regarding this choice must be agony indeed.  (Never having had or wanted children I cannot speak from experience about this tenks gott......a wise decision since I would have been a terrible mother of children........animals no, children yes.)

I do not deny that I enjoy looking upon beauty, youthful  or otherwise as much as the next person.......that is what the entertainment world is for.  Many of those called "eye candy" have little to offer except for their good looks to satisfy our need for what Al Capp used to call the "purty face wif naught behind it".  Of course some of them like Mark Harmon, Denzel Washington, Meryl Streep and Scarlett Johanson also bring a load of talent to provide double-barreled joy to us, but the others who just strut their stuff and get into mindless,endless trouble........I will try to be magnanimous and say that their looks alone somehow justifies their existence, but I cannot believe that any of you beloved people would trade their hard won solid structure and character to be a  Paris Hilton or..... who is that wretched young person I keep hearing about....Justin Bieber?  (Who or what the hell is a Justin Bieber?)

 So, if after this penetrating expose you are all still mourning your lost youth and beauty  I am truly sorry.  I refuse offer to share your misery but the least I can do is wish you, "Good Luck."  And, then again.....maybe not. were given the chance at a  life...........hell's all of it.



  1. "AMEN!!!"

    Nothing more to add. Just "Amen!"

  2. Ya know your "lost" post may still be hanging around in draft form.

  3. Lo: Are you SURE you aren't me? Because you sure do SOUND like me!!!

    You took the words right out of my mouth!
    Love ya!

  4. Oh Lo, I do love you so (OK, so I know we haven't ever met, but I hope you'll allow me this little cyber crush. You're smart, funny, straight to the point, unashamedly your own woman - all the things I want to be).

    I'm a little suspicious of ladies my age (late 40s) who try every trick in the book to erase the years (and any trace of character) from their looks. No 1, it sounds like WAY too much hard work and No 2, doesn't it smack of desperation?

    Oh, and by the way, my 14-year-old musician son has precisely the same disdainful response as you to Justin Bieber. The same wisdom from different ends of the spectrum? Must be true, then.

  5. We should all print this out and keep it at hand to read. Perhaps in the bathroom by that damned mirror. Lo, you are a light in the darkness, you are a truth-teller in this world of smoke and mirrors.
    I purely love you.

  6. This needs to be published in all the major newspapers.

    ...and I bet you were beautiful when you were younger - just like you are today.

  7. Oh,my.

    As you all know, I rarely have the strength to answer comments, but I am totally overcome by your rousing response to my mumblings and feel I must say something besides, "".

    I am so glad you liked my thoughts and words and thrilled that they may have brightened your day.

    You sure as hell have brightened mine!
    Thanks you, all.

  8. Oh my. You have hit the proverbial nail on the head with a sledge hammer. Whew. It is the strangest feeling, I think, to walk down the street and watch the young men "NOT" look at you because you are "old" and obviously not a candidate for breeding. Being able to feel comfortable in one's skin -- without longing to be different -- is a great blessing. Thanks for your post.

  9. A great deal of wisdom there. I hope some young people read it and see themselves before they hit 60 or 80 and have to look back.

  10. You have, as usual, wisely and entertainingly hit the nail on the head.

    This is why i won't color my hair.

  11. Thanks for distilling this. I've spent a life raising children, and some grandchildren, making a living, getting on with it. Looked in the mirror once and wondered why I look like that now. Then I realized it didn't bother the people who look at me, so what the hell. Keep getting on. Well, you pulled it all together.

  12. I'll bet you were stunning, in part because of your strong spirit. I wonder why young people spend so much time feeling bad about themselves. Like you, I'm much happier now.

  13. What a post, thank you for putting it together after losing the first one, must have been so frustrating. I have just started to feel confidence in myself in my 30s and can relate to so much in your post. Hells bells I will live my life. Thank you. x

  14. I had an only child and for the past nearly 34 years have been bugged the hell out of for not having is more than enough for me, no one would nurse, raise her, pay for her, love her but her momma & daddy and to tell the truth she is extraordinary and was that from the get go..more than enough to satisfy any momma craving I had or daddy craving my hubby had...I think people who want what they think they had when they were in their youth are nuts, where is the wisdom? where is the life experience, it ain't about the outside but the inside I have always known that..Our only child a lovely young lady doesn't want kids a husband for that matter either..she gets lots of insulting questions and she always just keeps her opinions to herself and lets them wonder what they are saying to whom..She enjoys her life, travels, has the love and adoration of her parents, family, cousins (all boys save one who was born when she was almost 30) and was adored by her living grandmother and grandfather since deceased..She is an old soul in a young body but wise beyond her years, she favors my grandmother in looks, wise and financial judgment of my aunt and has her dad's sense of humor, a sweet angel on this earth...I wish I had taken care of my body now with type 2 diabetes, but I am more physical and watching carefully, I never placed any importance on looks having a half sister who was the darling/looking one with no soul or character at all..Everyone swooned over her and her Mother was my Mother & when she died when I was young, they turned their attention to my half sister..she was spoiled and self-centered cruel, she is now 58 and still that way, the way i see it beauty and youth is what is inside the outside be damned..Your blog is a hoot..I wish I had a sister like you..I feel pretty damn good for 63 and my husband looks great at nearly 64..we are the boomer generation, we both think looks are highly overated, even though my hubby looks 15 years younger than me, he always says I look like I did in 1972 when we reacquainted knew him when I was a i feel young at least at hear..keep up the wonderful blogs, they are wonderful..ciao mjs&es in the 'couv. vancouver usa washington!

  15. I'm pretty sure you must be my sister - even though I don't have a sister.