Saturday, March 12, 2011

What Does Your Pet Call You?

I am in a very strange mood this lovely Sunday.  Just bubbling along a bit in the Curmudgeon Corner here.....musing about trivia which has begun to be less trivial to me.  The grain of sand that has found its way into my shoe has slowly turned into an almighty boulder with prickly spikes and can no longer be stoically ignored. 

I refer to the fact that I am becoming increasingly irritated by reading blogs written by bloggers'  pets in which the pet calls us "their Person" or "their Human".  Perhaps it is because  I am coming across more and more bloggers who are, frivolously or magnanimously, turnng over to their pets the keys to their blogs.   I dunno.

Now do not, for one little minute, misunderstand what I am saying here.......I love blogs written by (and about) animals ( I refer you to the brilliant Liza Bean Bitey of the Minneapolis Biteys who owns the blogger known as "Pearl,Why you Little..."  and if you happen to have a pet flea who takes it into his mind to write your blog for you one day, I will be tickled pink to hear what the world is like from the flea's point of view.  Of course, your pet flea might choose to call you his Host rather than his Person or Human and I will object to that terminology as well.  Just nothing feels or sounds right, dammit!

I am going quietly bonkers here trying to come up with an acceptable term to describe those of us who are, let's face it, owned by our pets.

Owner?.....don't make me laugh...totally inacucurate and upside down. 
Master/Mistress ?  ........ha....ditto, in spades. 
Cat Lady/ Dog Man? lip curls....
Provider?.......oy....this gets worse and worse.
Slave?.........closer but still no.
Concierge?   Caregiver?  Angel?
Paramour?........wrong, wrong, wrong.


There simply has to be a decent word for our pets to refer to those of us who are simply fools for our animals.   I suppose, since English is their second language, there may be a word in catspeak or dogspeak which would be perfect......or maybe we just have to make one up like those awful letter combinations we are forced to copy in order to leave comments.....  All I know is that I am revolting against the existing order without having a working plan to offer in its most revolutions, I guess.  As a lover of words I seem to have failed miserably.

Does anyone out there have any ideas?  I welcome all suggestions and, as you can see from my wretched efforts, they do not have to be brilliant.

Incidentally, I asked my own children what they call me behnd my back and not one of them had the guts to answer.....

Help me out here folks.


  1. Our boyos are members of our family ~ they are most frequently known to call us either Mom/Dad...
    but first thing in the morning, and at 5pm precisely, my husband becomes "The bipedal food dispensing machine".
    When there is a bath, or brush-out, or nail trimming session pending, I seem to morph to "Moommmmmmmmmmm!!!", accompanied by much rolling of the eyes...

  2. "Staff". That's what they call me. "Staff".

  3. What a delightful surprise to discover your blog after you left a comment on mine! I am certainly going to be hanging around for a bit, reading past posts.

    I can't help you with your enquiry, but I just hope you don't ever discover one of my other blogs written by my pet!

    Ooops.... ;)

  4. My cats, Crash and Burn, call me Mom.

  5. I think you are just embarrassed that your cats don't know how to type.

  6. Well, I confess to using the term "human" for my "biped food dispenser and all around slave". I guess it would be better to call her by her name, Barbara. But then people might not know who I'm talking about.

    Is it true that your cats don't know how to type? Bummer!

  7. I think I have been quite lucky so far as I have only come across one blog written from time to time by the owners pet. I bet I will start noticing it more now though!

  8. My pet calls me "woof" (Alpha Dog)in a soft inside voice, because that's what I am, plain and simple. The others in the house are her litter mates and she watches over all of us. But, I'm the one she pays attention to and stays closest to for scratchings and pettings. I'm not sure she knows or thinks in human terms, so probably would only be able to think in pictographs.

  9. To the 21 year old cat we've had all his life, we are "My Favorite!" and "My Other Favorite!". To the 15 year old cat we've had since January, I am "The Giver of Food and Cuddles" and my husband is "That Man". We're working on that last one.

    The older cat refers to the newer cat as "Grumpy Girl" while she, when she deigns to acknowledge him, refers to him simply as "Nemesis". We're working on this as well.

  10. My name depends upon which cat, and what i am doing to it at the time. It is certain that Horizon, who doesn't trust me any further than he can open the door by himself, calls me many unprintable names in Catspeak by the way he runs from me if he even remotely suspects a pill or potion or combing.

    Hope, who is mildly mentally retarded, probably just calls me lunch lady.

    The other three seem to refer to me as Hey You, as in, "Hey, You! More food over here!"

  11. I agree with Maybelline. If our cat, Mali, blogged about us, she'd call us the staff.

  12. If my animals have a name for me, it is "The Crazy One," and when they say it, they put their paws up to their grinning chins so that I won't see them as they mouth the words as I do their bidding. Oh, they laugh at me. Yes. They do.

  13. Oh...Oh....Oh......
    Wild are back and apparently alive!

    You have no idea how worried I have been about you...honest.

    I have missed you hugely and am delighted to hear from you again. Please don't leave without leaving a forwarding address.

    Seriously....are you OK?

  14. I laughed at this post because one time I asked visitors what sound their dogs make when they bark. Our country says, Bow Wow... and so on. Some of the answers were surprising.

  15. Hi Lo (High/Low?):)
    Yeah, alive n' kicking tho' like yourself have had a bit af a bumpy ride over tghe last few months; not helped by some rather trollish capers from your end, which my pooter man eradicated,but advised to keep head below parapet for a while, and certainly won't be posting contact addresses here!
    Good to hear you seem to be 'on the mend' and back tap tap tapping away with your highly amusing life stories.
    Take care

  16. It's simple really. Dogs have "owners". Mine thinks of me as "friendly boss man who takes me for hikes." Cats have staff. I'm known as #2 peon servant,

  17. Our Border Collie Blogs once in a while..we are his family...we consider him to be a very important part of the family and he has a great perspective about how things actually are..Dogs never can tell a lie:)