What Does Your Pet Call You?

I am in a very strange mood this lovely Sunday.  Just bubbling along a bit in the Curmudgeon Corner here.....musing about trivia which has begun to be less trivial to me.  The grain of sand that has found its way into my shoe has slowly turned into an almighty boulder with prickly spikes and can no longer be stoically ignored. 

I refer to the fact that I am becoming increasingly irritated by reading blogs written by bloggers'  pets in which the pet calls us "their Person" or "their Human".  Perhaps it is because  I am coming across more and more bloggers who are, frivolously or magnanimously, turnng over to their pets the keys to their blogs.   I dunno.

Now do not, for one little minute, misunderstand what I am saying here.......I love blogs written by (and about) animals ( I refer you to the brilliant Liza Bean Bitey of the Minneapolis Biteys who owns the blogger known as "Pearl,Why you Little..."  and if you happen to have a pet flea who takes it into his mind to write your blog for you one day, I will be tickled pink to hear what the world is like from the flea's point of view.  Of course, your pet flea might choose to call you his Host rather than his Person or Human and I will object to that terminology as well.  Just nothing feels or sounds right, dammit!

I am going quietly bonkers here trying to come up with an acceptable term to describe those of us who are, let's face it, owned by our pets.

Owner?.....don't make me laugh...totally inacucurate and upside down. 
Master/Mistress ?  ........ha....ditto, in spades. 
Cat Lady/ Dog Man?.....ugh....my lip curls....
Provider?.......oy....this gets worse and worse.
Slave?.........closer but still no.
Concierge?   Caregiver?  Angel?
Lover?
Paramour?........wrong, wrong, wrong.

Bleh!

There simply has to be a decent word for our pets to refer to those of us who are simply fools for our animals.   I suppose, since English is their second language, there may be a word in catspeak or dogspeak which would be perfect......or maybe we just have to make one up like those awful letter combinations we are forced to copy in order to leave comments.....  All I know is that I am revolting against the existing order without having a working plan to offer in its place....like most revolutions, I guess.  As a lover of words I seem to have failed miserably.

Does anyone out there have any ideas?  I welcome all suggestions and, as you can see from my wretched efforts, they do not have to be brilliant.

Incidentally, I asked my own children what they call me behnd my back and not one of them had the guts to answer.....

Help me out here folks.