As all my devoted readers must know, I have been in something of a slump lately.
I wouldn't bet on it, but I think my melancholia began early this year when I received notice from my supplemental RX insurance that the anti-depressant I had been taking for the past several years would no longer be covered and, if I wanted to be stubborn and keep taking it, each pill would cost me in the neighborhood of $6.10. Needless to say the very idea of having to pay over six dollars for a pill to un-depress me immediately depressed the hell out of me and I rushed to fling open the nearest window and scream, "Like hell I will" or "no,, I will not! or some such useless, wimpy protest.
After doing some research I found that the old anti-depressant I had been taking prior to this one only cost pennies per pill and, as I recalled, it had been perfectly satisfactory until my Psychiatrist had suggested changing to this newer, supposedly improved one. I really had not noticed any improvement in my condition one way or t'other ......hell when one tends to get depressed one gets used to being up one day and down the next......but I had been taking the new one obediently until this monstrous notification arrived.
Whereupon I decided that bankruptcy caused by excessive drug charges would definitely be more depressing than any change of medication. (I no longer see the Psychiatrist, by the way, since I deduced that he was enjoying my company and witty conversation during our sessions much more than I was benefiting from them and paying those rates to amuse HIM made no sense whatever, even to a crazy person like myself.) I consulted my Internist and we decided to try the old medication and see how I did. A few weeks, then a few months passed and I did not notice any ill effects so I figured I had gotten away with it.......now, I am not so sure........ however, I refuse to believe that a $6 pill will improve me enough to make it all worthwhile so I will continue to search for some other cure for this melancholy state. Meanwhile both you and I will have to put up with this morose,uninspired and downright boring individual who seems to be occupying my body lately.
Fortunately, it is a rather mild melancholy, except when exacerbated by idiotic remarks from so-called friends. Today, for instance, I had lunch with an old friend who has irritated me often when I happen to mention my increasing difficulty in seeing due to my macular degeneration. I swear that if one more time she says says offhandedly, " But why can't they just give you better glasses?" I will be driven into a frenzy causing me to disembowel her with a butter knife......today was very close......instead I held my tongue and ended up with wretched indigestion because my poor system could not possibly digest even the simplest lunch along with all that restrained bile. Either I will have to stop having lunch with her or someone will have to systematically rid the San Fernando Valley of butter knives. (Actually, I think someone has already started on that project because one can be hard pressed to even see a hint of a butter knife anymore......,can't one? Come to think of it.....why in the hell were butter knives even invented?????? What an idiotic waste of materials, effort, table and drawer space. If anyone has a copy of Mrs. Beaton's, the answer is probably in there. In fact, if any one of you reading this DOES have a copy I think I may have to offer some kind of reward......I personally have never seen a copy though I have heard of them and, like fairies or unicorns, do believe they may exist.....
Omigawd........I have totally lost control and am rambling wildly, aren't I? Yes, I am......don't try to save my feelings by denying it.....
Thanks for staying with me this far.........I do prize loyalty highly.
And, who knows.....perhaps tomorrow my melancholia will depart.......let us all hope that something better will be left in its place.
Luv ya' all.,
The New Yorker covers: August 18, 1975
8 hours ago