I am putting my Hall of Shame Series on hold for the moment to rant a bit about a sudden thought which came to me today and which I cannot get out of my mind......it is either profound or idiotic......I am not sure which, but it needs to be expressed and given room to breathe so get ready for either profundity or idiocy.....or very like some of each.
I had the misfortune to commit a very stupid act today....I was clumfing barefoot down the hall with my cane after rising from my bed and somehow managed to place the tip of the cane on the little toe of my right foot thereby causing me to give forth with a huge shriek of pain when I leaned on said cane and threatened the little toe with disconnection from the other foot bones. Then I opened my mouth to spew forth a few choice utterances worthy of the indignity I had just suffered (and the clumsiness and stupidity I had just displayed) and nothing came out. None of the satisfying cuss words I have hugged to my bounteous bosom for lo these many years seemed good enough (or perhaps that should read "bad enough"). I was desolate.
I realized that the modern world (and rap music) has ruined all the good cuss words. Whatever are we to do?
No wonder there is so much violence and pent up rage in the citizenry these days.....and we have done it to ourselves folks.........There are no curses or epithets left to vent our spleen and relieve our frustrations.....we have gentrified them all into compliments (you are my bitch) or meaningless mumbo jumbo from a rap song (fuckfuckfuck yo' muthafucka).......our ears and inner core are calloused and desensitized....what the hell do we scream when we are enraged nowadays???? There are no decent cuss words left........what a dreadful predicament!
I can remember the time when I was so prissy that a curse word never escaped my lips. (I think I may have overused "darn it" a lot in those days). That all came to an end ( and a screeching halt if I may say so) one memorable day in my studio.
However, before going into detail I must first set the scene so that you will understand all the ramifications of the disaster that deflowered my cursing virginity. My kiln was a huge gas powered monster about 5 or 6 feet square. I used to be just about 5'2" in my flip flops. The kiln was a top loader which meant I had a mini set of steps that I would have to climb up, then wiggle my tummy onto the top edge of the kiln and dangle there suspended while I loaded the floor of the kiln. As I added posts and shelves and moved upward I was able to get my feet back onto the steps and gain more control and more leverage over my load, but the floor was always the hardes and most iffy part of the job. This particular day I had created a particularly huge pot and it was going to be the sole occupant of the kiln for that firing. So there I was teetering on my tummy on a 6" edge with my head deep into the bowels of the kiln and my arms extended to their fullest clutching the delicate treasure and.....well, hell........of course you have guessed it.........it slipped from my grasp and went splat in the bottom not only totally self destructing, but making one prodigious mess in the kiln and that is when I heard some horrible, never-to-be-uttered epithets resounding off of the walls. I was so shocked at first that I looked around to see who might be fouling the air with those words and then I realized there was no one else within cursing distance and the perpetrator had to be li'l ol' ME. The brief moment of shame faded quickly and was replaced with a surge of joy and feeling of triumph that I had not often felt up to that moment, and it was then that I knew I was doomed to blatant, shameless cursing forevermore.
Today, for the first time I realized that the bland acceptance of the grossest of modern utterances has greatly diminished the pleasure and relief one gets from cursing......a deprivation that I see a possible reason that mankind has become so inhuman. Thank heaven my old friend, Dorothy is no longer here to see the day when merely uttering "Shit Piss, Fuck" failed to make everything all right with the world. Sob.
Forgive me for this miniscule blog........but.....I have left myself speechless.........
All I can think of to say about this horrendous situation is ..........Oh, Poo!
The New Yorker covers: August 18, 1975
9 hours ago