Monday, February 27, 2012

How the Hell Does She Do That?

I am consumed with envy, jealousy and inadequacy today...... directed at and generated by that incredible Blogger, Ms. Mary Moon of  "Bless Our Hearts".  Not only does she find it easy and therapeutic to blog 2 and 3 times a day, but, even if she has nothing in particular to say, she can, it seems, simply turn on the faucet of stream of consciousness thoughts and let them flow out of her fingertips to the keyboard, producing the most beautiful poetry and prose imaginable. Sigh.  I do love ya', Mary.

I have been wondering what kind of blog I would produce if I started, for instance, describing my day in detail from the moment I open my eyes.....or even before that.  Perhaps some of you might be interested in how an ancient's day begins.   Let's see how that would work out..........

"Ugbh.....grmph.......yuck.......aaaaaagh.......what is that wet thing pressing against my face......I hope it is a nose and not the other end....(I sniff cautiously to see if the kitty box nearby is wafting any yucky scents toward me)...what the hell time is it anyway.......dear god, does that say 5:13 am???.....wretched  beast.....if you think you are getting breakfast at this hour you had better reread your contract......later, Dude....(in my half sleep I pet, pet, pet).....that is all you are getting now. GO AWAY  aarrrrgh........zzzzz."

Through one slitted eye I see the sky is slightly tinged with that strange, soft, pale green, pre-dawn tint.  If I listen carefully I can barely hear the beginning traffic on the 3 Freeways nearby.  This is the closest you can get to silence here in North Hollywood anymore unless you put plugs in your ears and when you do that you are even more aware of the tinnitis ringing in the interior of the ear canals.  Besides, they are damned uncomfortable.   Not a chirp to be heard.   Not even the birds are awake yet..........zzzzzz.

Repeat this scene an hour later with a different cat. .ZZZZZ.

Fast forward 4 hours when my defenseless body is subjected to 2 cats marching back and  forth along my corpselike form making ungodly noises.  One of them (Winnie) has the strangest call....."Meh" she says......"Meh, meh, meh".     Gussie has a more strident call....."Mowrrr", repeated endlessly. )   Since one of these creatures weighs 17 1/2 lbs. this is not to be taken lightly much less  ignored.  I wondered where all those strange circular bruises with the 4 little darker spots  were coming from and I now realize that  a kitty massage from a 17 pounder has serious ramifications.  I think I am victim of assault and battery by Cat.

Now I can no longer ignore the punishment being handed out.  Gotta get up.  This requires laboriously flinging my body over and dislodging 2 creatures who have taken up residence on my belly and other parts.  I carefully remove the oxygen cannula from my nose (I sleep with oxygen because I have a low blood/oxygen level and this really helps.......40 years of smoking is not good for the lungs.).  I now do the first set of exercises to return my bod to a live  moving entity instead of a solid lump of frozen joints..........more aaaarrrgghhhs........Finally able to sit up, I do exercises 2 and 3 .....stretches.  Forgive my pride/arrogance, but I am still able to grasp my toes with straight legs at 84......I like to credit my years of yoga, but it is probably because my legs have shrunk 2 1/2 inches during the aging process  making it that much easier to reach the toes.....sigh.  Whatever.....I am still grateful that I can do it.

So now that I am sitting up on the edge of the bed I can reach the little brass bell sitting on my nightstand and lift it to take the 2 pills residing under morning pre- medications meds.  (I set them out the nite before and cover them with the bell so that the cats do not slobber on them or attempt to eat them)  I am still not awake, you understand, true consciousness does not set in for at least another hour, but I can detect the glorious aroma of the pink jasmine, just beginning to bloom outside my could that incredible scent have happened or been invented?...... Now all I have to do is reach out my hand to my cane hanging on the nearby bathroom doorknob utter some final prayers  and.......voila........I am upright.......(many oys, grunts and complaining noises uttered here  along with words of gratitude.)  I can now stagger to the dining table and turn on the computer after a quick stop to pee and turn off the oxygen generator. 

I am going to skip over the conversations with and the feeding of the cats, the joyful noises I utter when looking out of the kitchen window at the hummingbirds gathering into a lynch mob to attack if their feeders are not instantly replenished, the sight of Baskin poking his head out of the ferns in the garden white whiskers twitching,   waiting impatiently for me to open the sunroom slider and let him in for his breakfast, or the squirrel urking and scolding me from the safety of the lime tree, waiting for his sunflower seeds and peanuts.

Huzzah......another day has begun. 

 (to be continued at some time in the future perhaps........only up for 15 minutes and I am tired already)


  1. I wouldn't get too jealous if I were you! You do quite well yourself! your way with words!

    Love those "kitty massages"...that is what I call them too!~ My kit lays on my chest with her nose on my cheek and massages either side of my neck - sometimes for a full 1/2 hr! It actually feels pretty good!

  2. See? This is gorgeous! I love it!

  3. So that's why I can touch my toes. Those two inches I lost! Why didn't I think of that. But then, I am 14 years younger. Great post. Love it.

  4. Assault and cattery, perhaps?

    Yes, the stream of consciousness prose and poetry does flow from you.

  5. I love this! It hit more than one emotion,,I can shut my eyes and see you with your "kiddies." I go through pretty much the same with Penny.It saddened me some to think of your struggle to get out of bed, but I was happy to hear that you can do a straight legged toe touch,(I can't even come close),The smell of your flowers, your humingbirds,,Also, with my eyes closed, I can almost see and smell the beauty,,,What a wonderful blog, Lo!! xo

  6. I love the last part, tired after 15 mins, I thought it was only me...
    Like you though, the animals are a joy and give so much for so little, we have sid and floppy two seagulls that have been visiting for years, 5 cats to deal with, raisins and biscuits to throw for the smaller birds, feeders to refill and all this does take its toll. lol After this we need to lay down again.
    roll on the second chapter.

  7. Who needs an alarm clock when you have cats. I get a gentle slap in the face or one of them decided to comb my hair with their claws when they decide it's time to get up, usually around 6:00.

  8. I know well the feeling of having cats rarin' to get you up and out of bed. I had two of them tag-teaming me at 6:00 this morning. How I wish we could all get our biological clocks in sync!

  9. Oh how much I enjoyed this blog.
    I am only 79 but I can identify with your morning regimen. Fortunately our two cats, Siamese, are not allowed upstairs until my husband hears me moving.
    I also can still do a straight leg toe touch.

  10. I've always figured getting up WAS exercise. Don't have my kitties, anymore, because of sis's allergies, but do remember being awakened by one who loved to suck my earlobs (whole different story!). You did fine. Can't wait for the next 95 fifteen-minutes installments... Lo, some people just like to journalize their every moment. My friend did hers (in handwritten journals!) her entire life and filled 3 bookshelves, saving every momentous ticket, coupon, flower, etc. that went with an event. It was quite a legacy. You have your own singular gifts and I adore reading anything you write. So, you have no reason to be jealous. Come visit when you can.