Sunday, June 13, 2010

Change Is Good......Or So They Say

Hello, precious pals....sorry , dear ones........no photos today.......you must be satisfied with my endless drivel..........I come to you slightly out of breath after executing one of my many odd maneuvers using one of  my new skills......... that of propelling the wheelchair from dining table to kitchen trash basket while clutching a banana peel in one of the crucial hands.  (no mean feat, I will have you know, since the chair tends to go very cattywampus in  circles when you do not exert equal pressure on both wheels)  (fortunately I have learned to compensate by using the appropriate foot-scrabbling-on-the-floor maneuver to correct the steering at crucial intervals)  By this you are not to assume that I am still a prisoner of my various pieces of equipment.....nay, I have even added one new tool....that of Pete's favorite Cane!  I have been gallumphing around the place at a breakneck (sorry...poor choice of words) speed using only the cane which frees up one hand nicely for chores such as carrying banana peels.  I chose, in the above case, to use the wheel chair simply because I was already sitting in it to read my email and was too lazy to lift my fanny from the comfy seat.  Sometimes it takes me 5 minutes to decide which piece of equipment is ideal for the chore.........a dreadful waste of time,  and even so I often choose wrong causing me to find myself propelling the wheelchair with only my feet because both hands are clutching a lapful of the stuff  I am attempting to transport from dining room to kitchen.  Consolee, my precious caregiver, used to break up laughing at me, contending that I looked like an toddler in one of those walkabout toy seats.....I didn't care one whit how I looked....I just wanted to get the various dishes and glasses from table to sink.  As for why I didn't ask her to perform the task........simply because I forgot.....I am still learning the finer points of  How-To-Be-Waited-On-Hand-and-Foot...........it ain't all that easy to learn even when you have been waiting for the opportunity your whole life.  Which (finally) brings me to the subject I had intended to blog about......

These last 2 months have been among the most interesting and challenging (and exhausting) of my life.........I have been required to change into so many different people over that time that my head is spinning and my fingers are figuratively bloody from trying to clutch and hang on to whatever was normal and comfortable for me the day before yesterday.   You can picture me clinging to the door jambs and screeching at the top of my lungs as I was dragged from Independent Recluse to Namby Pamby Near Total Invalid.  Only my inabilty to lift a finger forced me learn to accept that role and play it gracefully....and then to begin (to my horror) to enjoy it and get really good at it.  Next,  before I even had time to add a few niceties to my role as Complete and Total Schlubb, I found that the physical therapy had reinvigorated a muscle here and there and it was necessary for me to abandon the Fainting Camille bit and embrace a new creature who could at least make it to the potty on my own with the aid of the Walker and much muttering and groaning.  (Actually a welcome triumph not at all resented by me, but requiring a real change of self from helpless ninny to semi-skilled invalid)

And even more earth shaking was the need to change from being a total hermit who could only tolerate human company for a few hours a day (or a week is more like it) to a gregarious social being who welcomed her caregivers eagerly and reluctantly bid them goodbye at the end of the shift.........not merely because of the need for care as for company.  Who WAS this person and what ever happened to Lois the Recluse?  Seriously, this required a monumental shift of main internal mechanisms and there were mornings I would wake up and not know who in the hell I was........especially since the hour of awakening was suddenly 7 AM rather than 1 or 2 PM and I would find myself welcoming being awake during the morning sunlight hours.  (so THAT'S what morning looks like.....)

All in all it has been totally overwhelming and I am still in the throes of metamorphosis.........I have heard lots of.......shall we call them senior citizens  (and many not so Senior).........defend their stubborn refusal to switch to a better path with the tired excuse, "I'm too old to change!"  I've got news for you, Honey Lamb......that is a crock of shit.  (I even changed from being only 82 to 83 during all of the above).

13 comments:

  1. Lois, It seems like your success at changing is due to the fact that you have started to embrace it . What we resist will persist. Barring physical limitations we are all capable of change at any age. More power to you.

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  2. I just got home from a family reunion. One which I was not looking forward to. My mantra was, "It's for my grandma. And my nephew will be there." And strangely? I had a very good time. My grandma is 94, lives alone in her own house and just this year, decided that driving was not for her. But this get together? Was for her. And her alone. And I'm so, so glad I went. And enjoyed my time. Because that's who SHE is. Getting around in her old age is a jolt to her independence, but the fact that she gets up and goes makes me ashamed of me unwillingness to look at this weekend as a potential for discovery and fun.

    You are to be commended for your vivacity. It's why I read.

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  3. Your life history shows you go with the flow and tend to flower doing it. My mom is your age and she's the same tough cookie you are. LOL. Whatever that birthday was, we missed: happy have it anyway.

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  4. Dear dear Lo, I really delight in your blog, but can't help thinking back to reading the letters you wrote about your travels, adventures, etc, (I saved them) and feeling saddened by the change you have had to make in your life,,This I know though,few could do it and keep their sense of humor, and spunk like my dear friend Lo!! Keep on "keepin' on" dear!!,,Oh, and I am glad you are welcoming some help,,It's time..You have always been there for everyone else,,Now it's your turn. Love, Ida

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  5. Hi Lo, Times change and people with them..keep your chin up..and Happy Belated Birthday! :)

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  6. Welcome to mornings. They can be nice when you get used to them.

    I agree you are never too old for anything you feel you want to attempt. The proven plasticity of neurodevelopment at any age means anyone can learn new tricks.

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  7. Belated Happy Birthday to someone who knows how to get the most out of life!

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  8. Another belated happy birthday from me as well. If anyone can embrace and relish change I have a feeling it is you Lo! :-)

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  9. ...so what bit of inflated beaurocracy decided you could now manage your day to day life without continued assistance? That last anecdote from you indicates you are still far from being able to care for yourself - and indeed are in acute danger of having another accident-perhaps without being able to call for help. It's an absolute disgrace, and my heart goes out to you Lo. You're a very brave lady to take it all in your stride. Many folk half your age would have just 'given up'.

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  10. Thank you all for your continued support......bless you.

    And Willie----I think you got the wrong message. I have a new daily caregiver for 4 hours a day....He is a wonderful guy....I will blog about him shortly. Don't blast the bureaucracy yet........My 60 day elimination period is now up and I will be filing my claim with my Long Term Care Insurance Co......save your wrath in case they turn me down.

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  11. Ah, mea culpa etc! (last I heard was that the wunnerful Consollee was about to depart, and obviously thought they'd left you 'high n' dry'from your last posting-hence my angst!)It would therefore appear you are simply being your usually fiercely 'independent' soul - like my old arthritic Grandma who would take about half an hour to make me a cup of tea (when I could have done it in 5 mins)but obviously I let her stagger about - and it tasted much better!Fingers (and toes)now crossed for your Long Term Care claim. Any way we can all sign a Petition or sumpin' if they turn you down?

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  12. Breakneck speed, huh? I'd like to see that!
    I think you turned out to be just yourself..which is a pretty fun gal!
    Belated birthday greetings, and a toast to you!!

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  13. Belated Happy Birthday wishes from me too! I hope you enjoy this year and often have a smile on your face!

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