Monday, June 11, 2012

Psssst ! Shhhhh ! If anyone asks, You Don't Even Know Me.....

Be Advised.......I am going into hiding, so, if you love me, don't let them find me and take me away.

The men in the white coats, that is........

I totally lost it today, in front of witnesses, no less.   And one of the people who saw me actually beating my head against the wall (the truth is she is the one who drove me to it)  happens to be an OCD neighbor who is relentless in taking action when she decides something is amiss.  For instance, for the past 2 years or so, she has been keeping a written log of all of the hangups and/or heavy breathing phone calls she  has received (sometimes as many as 6 a day she claims) convinced that the culprit is another neighbor down the street who once  made the mistake of using a naughty word in casual conversation with her.   (No, it was not even the "F" word, but no matter.) and even more damning, he has a scraggly beard and obviously is not to be trusted.    After collecting what she felt was enough evidence ( ? ) she has finally taken necessary action and reported these offenses, verbally and  in writing (longhand) , to both the phone company and the Police, causing the totally innocent but suspicious looking (to her) neighbor to be visited and grilled by a  Detective from the Vice Squad (or Special Victims Unit or something).

After dealing with my neighbor for 40 years you would think I would have  better sense than to expose myself to the risk of being labelled "Dangerously Insane" and reported  to the Authorities.  I realize I screwed up badly this time.   I have been secretly beating my head against the wall for most of those 40 years after each encounter of unspeakable frustration with said neighbor and today I just could not restrain myself till  she left and I was safely alone.    Oh, the shame and horror of it all.  The worst part is,  there was another caregiver, Florence, who tends to accept my madness and strange  behavior as part of the job but would find it hard to deny, under oath,  that she did, indeed, witness me muttering darkly and banging my head loudly against the kitchen corner post for at least a full minute before I regained some modicum of control.   So, if said neighbor (whom we will call "X") pursues her merciless course I am sure she can have them issue a subpoena which will force Flo to testify against me, unwilling, but helpless in the face of legal machinery grinding away........groan....

I can already visualize  the men in the white coats coming up the walk carrying cattle prods and strait jackets.  There is not a moment to lose..........I would not do well in an Asylum........I have packed Gussie and a spare T-shirt into a cat carrier and am going underground.  

I will write when it is safe.  And remember, if anyone asks, you don't even know me ........


  1. I have a small box in the garage you could hide in....

  2. Have you ever thought of moving to south Louisiana? These swamps can hide a lot of secrets.

  3. It's cold underground. As there are no witnesses, brazen it out.

  4. I sympathise with you, we have had the neighbours from hell for 29 years, continuous rows, fighting and complaints etc.
    A solicitors letter finally stopped the complaints and we are now free from continual harrassment from these two morons but still have to endure their childish rows. The only good thing is that when they have finished rowing they don't speak to each other for days so we count our blessings. lol
    Moving is an option but as it isn't deemed correct to quiz the would be new neighbours how is one to know that the move might prove to be next to someone even worse.
    But don't worry, I haven't seen you if I am contacted.

  5. If good fences make good neighbors, you need barbed wire and electrification on yours.

  6. You are welcome to come hide out with me!

  7. I'd offer to switch neighbors with you but I'm not sure either of us would win, in that instance. Best to keep the known evil than to introduce newer infuriating clods. We'll all vouch for you --- BUT, and that's a bit BUT -- I'm not sure virtual endorsements would carry the vote... be strong. We await the result.

  8. You are just awesome. Never forget that :)

  9. You can always come and stay with me my dear Lo! It gets alittle zoo-like at times here, but you can take refuge in the bedroom until peace and quiet returns, ..I have done it myself!! There are times I would like to beat my head against the wall, but I can't....yet. Take care, my dear friend,,You are loved!
    I have to agree wirh Courtney...You are an awesome lady!!! Big hugs!!

  10. You can stay here with me, Lo. My aunt Mae used to bang her head against the wall when she was frustrated. She said it felt so very good when she stopped. Makes sense to me.

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  12. You are not alone, I feel like banging my head on the wall myself lately. Hey, I'll come on over and we can do it together!!! Hi Lo, I don't get over here nearly as much as I would like but I do enjoy reading your blog.

    p.s. head bangers of the world unite!