Monday, August 27, 2012

Update on the Madwoman of the East San Fernando Valley

You are all probably wondering if I ever came  back  down  to earth after my last post which seemed suspiciously like a drug induced flight of fancy.  I assure you that it was not in the slightest way drug induced and my feet never for a moment left terra firma regardless of what pain medications  may have been stingily doled out to me during the worst of my recent experiences with practitioners of the finer tortures of the Spanish Inquisition.  All ideas presented in my last blog were the result of various epiphanies and none were inspired by medications or magic mushrooms.  I wouldn't mind trying a magic mushroom, but I haven't a clue what they look like and it would be just my luck to pick some poisonous variety.....

Happily I can report that my groin and thigh have had their staples removed and the thigh has returned nearly to normal size and color and no longer causes me to scream or even say "ouch"  more than 10 or 12 times a day.  However, between the mended but still achy left hip, the totally broken down left knee (which never got replaced) and now the still tender and achy right thigh I have had to sadly give up all hope of  ever being invited to star in the Ice Capades.  Thank heaven   I gave up that ambition many years ago when I realized that even though I managed to skate forward without falling down more than 3 or 4 times an hour, I would never be any good at all at skating backwards except on my fanny.   I gave away the blue  velvet skating skirt with the red satin lining years ago.

Anyway, my main motive in writing this blog is to reassure you that I am returning to what might be considered normal (for Me).  Also, after watching 3 football games and going to  bed dazed and cross eyed at 9 pm. I found myself unable to fall asleep and not even the act of raiding the cupboard and devouring 4 fig newtons slathered with peanut butter gave me any assurance that, if I went  back to bed and tried to sleep, I would do anything but  berate myself for  ,my low class gobbling, so I decided to dash off a few lines while waiting for the Sandman to show up.  

Naturally, I have no exciting news to report since I am still recovering my joie d' vivre (or however the hell that term is spelled) but my spirits are improving and perhaps I will come up with some bizarrre adventure to report one of these days.  Looking at my empty calendar I suspect I may have to make something up.  We will just have to wait and see, won't we?


Sunday, August 19, 2012

Things Are Not What You Think Think They Are.....Or Is That the Morphine Talking

When you are worn out from screaming and hollering with pain, not overtly but inside your head, you finally shut up and just pant a little.......that is when it gets blissfully quiet inside and you get a chance to meet your soul.  At least that is what happened to me during these recent stays in the hospital.  While crawling around inside trying to find a place to hide I  stumbled on a little niche just under my rib cage sheltering a small blue unwavering flame and I knew that was the essence of me.  We did not converse, but I took great comfort from the encounter.

This really confirmed my suspicion that the image I see in the mirror while brushing my teeth is just a robot creature......a construction intended to provide protection, mobility and a comfortable residence for that awesome, remarkable blue flame to enable it to accomplish something.....I wish I knew what.

I imagined what it may have been like before "the Beginning".    Just whirling chaos, and the Super Intelligence takes a look around and sees an infinity of immense power but no mechanism to put it to work. So what is needed is a container with attributes.........something solid but resilient and mobile.....a couple of legs and arms and oh yeah,  some hands with opposable thumbs, some plumbing, some heating, a pump/motor a small computer brain to enable thoughts, ideas, creativity and, most importantly, a safe niche to cradle and protect  the blue flame of source energy.  Yeah.....that oughta do it. Now all of that sacred energy can be put to work to accomplish.....well, something.

Sadly, it is my opinion that at this point a grave mistake was made. (yes, I admit my arrogance, but that is how it appears to me).  Instead of simply cloning a bunch of the creatures and letting them have at it and seeing how it all worked,  they were ordered to, "Go forth and multiply" and once sex was allowed to enter the equation it was all for naught........because obviously  no good deeds or brilliant projects, no matter how finely wrought, can compete with the sex drive.....and so here we are and that is my interpretation of how we got into this mess and I contend that my idea is as good as anybody's.

Needless to say, I haven't the slightest idea of how we are supposed to get out of the mess we are in..... But the one thing that was clear to me during my communing with my source is that, at some point the trusty robot creature will break down, wear out and cease to function and can be abandoned by the roadside to be recycled into something useful.  No tears are necessary or appropriate.  The blue flame will simply fly back to join the group hug in the vast lake of its source.  Nothing is lost and nothing is wasted.  

Beyond all this, I still know nothing.

P.S  Lest you fear that the Lo you know has completely morphed into a madwoman, I swear that I believe I have never been saner.   And for more good news, my right thigh, which once resembled the Smithfield ham that eclipsed Manhattan, has retreated in size and tenderness and is now very near its old, flabby, fatty self.  And that is a GOOD thing.

And now, back to Football.............

Thursday, August 16, 2012

Not Pollyanna.....This Is Mean Old Cranky Lo....You May Want to Pass

 I know, I know, not a decent peep out of me since I came home from the hospital.  Well, the truth is the creature I brought home in this box labelled "Lois" is nearly unrecognizable and she even scares me sometimes.  Bitter, disgusted, disgruntled, angry and perhaps dangerous.

I am fed up to the teeth with these misshapen monsters whom I find it impossible to avoid.....Mutt (not a typo) Romney, Paul Ryan, Sarah Palin.........ugly people spouting idiocies and blasphemies.........I am having trouble finding a reason to go on living and that's the truth and I feel like taking a few of the worst offenders with me when I depart. 

I had a lot of marvelous insights and adventures during my 2 weeks of pain and torture and I will do my best to reveal them to you soon, but not in this blog.  This blog is for bitching and complaining.

Imagine me standing on the peak of the highest mountain screaming  my mantra, "SHITPISSFUCK" alternating with a piercing but plaintive "what the hell is it all about?".  I am in a state of befuddlement about this life we lead.  Is there really a purpose amid all this madness?

The other Lois, if she reappears, will be back at this spot shortly uttering saner thoughts.   Or not.  You gotta take your chances folks.


Sunday, August 12, 2012

Oy ! I Can't Find My Groove

To all my beloveds out there, I want you to know that I am doing amazingly gamboling around with just a cane (whenever I rouse myself from my favorite horizontal position).  Having very little pain and not even too much discomfort.  The best word to describe my state would be languid, I think.  Cossetted in mounds of pillows and surrounded by various footstools (one for Gussie who must have her own right beside me lest she tromp on my sore leg,  one for the computer and one for my own feet and legs which prefer to be elevated just so.)    I am, in many ways, the luckiest dumbshit in the world;  and yet, I am not ready to snatch up the gauntlet and go on with the struggle.   I think I am just going to lie here for a while, if you don't mind.

Also, unluckily for you, I have just discovered that it is Pre Football Season, so all hopes of my tapping out a brilliant piece on my adventure and my condition are out of the question...........unless   I have an ounce of energy left over when the games are off later.

I have counted all the various parts......arms., legs, fingers, toes......and except for a few errant pints of blood which accidentally leaked into my right thigh I seem to be all here, but I just can't seem to get going.  I am beginning to suspect that they did some undocumented things while in the hospital.....perhaps replaced my brain with someone else's, or excised all my gumption.
My chief skill seems to be lying prone in the lounge chair ringing a little brass bell for service.   I am not complaining, you understand, just explaining and apologizing why news from this front has been so sparse.

Please stick with me folks and I will tap out a few cryptic messages as the ability returns.  Meanwhile, know that I am well and well cared for............except for that Gussie.....

Thursday, August 9, 2012

Ha Ha, Mephisto....You Thought You Had Me,,,,,,,,,,,,

A quickie.........I am doing fine and felling am also feeling fine.,,,just tryping poorly as usual.....hmmmm....tryping.....that word has possibilities.....I willl have to invent an appropriate meaning........

Will write soon. I promise.

Love ya. 

Wednesday, August 8, 2012

Wednesday August 8., 2012 .......Escaped


Home again !!!!  
At last.    For good I hope.........


Will report all in revolting detail soon.

 Love ya all.

Thursday, August 2, 2012

Oops, Gol Darn and Shitpissfuck

Sorry folks...sometimes there are glitches.   Murphy still rules

 am going back to the hospital on friday for a bit more surgery  to close off a lleaking blood vessel.

I am OK except for having a thigh the size and color of a Smithfield ham........we won't talk about the pain.....oy.

I hope to be  home saturday or dead........either one is ok with me.

Will update you asap..  

Not to worry.....I will be OK as soon as they deal with the Ham.

Love     Lo