Tuesday, November 29, 2011

A Crabby Word From the Ungrateful Undead

No, no.....not those silly Vampirish undead..........just those of us who seem to be given the gift of living without any obvious reason.  Sorry, my darlings, but you are  being subjected to the Worst of Lo......it was bound to happen someday...........this is the revolting other side of the Pollyanna girl and I am sure  in a few seconds you will  be praying for me to start sparkling with ", Glad, glad, glad and being grateful for receiving crutches from the Missionary Barrel ......grateful because she didn't need them.  Bah, humbug.   Fuck, piss, shit.....I DO need them goddammmit.

Well, not really.....first, I already have my own pair, plus 17 canes, the Walker, the manual (or  better I should say foot-operated wheelchair, since that is mostly how I used to scoot around in it when I had the  broken hip) and the electric razzle dazzle wheel chair for ramps and for street races with my neighbor Marge on her scooter.  And I haven't used any of them, except for the cane, for over a year.  Truth is, I am grateful for that.  I am not quite sure what is wrong with me right now.......I cannot imagine how even the most skilled vascular surgeon in captivity could have managed to remove my joie d' vivre while removing plaque from my left carotid artery.......but that seems to be what has happened and I am not only desolate but ashamed.

And considerably pissed off.

Actually, since I just spilled a cup of cappuchino all over my computer keyboard, mouse and 1000 notes here and there, you might say I am more than pissed....maybe apoplectic. And stricken dumb.

This is a perfect time to say....more later. sob.

Thursday, November 24, 2011

No Funny Business on Thanksgiving

I rarely approach the blogspot without thinking of the potentially funny bits I can toss into the pot, but today.....not so.  (Except that, to show the extreme depths of my boundless gratitude, I just overheard myself muttering to my innards, "Thank you, guts, for starting to work normally again."

I have so many things for which I am grateful that there is no way to enumerate them......... but I must tell you beloved readers how much your loyalty and good thoughts mean to me  (and of course, your wit and brilliance).    Even though we may never meet face to face, I feel a special connection to each one of you that is more important than actual contact and I believe that we communicate more deeply and meaningfully than many friends outside the blogosphere.

To all of you blessed darlings, "Thank You!........I love you."

And may it please you to hear......more later.

Tuesday, November 22, 2011

Graaack, Urkkkkklll, Blurgggghh........Mphmp......

Well, what's that you say?  Well, it looks like English to me!    What's that  ??????....italics?........hmmmm........I fear it may have to be italics..........I have forgotten the combination, not that I ever really knew it......sometimes if I pound on the Ctrl key hard enough it fixes things, but obviously, not today.......

And, furthermore,  if there's anything I hate it's when you are just drifting off into a nice blissful sleep and some rude masked man asks you if you can heave yourself off the gurney and get your bountiful bod onto the operating table.....hell there are at least 4 or 5 masked people standing around uselessly doing nothing......why can't they each grab an arm or a leg and heave me over themselves?.......

Anyway, that is the last I remember of  my former life.........there were absolutely NO great colorful dreams or adventures....in fact,  the world I was in was a strange grey brown color, I felt like I was lying on some odd, sharp  rubble like pulverized lava and people's faces were seen from time to time thru a haze of  gray-brown mist.......and the faces kept asking me how I was doing and I would snap I am just fine thank you, and go right back to sleep.

Apparently this continued for some time till I finally opened my eyes and asked, "What time is it?", and was told it was 5:30 which seemed about right to me since my surgery had been about 10 or 11 am........then I looked out the window and saw the sun rising in the east and asked, "What the hell day is it?" and when I found out it was Thursday not Wednesday anymore, that was when the wheels came off and the cart has not been running quite right since.  

I don't know why the idea of sleeping for 20 or so hours discombobulated me so much....or perhaps it was the idea of having lost a day unexpectedly.........it might have even been when I asked to go to the potty and the nurse said, "this is ICU......there is no potty"  that I lost my firm grip on reality. When she offered me the use of a bedpan and, I, for my own reasons, insisted on a commode or a real toilet things went downhill rapidly.  She assured me that a real room with a real toilet was in process of being prepared for me somewhere but now she had to go on her break........fortunately, still being in my post anesthesia stupor I could not protest too loudly and decided to just go back to sleep.

I have many more funny (?) stories of this hospital stay, but I will save them for another day when a few more of my faculties may have returned.  All I can say is that this visit was no fun at all, nor is this strange woozy convalescence I am experiencing...........I can only conclude that my brain, having accustomed itself to doing just fine on only 10% of blood flow, just doesn't know what the hell to do with this extra nourishment and has decided to just sleep it off till my body figures out  how to make things become normal again.  I have been assured by my doctors that this is the best idea I have had in three days.

Migawd, I have now been upright and awake for over 15 minutes..........I must immediately prostrate myself and drift off for a while.  Nice visiting with you.  Do come again when you or I or both of us can spend more time...............so sorry, but I must get a nap in here somewhere because I must be awake by 8 PM when NCIS and Mark Harmon appear on the TV..............NO, of course I haven't lost  ALL my marbles...zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz................

Friday, November 18, 2011

Newest News

Lo has survived and will be coming to you on her regular station shortly.  Home now and being tortured by cats.

Tuesday, November 15, 2011

Opening Wednesday 10am - Lo's Left Carotid......Closing 10:15 am....Hopefully

OK, my darlings......all the pre-op tests are complete and I am apparently in splendid condition for my adventure tomorrow.  I have decided not to take my laptop so you probably won't hear from me till Friday or Saturday.

Bless you all.......I love you........thanks for all your good thoughts.  Now don't forget what I have taught you.......especially "Don't Fall Down".

Fear not, Lo will blog again.

Saturday, November 12, 2011

Hey, Mother Nature.....What Did I Ever Do To You?.....

I  would really be in  a state of Rant were it not for the fact that my Pollyanna persona and my Gemini duality keep seeing it as sort of a Good Thing.   (IT being the rain last weekend that made us postpone our Yard Sale.)   Hell, a person can live for a week with 17 boxes stacked in their Living room and on their porch, can't they?

"Sure, I  can", I told myself........"and I can use the extra time to collect even more stuff and put it in even more boxes."   And so I did.

Sob.  It is now the following Saturday and once more the forecast has called for rain today, so once again we have postponed everything.  Maybe the Pennysaver will give us a  refund for the ad?

Meanwhile, sigh, on other fronts I have just found out, after innumerable pokes, pinches, scans and invasions of the bod, that my left carotid artery  needs to be roto-rooted of clogs like my right one was last year and the Vascular Plumber has been scheduled.   Therefore, even if  the sun should shine for 24 hours next Saturday I will be unable to attend because I will be back in the condition where I can not turn my head from straight ahead to anywhere right of center for a while.  They make those stitches so damned tight........besides.......the advance weather checker has just informed us that it may rain next  Saturday too.   How fortunate that by now I don't even notice the 17 boxes piled in the living room and on the front porch.  So now it looks like we may try to have our sale the first or second weekend in December.  If any of you have any pull with the gods of weather, pulleeeeze put in a good word for us, will ya.?

I don't want any of you to worry about me........I am sure I will emerge just fine and 90% additional blood supply to my poor brain can only be a good thing, dontcha think?  I will probably take my laptop with me, but I may or may not feel like blogging.  Last time I was evicted from the hospital after only a day so it may not even  be worth schlepping the thing with me.  We will see, but, rest assured, I will try to keep you informed.

In the meantime, any good thoughts you would like to send my way are always much appreciated  and, I promise you that, if I should happen to be routed into the tunnel, I will  definitely send you Steve Jobs'   "Oh Wow 3x" message and it will unequivocably  mean only Good Things.

Love ya' all.

Wednesday, November 9, 2011

Moses' Tablets on Mt. Sinai May Have To Take Second Place

I am puzzled, perplexed, bothered, bewildered and generally discombobulated by the fact that nobody has really talked about it.  At least, I haven't been able to find anything meaningful said about it.

Am I the only one who was totally blown away by Steve Jobs'  last words?  
"Oh Wow, Oh Wow, Oh Wow".

Maybe it is because I am so much closer to the Exit Door than most of you  (though I don' t really think that's it)  but I was absolutely flooded with awe when I read about his last moments and last words........and, I must confess, tantalized with a fragment of hope.

I happen to consider Mr. Jobs to have been one of the most monumental, brilliant, inspiring,  evolved and enlightened people on this planet and his contributions to the rest of us cannot properly be evaluated yet. Consequently I take his last words and calm demeanor very seriously.  I would have been equally fascinated if he had said, "Oh, Damn, Ouch, No, no, no,  Why me?" or (my favorite), "Shit, Piss, Fuck".  I would have been thrilled if he had said, "Oy vey" (but I realize that is just the shred of my Jewishness speaking,) since, having been a dedicated Zen Buddhist, I guess it would have been more in keeping if he had muttered, "Carry Water, Chop Wood".

I do not want anyone to think that I mean to denigrate my very serious and heartfelt feelings on this subject with humor.......I couldn't help speculate on what pronouncement I might be inspired to utter on my way out ........but, being a huge admirer of Zen as being the philosophy closest to truth and reason I must bring myself to admit that my own interpretation of his message, as best I can verbalize it, is that, finding himself in the tunnel between life and death,  he got a glimpse of something awesome that excited him to the possibility of  further adventures beyond the ones he was leaving behind.  

Face it, my dears.  It's what we all hope he meant  isn't it?   I guess I may be the only one dumb enough, naive enough, gullible enough, Pollyanna-ish enough  to put it in writing.   I just hope that on my way down the tunnel that is what I will be inspired to say.

Of course, I am willing to admit that what he really meant was simply "Oh Wow, Oh Wow, Oh Wow'.

I would love to hear your own feelings and ideas on the subject if anyone would care to share them.

Friday, November 4, 2011

Game Called Because of Rain.....Damn....or is it Hooray

I have only enough strength to utter a few grunts and monosyllables....... the big Yard Sale Project has had to be put off a weekbecause of rain.  (Yes, it does occasionally rain in California.....especially on the weekend of the big yard sale)   One half of me is rolling on the floor thanking every Deity ever prayed to  by man.   The other half is kicking the furniture in frustration.....not that there is really enough room to kick any furniture right now  because of the profusion of cardboard boxes full of goodies taking up every inch of floor space.

However, the bright side is that now that I have gotten the hang of this Make Way for Empty Space thing I am finding more and more stuff I think I can bear to part with and the extra week should help me organize a bit. (Ha).

Whatever, do not look forward to the promised tell-all blog for another week. 

Oy.......but I just realized that now I have to live thru another week of this agonizing waiting........better start an office pool on what day and hour Lois will deconstruct and sprinkle particles of herself over North Hollywood and adjacent communities.  Sigh.  Dammit,it IS  always something........

Thursday, November 3, 2011

Holy Crap! What Have I Done? I Must Have Been.......


The thing that I have feared and hidden from has come upon me....no, the damned truth is that I have brought it upon me.....posted a sign, put an invitation in the PennySaver  and invited it into my driveway, onto my front lawn and godknowswhereelse.  Do I have to let them use the bathroom?

My dear friends, you must have guessed it.  Desperation has driven me to participate in a neighborhood Yard Sale and I have only a few pitiful  hours left before I must schlepp 4,327 boxes down the street or commit suicide (and you must know in which direction I am tending).

I had to hire an expert in the field to take me by the scruff of the neck and drag me thru my bulging domain uttering phrases like, "Here, this is something you don't need...it will be perfect". whereupon she literally pried It out of my gnarled, clutching fingers and dropped it in a cardboard box, stonily ignoring my whimpering and pleas.  I will not dwell further on this horror right now because it is taking all  my courage and dedication to keep myself from dragging all those boxes back in from the porch.  On the other hand,  it is more than weird that I find myself opening more cabinets and finding treasures I had forgotten I even had and putting them into yet more cardboard boxes  at moments when I am not looking.

To be a crazy hoarder is wretched.....to have been collecting stuff from the four corners of the earth and from several relatives from before Methuselah makes it worse..........and to be partly logical and dispassionate at the same time is total agony and chaos.  I am not sure I will survive till Sunday at 4 pm, but if I should be so lucky (or so ill-fated)  I will be sure to blog you all about it.  Sigh....Gasp.....Groan.

I wonder if collecting for 85 years before having your first Yard Sale will qualify me for the Guinness Book of Records?

Hmmmmm.  Now in which box did she put that adorable brass mouse with the wavy tail?...........