Thursday, January 17, 2013

How Do I Get To Carnegie Hall? .....Practice Ain't Gonna Do It

Hello, out there.  For those of you who are eagerly awaiting an audio post, Fuggedaboutit!  Maybe later, but I am not ready yet.

Not that I am not having fun with my internet singing lessons.......... I am indeed enjoying like crazy.  After just 2 lessons my cat now runs from the room as soon as I begin warming up, I have a sore throat from so much unbridled vocalizing and my speaking voice seems to have dropped 2 octaves and increased by 100 decibels.  (not on my wish list at all) My quaver and excessive vibrato are still with me, however.......but I fear that if I continue like this I may end up shattering glass, which in this house could be a huge disaster since I have (over 40 years) systematically knocked out most of the wood and stucco walls and replaced them with glazing.  No, seriously, the first 2 lessons have been fascinating and I am enjoying the process of trying to learn how to relax my throat, care not a whit how I sound and just let go.  I still have 2 lessons to go....(supposed to do one a week) and will then see if  I have achieved any measure of improvement.  Fortunately, my life and my fortune do NOT depend on it.  Better or worse, I will still go around singing to myself and if Gussie doesn't like it........well, too damned bad.  She will have to hire a servant who doesn't sing, that's all there is to it.

But, actually, that is not what has been preoccupying me for the past 4 or 5 days and keeping me from blogging..........I have been engaged in a vile  experiment to discover how much liquid a human being can ingest in the short space of an hour.  In other words....I was undergoing the dreaded prep for a colonoscopy which involves several sessions of having to glug down 16 oz. of the vilest stuff known to man followed immediately by 2 more 16 ounce containers of water.  That feat itself is beyond toleration, but what makes it worse is that 32 ounces of water is not enough to get the wretched taste of the potion out of your mouth so you find yourself drinking yet more water, more chicken broth, more apple juice more of any liquid which is clear, without pulp and is neither red nor purple and incidentally, not alcoholic.  I cannot  believe that a human body can hold so much liquid at once without exploding, but amazingly it appears that it can because I did not.  Explode, that is.

 Anyway, two days of fasting and that abuse took all of my attention........I am not sure but I believe I did not even sing.  My tummy, however, gurgled a lot.  I do know that I accomplished the totally impossible by spending my fasting (clear liquids only) day watching several football games from morning to night and being unable to munch on a single morsel.  Appalling thought, isn't it?  I found it is amazing how much more time there is in a day when one cannot eat......ore perhaps it just seems like that when you are NOT having any fun.     Not sure how helpful that bit of information will be to saving the world, but I will ponder on it in my spare time.  If any of you have some ideas, do let me know.

Anyway, never mind all of that dreck.......I am happy to report that if inner beauty counts for anything, I was found to be not only pristine from epiglotis to my you-know but  with nary a polyp to mar the surface. 

And, the best news is that I was told I never have to endure another such prep or procedure for the rest of my life.   Tenks Gott.

I could just break out singing........ 




  1. Oh, Lo ~ you never fail to make me laugh!
    I'm so glad you came out 'clean' ~ Tenks Gott in Himmel indeed!
    And I may just have to call you 'coz I don't know if I can wait to hear this singing!!!

  2. Having undergone the infamous 'water torture test' myself a few months ago, I sympathize. You would think they'd come up with another less invasive method (as with the infamous Mammogram - another torture device that needs another way).
    But hey, congrats on the 'clean' report.

    And I can imagine that you weren't singing during that prep.

  3. Been there. Done that. And it is GROSS. Subjecting this type of torture to senior citizens surely must violate a CONSTITUTIONAL amendment. Lets get Judge Scalias interpretation. Surely colonoscopys were not favored by our infallible founding fathers...

  4. May your lungs be as clear as the rest of you, so you can sing out about it.

    Glad for the good report, and enjoy the lessons.

  5. Hooray! Glad you're enjoying your lessons. Sounds like a very sane approach...relax, open up, and don't worry about how you sound. And if your speaking voice is lower, you are relaxing your vocal cords, something I've always tried to do without much success. Hmmmm...maybe I'll have to try it, too. Congrats on having aced the exam and graduated from colonoscopies forever!

  6. Outstanding news... ;) I don't think there is enough scare to make me go through that. Being a sissy wimp has its place.

    I sing in exchange for peace. I got my son, my stepson and my husband to do my bidding by threatening to sing O Sole Mio ... I only had to do it once. hah

  7. It's amazing how boring life is if you can't eat, isn't it?
    I'm so glad you never have to do that again. Congratulations on the sweet inner beauty!

  8. Oh yes -- I have to undergo the same procedure next month. It isn't the colonoscopy that troubles me, it's the dreaded preparation that you described so well.

  9. You could write a musical about it...

  10. What Rosie said...! :-D
    We could be your chorus line.

    Glad you are "clean inside" and singing about it.