Well, the dreaded thing has happened........one of my devoted followers (Betsy) has abandoned polite patience and has burst out with direct demands that I reactivate the ol' blogging machine. She didn't exactly say "or else" but it was implied and I, being a devout coward about abandonment, am scrambling to find the right button to push....is there one labelled "Resume Blogging"? ......oh damn, why are there so many buttons on this thing and none of them have identifying labels?
Oh, sorry....... THAT machine is the new mobile phone I just purchased, which has visible numbers, tenks gott, but the letters that go with them are so tiny that I need my strongest magnifier to even see that they exist, not to mention needing my page magnifier to read the instruction booklet which, in my opinion, is just like all the technical manuals I encountered during my computer career. In order to understand what the manual is telling you to do you must already know how to do what you are asking it how to do.
How in the hell do those kids text so rapidly when I have been practicing for hours to memorize which letters go with which digits and have only been able to enter about 4 phone numbers and names into my Contacts List???? I,who used to pride myself on doing hexadecimal arithmetic (base 16) almost as fast as decimal (base 10), am totally defeated by a stupid gadget that 5 year olds are adept at using....while they are not even standing still, but walking around hopping up and down and/or dancing , no less............"what IS the world coming to?",. I ask bleakly. Obviously, I am not fit for it. Sob.
To put into words the most ridiculous understatement I can conjure up, this has not been my best week. It began when I tried to access my old mobile phone account with ATT (as Shakespeare would say, "A pox on them!" before he fainted dead away at what the world has turned into) and was rebuffed unceremoniously with "incorrect password". Since I was staring at my notes in my password book I see that I have entered the correct password......(yes, of course I have a password book.....doesn't everyone? I mean....when I started out with my own computer I was warned about the advisability of using different passwords for different applications so that the boogeymen wouldn't get me. I know better now, but it is too late to change all of them to "abc123".....)
I next endeavored to simply retrieve my password from ATT. That didn't work because 326 tries resulted only in several holes in the wall nearest my head. Each time I came close to being able to read the password they were revealing to me on my phone screen the screen went black and I failed miserably at this so called simple process. Next, several hours were spent on the phone with both robotic and live calling partners in various departments of ATT, punching in interminable lists of numbers and choices for both robotic and supposedly live personages and getting nowhere except back to the beginning. At this point the walls nearest my head resembled a bombed out village in Iraq and I had to move my position many times to find a fresh wall to beat my head against. I also was having difficulty hearing any directions that came to me from the phone due to the bells ringing inside my head.
I next tried to simply change my password. None of the supposedly simple automated methods worked. After waiting for 42 minutes to be allowed to speak to a live tech person in the correct department and hearing, "Hello, this is Janet" followed by the dial tone, I gave up this fruitless self torture and hied me to the nearest Walmart to try to purchase a new, uncomplicated cell phone. That, my dears, may be the 2nd most difficult thing in the world to achieve next to World Peace. After several hours I finally settled for one which has a camera but no keyboard and staggered home a bloody and totally beaten human specimen. Which brings you up to date on where I was when I began this post and pretty much where I have been while NOT blogging lately..
During the 24 hours since the above carnage the bells in my brain have quieted and I have been slowly attempting to subjugate myself to this new infernal machine, but I must confess, progress is slow and I am not sure if I will ever be completely whole again. However, I am thrilled to report that at least I can remember my new cell phone number.........or is that the one I had before the last one....? Sob.........
The New Yorker covers: August 18, 1975
9 hours ago