Being that my computer is my link to the world of intelligent beings and is the only thing that keeps me from going totally bonkers several times a day, it is of the utmost importance that the damned piece of tech crap remains functional at all times. (pardon my disrespect, you dear Computer Thingy, but you know that you are often ...ummm..........flighty to say the least).
Needless to say, on those occasions when I find that no screaming, teeth gnashing, digital tickling, banging, random poking or outright pounding (either the computer or my head against the wall) does any good, I resort to my tool of last resort....an incredibly talented, yea brilliant even, but still humble and very AFFORDABLE Expert who has never failed me in my desperate hours of need. Even better and more amazing, he can fix what is wrong with you (computerwise, that is) no matter where on this planet Earth you are located....as long as you have a phone and of course, a computer that needs fixing. Neither you nor he need leave their respective abodes....you and he can stay in jammies and slippers if so desired. All he has to do is invoke a magic program which connects his computer to yours and allows him to gambol through the mess you or the damned updates and system flaws have created, find the problems and correct them on the spot, finally handing control back to you of a properly restored and chastened servant rather than a Monster threatening to tear your heart out and remove what is left of your frazzled brain through your nostrils or any other convenient orifice. It is like a visit from an Angel with a knapsack full of miracles........and I am happy to report that he has just saved my life and sanity, not quite in that order, for the gazzillionth time, having done it often over the past 4 or 5 or maybe 10 years.
Now, I am confessing that, so addicted and so dependent am I on these infernal machines, that I have 3 (well, actually, if we are being really honest, I think I may have about 6 or 7 but only 3 are currently in working order and of the current genre. The others are lurking about here and there on the premises because I do not know exactly how to get rid of them, but that is another story. I keep these 3 around because it never fails that I must send an urgent email or log onto my Stock account without delay and my main laptop decides to laugh in my face and warn me that, due to the recent updates last night, which it insisted on making before letting me log off, it could no longer open the most important program in captivity and therefore was going to take a vacation and go to Disneyland. It does this periodically and leaves me with the most frustrating plain blue screen.....no cursor.....no icons, no task bar......NO CONTROL............zip, zilch, nada........it also leaves you farmished farchadadt and fardrayt......totally helpless, totally crazy, I tell you. When this happens I usually scooch my tush 12 inches down the table to my backup laptop and almost invariably the two demons have gotten in cahoots and #2 refuses to perform too. Sometimes it may be my fault because I cannot see well enough to plug the proper thingy into the proper hole and it has simply died of electricity deprivation but often it has been afflicted with the same kind of errant update bug and snickers slyly at my hysteria. I am then driven to dash in panic to the office where my old desktop sits ruminating about better days when it was my one and only love. As I turn it on I detect the mean gleam in its eye as it sees a way to punish me for my neglect and, since it has not had any updates applied for sebenty-eleben years it is obviously unable to perform any but the most simple tasks and I am not in the mood to play Free Cell at this moment so all I can do it weep bitterly and reach for the phone to call David.
Incidentally, he can perform small miracles as well as large ones. One of the most helpful things he has done for me recently was to enlarge the size of the Cursor to Gigantic so that my poor dim eyes can find it and see it. Seriously, this has enabled me to continue to use the computer.......you have no idea how frustrating it is to be unable to find the cursor when it is tiny and hides coyly among all your blind spots. Head bashingly frustrating until David reset some options for me. One of his most valuable saves.
As long as I am being honest I must admit that for the Blank Blue Screen Affliction it was necessary for David to come to my house so he had to change out of his jammies, (tho I didn't) but for a number of years when he and his wife had moved to Portugal he saved me via long distance numberless times....only trouble there was the poor dear had to stay up till 3 or 4 am Portugal time in order to reach me at my preferred time of 6ish in the evening here, but he did it often and without complaint and was always able to fix my computers with thousands of miles separating us and 9 hours in time difference,. What a guy.
Needless to say, he is 100% trustworthy and will NOT steal your passwords, secret codes or even notice your porn sites. I wholeheartedly recommend his services for large problems or small ones. (And NO, I am not asking for a commission.......my reward will be in saving your sanity and helping him gain a new client. I love Symbiosis.
(finder of lost minds)
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