Monday, July 23, 2012

What Next? Well.... They Are Going To Tickle My Heart......

Six or seven years ago I went to the Doctor with some vague discomfort in the middle of my bodily self and before I knew what was happening I was pushed into a wheel chair,  told to notify anyone who needed to know (I called my cat sitter to take over the kitty routine for me) and was wheeled across the parking lot to the hospital wherein an unknown gentleman invaded my bod with a device  through an artery in my groin and reamed out the plumbing to my heart, leaving behind one or two stents to keep things open and to show he had been there.  Since  then the old pump has been performing rather well and I have been most grateful and very impressed.

Last week, I went to the Doctor with some vague discomfort in the middle of my bodily self and was told I had a cardiac flutter which, while not life threatening at this moment, needed to be tended to either with medication or with ..........the dreaded term.....a Procedure.  Before I even heard what the Procedure was, I had decided that I was already taking too damned many pills and capsules and was leaning toward mechanical intervention (that is after I was assured that the Procedure was NOT Open Heart Surgery).  And when I heard that meds were only 70% successful whereby the Procedure was 95% successful I was even more convinced. 

So it has come to pass that I will go to the hospital this Thursday as an outpatient , whereupon an adorable Armenian Doctor (whom I now do know) will violate my bod with his magic wand (get your minds out of the gutter) entering a vein somewhere and proceeding upward with camera and electrical probe to find the misbehaving nerve in my heart and Zap it to extinction with his stun gun  After the appropriate zapping and my return from blurred consciousness I am told I can go home same day and go about my normal life cured of flutter.  Piece of cake.  Well,. it sounds good anyway.

My blogging may be a bit more erratic than usual, depending how well I tolerate this fascinating invasion, but I promise I will try to blog a line or two when I get home just to let you know that I did not get Zapped altogether.  I actually have very little anxiety about this since the more drastic procedure in the past (where I was also sedated but conscious) was no problem at all and  it sounds a bit Science Fiction-y so I am looking forward to seeing how it all works.  I already saw the magic wand and it looks very ordinary and much like any old computer connector wire except for the business end which is teeny and I am sure is very sophisticated.  (in other words.....don't try this at home.)

I do not want you to worry, but if any of you care to think a kind thought or two and send good vibes my way I will certainly receive them with open arms.

Ain't it amazing the things they can do these days?  So why can't we figure out World Peace???    What a dumbkopff I am..........I know why.....there's no profit in it.   Sigh           

Ode To My Cardiac Rhythm Specialist

Tickle my heart, tickle my heart

Give me the pink pill for a start
Then the purple one, next the yellow spotted.
Dose me until I am quite besotted.
Then proceed with the local numbing 
Before you invade my cardiac plumbing.

Am I smiling beatifically? Then you may start
to gently climb up to my heart.
Carefully peruse my trusty pump
and find out what is making it jump.
Instead of ka-boom, ka-boom, why is my ticker  
sounding more like a Chickaboom, chickaboom chick-er?

When you find the errant, rebellious nerve,
please zap it neatly, do not swerve
with your amazing magic cattle prod .....
Just promise me, for the love of God,
that while messing around among my heart's swirls and loops
I do not hear you mutter the dreaded word.......... "Oops".


  1. Good luck and I'm sure all will be well.
    Mr.T has had stents in the past and they are wonderful, sad that they came too late for my Father.
    I look forward to seeing the next post.
    Do you have to pay for yours? I guess you do.
    We are so fortunate here to get our meds free.

  2. Good luck to you, dear Lois! Love the poem.

  3. Bless you, Lo, that was simply delightful and so are you, and yes, let us know when your heart has been tickled into proper submission.
    Loving you....Mary

  4. Much luck to you with yOur procedure. Loved the poem,

  5. I have PVC which is premature ventrical contractions. It can be a pain but I'm used to it. Hope all goes well and for the record, my mind stays in the gutter, ;)

  6. Sending good thoughts your way xo

  7. May the magical wand tickle your innards and may there be no "oops!" Sending healing thoughts your way, Lo!

  8. Hope it all goes well for you Lo, and keep up the sense of humour. It also helps of course when the person doing the 'proceedure' is quite dishy....

  9. Praying it all goes very smoothly. Love the poem.

  10. Flinging good vibes into the Universe.

    Loved the poem....and can't wait to hear how it was, Armenian style.


  11. We have world's just kind of sporatic.

    I am sending out good vibes. I know you won't need them but it can't hurt.

  12. Wish I could be there to hold your hand ~ Ablations really do work miracles, so keep your chin up; I'll be there with you in spirit.
    LOVED the poem ~ be sure to take a copy of it in with you for the staff in the cath lab ~

  13. Good luck with The Procedure, Lo. I hope your middle bodily area feels better in a jiffy.

  14. Well, you let me know you'll be just fine, so enjoy the ride and see you later.

  15. Thursday you say? I believe all the planets will be lined up and the tea leaves say good things - not to mention the 8 ball.

    If you think of it, please ask the good Armenian doctor to recommend an Armenian eatery. I'll be down that way in a few weeks and would like to sample the cuisine. A local Armenian tells me that the Armenian population has shifted from the San Joaquin Valley to the LA area.

    Best wishes and please blog us all a quick post to let us know you're fine.

  16. I love the poem, and I will surely send positive energy in your direction, especially on Thursday.

  17. For sure The vibes are being sent. That procedure is new for me so thanks for an update in my knowledge of things that can be done.
    Your poem put a smile on my face. Lovely sense of humour even at a time of worry. July 26 has been marked as a day for extra attention heading your way.

  18. Love your post. I edit manuscripts about these cardiac ablation procedures -- sometimes it is called a Maze procedure -- all the time. Usually always very successful. You are going to do fine!!!

  19. Hi Lo! I will be thinking good thoughts of you on Thursday for your zapping:)

  20. Good luck on Thursday, my husband had this procedure a couple of months ago, still on blood thinners but it worked like magic!

  21. Good luck to you -- and to the doctors who will have to put up with your wrath, should they have a lipse lingue... prayers are with you and looking forward to a post-op post...

  22. sending lots of loving thoughts and prayer your way Lo. I'm waiting to hear when my hip will be replaced by a new shiny piece of equipment. We will thrive on our mechanical parts!

  23. Well it's already Thursday in my part of the world, so here we go with the positive thoughts. Hope to read all about it real soon!

  24. Warmest wishes for a successful, fun-filled zap.

  25. Eloquent as always, Lo.

    Late to the party, but since reading I am now sending out fervent get-well wishes. How brave you are...


  26. Best wishes and positive vibes sent out to you.

  27. delighted you are up and running.