Just Checking In with Last Kilowatt.......For Funny Stuff Go Elsewhere

Hello, darlings all.........just want you to know I am still ticking even though I have taken a licking....(anybody remember the old Timex Watch commercial?)

My oldest and only remaining friend from my childhood is having a bad year....something like the one I had last year only worse and my heart is breaking.  She had a small stroke in January,  a disastrous cataract operation
last month and, having gone down to Boston to consult an eye specialist, fell and broke her arm in 2 places before the consultation, ending up back in New Hampshire in the local Hospital.

I am bereft, heartbroken because there is nothing I can do to fix this.  Can't even help.  Of course I have called and spoken to her and will continue to do so, but I can't even send her funny cards.....funny cards are not funny when someone has to read them to you.  Flowers.....nah.   Chocolate......maybe.......  Last time I sent a bunch of Lindt Truffles......Oh, shit, piss, fuck.  Life is indeed cruel sometimes......

I will blog again when my funnybone revives.....meanwhile, it couldn't hurt if you sent good thoughts and a prayer or two to my dear friend, Stel.

Bless you all....and as I always say......DON'T FALL DOWN.

Looking For Miracles in All the Wrong Places???

 I have been wanting to write this blog for some time and didn't know quite how to get into it.   Well, dear old things, just to prove that procrastination doesn't really pay off,  I still don't.  However, when has that ever stopped me before?......my life often gives a different meaning to the phrase "Ignorance Is Bliss"......if I said it once, I've said it a thousand times....."oy, had I but known what I was getting myself into I would have duct taped myself to the chair till the impulse passed by:")

I never cease to marvel at (and be grateful for)  how some of my unplanned, spontaneous and accidental  and even foolish actions have resulted in the most amazing outcomes.   If you have been reading me for some time you know about some of the things I am talking about.  (i.e. meeting my hero, Magic Johnson, on my BD and, what's more, accidentally having my camera with me so I can prove to myself that I didn't dream it).  You may not agree but I call them my small (and not so small) miracles and no one will ever convince me that they aren't.  Well, I offer up the following story and if you don't agree with me that it is a blooming miracle..........well, I have to just feel sorry for you.  And regardless of whether you agree with me or not, there is a reward waiting for you at the end of this thing.

I  really do not have many friends.  (I truly believe that the blog world has changed that a bit, but let's not get bogged down in semantics here......)  From the time I was a child I have not had a huge circle of friends, but the ones I have had and the few that are still hanging in there are more precious than rubies etc.  When I lost my ultra - shyness some time back and became the intrepid talker to strangers, you might think that that might have changed, but when I became more outgoing I think I also became much more particular and consequently my precious circle has remained small....and that is OK with me because I find it hard to spread myself too thinly.......I mean,  there is only so much Lois to go around, ya' know?

Anyway,  one of the things that I love to do is to offer, nay, slather,  praise unreservedly where it is deserved.  I deplore the fact that so much goodness goes unthanked, so much brilliance goes unlauded and unrecognized.  It really breaks my heart that mediocrity barely one step removed from dog dung gets all the medals and true genius so often does not even get a superficial pat on the head for trying.  Now, if I were running things......sob....but I digress.

So, where was I?  Ah, yes......so in my old age I have taken to not only thanking every dear soul who holds a door open for me, I have taken to...... shamelessly writing fan letters.  (there, I've confessed).

Some years ago I happened upon some animation gems created by one of God's gifts to the world, a real genius named Bruno Bozzetto.  I had never heard of him but as soon as I saw a few samples of his work I immediately found my way to his website and gobbled up all the goodies he had set forth and I was totally overwhelmed.  I found that in Europe he was sort of the Italian Walt Disney but with a huge difference.  His art and humor was for adults and, thank heaven, was being properly appreciated  by garnering  every award offered.  (In fact, I found that he was nominated for an Academy Award  in the U.S a few years ago, but lost to.....well, I am not going to go there....just let me say....he wuz robbed).

After  a few days of replaying all of the bits of his work I could get my hands on thru the Internet, I calmed down enough to collect my thoughts and sat down and wrote him a fan email.  I truly do not remember if I included a sketch of myself worshiping at his feet in that first letter, but I blathered on endlessly in my usual unreserved fashion heaping mounds of praise on the poor man's unprotected head and finally ended with "Love, Lo" when I ran out of superlatives.  

I  felt good at having at least made this already recognized genius aware that one more person in the world appreciated his talents.  Then I wiped my sweaty hands on my jeans and went back to my important tasks of making the north hollywood humming birds too fat to fly and really forgot about the whole thing..


You can never know my amazement and joy a few days later when I saw in my email the name "Bruno Bozzetto" and found an utterly adorable and charming email in slightly broken English thanking me for my kind words.  (He apologized for his English with lovely self-deprecating humor describing it as  being in the category of "Me Tarzan....You Jane".)  (It was NOT). 

Since that moment we have been in constant touch........he writes to me about his current activities and family stories.   We send each other hand drawn greetings for different occasions.  He has showered me with gifts of his works....some original Cells from his movies, tapes and a full set of CD's of many of his productions.  I have been lucky enough to be able to reciprocate by sending him some things he wanted and it has been altogether wonderful.  A few years ago when I was planning a trip to Venice I checked on the map and found that there was Italian rail service from Venice to Milan and Bergamo (his base).  I cheekily wrote and told him of my trip and asked, if I were to take the train up to his area, if he would meet me and let me buy him a cup of coffee.  He wrote back excited and enthused, told me his (adult) twin daughters also  wanted to meet me and the 3 of them would drive to Milan from Bergamo  and take me to lunch.

And it happened just like that and it was heavenly.

I remember it like it was a dream......3 gorgeous Bozzettos and me having Risotto and salad and expresso (though I cannot remember eating at all).  He is a handsome and charming  and amazingly humble man and his girls are exquisite and delightful.....I hope I can find the photos we took so I can post them here.  (if I cannot find them now I promise to publish them soon.)

And we still keep in touch....the girls just wrote to me and have involved me in helping them and Bruno critique some English translations of a new script they are working on and, of course, I am honored to hell.  Who would  believe? And all I intended was to say "thank you" to someone who brought me some joy. What a reward!I am thrilled and honored beyond words to have this remarkable man and his family for my friends.

Now, I ask you......is not that whole thing a goddamned miracle or what ?

And now, for an encore I present you with a website which offers 8 little 5 or so minute works of the fabulous Bruno Bozzetto.  I believe there were 13 in all....I do not know what they were meant for.  They are wonderful little gems that just show a bit of his whimsical humor and vision of the world.  Enjoy.

http://www.youtube.com/user/otrokrisank#p/u/1/3gX7il1_R8A

Odds and Ends

Well, here I am......at least most of me, or perhaps that should be some of me............I think I dissolved or decontructed during the various BD celebrations and the strain of  my siege with the Driving Test  to get my License renewed.   Since then I have been lolling about in reclining chairs gasping quietly waiting for feeling to return to my limbs and clear thought to my brain..........I fear my memory is beginning to get a bit frayed around the edges...........(I spent two days last week trying to remember the name of the tree with the lavender flowers that blooms in June and finally came up with Jacaranda....I didn't even know how to Google that one).  I am periodically overcome with the terror of approaching Alzheimer's and have taken to making lists of my lists......but that is another story.
 
Anyway I had made a few notes of questions you had asked in your comments and that I had not yet answered and figure that might not tax my poor limp brain too much, so here goes:

Cathy of  "Still Waters" wanted to know, after my miraculous Magic Johnson BD encounter, what I would do for an encore next BD.....and that one is easy.......just make sure I am around for the next one.

Maybelline of "Maybelline's Gardens" whose sharp mind has a tendency to slide dangerously near to the line of demarcation between good clean fun and soft porn asked whether, in the photo of Nina, me and Magic Johnson,  I am invisibly clutching, patting or stroking Magic's butt........no, believe it or not my arm is around his waist where I did detect a tiny bit of a love handle on that magnificent bod.  If I had had all of my wits about me, which I didn't, I might have surreptitiously stroked that wonderful backside, but, woe is me, I didn't think of it.

And speaking of butts, Bobbie of "Cottleston Pie"  referred to my comment about the Mark Harmon movie that had a beautiful scene in which the Gorgeous Man is shown totally nekkid from the rear.  She asked me to reveal the title saying, "Inquiring minds want to know".   I will happily tell you that it is called "Fourth Story" and co-stars Mimi Rogers.  It is definitely not the best of Mark's movies........for one thing he plays a bumbling, nerdy Private Detective with horn rimmed glasses which he is always misplacing......a part you cannot imagine Mark Harmon in unless you see it with your own eyes.  I swear I believe he modeled the character after Woody Allen (whom I adore, but not in the same sentence or genre with Mark Harmon....it was definitely a character he had trouble getting into).  However, he does fall out of character a few times and it is worth watching just for the scene in which a noise makes him rise out of Mimi's bed (having finally shed some of his nerdiness) and he walks stealthily through the apartment sans any garments whatsoever. Beautiful back view from head to toe.

I am ashamed to say I do not remember who asked me which restaurants I celebrated in during my 2 day BD extrvaganza, but for any of you who plan to be passing through North Hollywood and Studio City I will gladly reveal that the site of my encounter with Magic was a wonderful Italian restaurant at Laurel and Ventura called "Louise's  (if you go do order and share the appetizer "Grilled Portabello Mushroom stuffed with Cheese and Spinach.  And the source of those mussels in broth and the incredible profiterole was the "Outtake Bistro" just as half a block east on Ventura.  I can definitely recommend both of them without shame and also wish to mention that their prices are amazingly reasonable.....(Hell, you all know how cheap I am but I demand both quality and reasonable prices).


And finally, I must clarify the subject of the California Driving Test for License renewals.  It is only half blind folks like me who are subjected to this torture every year or two, and in all fairness....how can you blame them?   My neighbor who is a year older than I am but who can pass the vision test with both eyes just had her license renewed for  5 years without having to take the driving test, only the written test and the eye test.
The Inspectors who administer the Driving Test are Devils who manage to find 21 mistakes you make even when you think you did everything perfectly.  It is impossible to guess what they are going to chew you out about so all you can do is pray that they do not find 22 mistakes and fail you.  As for the maniacs out there on the streets who are determined to kill or maim you and wouldn't know a correct driving procedure if it bit them on the ass, they don't have to take any damned driving test from first license until they reach the age of 70.....their renewed licenses are mailed to them automatically prior to their expiration.

The moral of that story is that, of the gazillion drivers who are licensed to drive in Los Angeles, half of them are in their dotage  and are half blind, they know how to drive well but are physically unable to do so for one reason or another......the other half are younger people who have forgotten every good driving rule or choose to simply ignore them all while they drive, chat, text, apply mascara, eat subway sandwiches, move wildly to the beat of their blasting stereos, or simply drive with their heads turned backward while they scream endlessly at their kids in the back seat and rarely cast an eye to the front at all.

When you think about it, it is a bloody miracle anyone in California who sets foot in a car survives to do it again another day.......

Huzzah! Clear the road! Lo Is Licensed to Drive!

Just a quick report today......I finally got all the Eye doctors' reports completed in time and this morning I shlepped all the papers to the DMV and was "allowed" to take the Driving Test to get my Drivers" License renewed.

The happy words are:    I PASSED !

Tenks Gott.  Now I think I will go back to bed.  Have not slept well for 2 weeks since this whole nonsense began.  Have another drink on me, everyone!

More later.

Horrors....a Huge Error and an Abject Apology

Short and to the point.

Ugh.  Red faced I beg your forgiveness........ I have had some uneasy moments since using the word "misogynist" in my blog the other day to describe my hermit-like, people avoiding behavior.  Something told me I was misusing the word so I just Googled it and, Oy, am I embarrassed.

According to the various definitions the word rally means "woman hater" and that is absolutely NOT what I am nor what I intended to convey.  I am not sure at this moment what word I should have used but I want to proclaim to the world that I am definitely not a woman hater....To paraphrase Henry Higgins, I happen to think we are a Marvelous sex.  For fear of getting my foot stuck in my mouth permanently I will not go any further.

Please forgive me if I misled anyone, disappointed anyone  or wounded any of my lovely female readers.   Sob.  I love words, but someday I fear they may be the death of me......

And while I am apologizing,   I must beg everyone's pardon for doing such a lousy job of trying to be satiric.......my last blog where I mused about virtues/sins/heaven really went afield and some of you thought I was serious about it all. 

Goldurnit....don't you guys know when I am just funnin' with you?  Again, sorry if I misled you or offended anyone.  I WILL try to do better in the future.  But don't worry....no matter how badly I screw up, I will not quit.

Dangers of an Empty But Not Idle Mind

When a person gets up into the high decades, a person begins to examine his/her life for glaring  fatal flaws of the soul and embarrassing patches of dubious backsliding or cowardly non-development.  At least, this person does.    I have been ruminating a lot lately and falling into periods of deep introspection.  This has brought me to several unsettling conclusions.

While pondering a few things recently  I realized that all the supposed good deeds I have done in my life may have been done  for all the wrong (like selfish) reasons.  Because, while the intention may be to benefit the other person, the doing of the good deed  makes ME feel good.   So, the question is......am I really a good samaritan or am I a self indulgent wuz?     Oy, Oy......Where do I go from here with this?  Do they still count as good deeds?  Or do they all get reclassified as sinful black demerits?

First, let us  assume for the sake of this blog, that the concept of "heaven" has some basis for belief.   If they are indeed sins I wouldn't stand a chance of getting anywhere near the pearly gates much less gaining entry.  I am shaken to my very foundation by the realization that some of those qualities which I have assigned the name of   "virtues" can just as easily be considered sins  (of the darkest kind).


It also occurred to me that, based on what I understand to exist in the rulebooks of many established religions, the more heinous the sins and the more blackhearted the sinner may be, said  black sheep  gets preferential treatment on getting into heaven if he acknowledges his sins, accepts into his heart the particular Savior, repents and begs forgiveness.  Does this mean then that those who have sinned less often  and less grievously are relegated to the tail end of the line,  perpetually delaying their chances of getting into heaven by having not been evil enough and therefore unable to repent enough.......etc.?

Oh, dear.

Using  this premise then, it appears to me that maybe  the only folks who have been getting  into heaven for quite some time are the dirtiest rottenest scoundrels who are wise enough to take advantage of this loophole thereby getting moved to the front of the line, while those of lesser faults are still cooling their heels in the antechambers or outside the gates altogether.  Now, I know that life is not fair, but this seems to overdo the inequity of things a bit much, wouldn't you say?  Damn!

Hmmmmmm........I am really sorry that I started on this line of thinking in the first place.  It appears that the only way I will get out of this corner that I have painted myself into is to fall back on the blessed argument of symbiosis.........the delightful condition where you sort of get to ask,   "Mmmmm......was it as good for you as it was for me?.....and the other person says, "Mmmmmm....even better."

Some Cockamamie Thoughts from Southwest Limbo

 I have, for the moment, ceased to worry about being addicted to Blogsville.  It appears to be a relatively harmless addiction and, it IS free so I am just going to accept it's presence in my life with gratitude and let it be.  Then again, I have been eavesdropping on some of my private thoughts lately and perhaps I really should be worried.  Like, for instance...........


Sometimes it seems to me that relating to people in the real world is sort of like Facebook or maybe Twitter or a cocktail party.........lots of people...you brush against them and talk briefly to a few or to many.....you mouth meaningless trivia....usually 50 words or less.......you keep moving and circulating....... if it is a cocktail party,  you keep drinking till you are so blotto that nothing matters or hurts any more and you "friend" everyone (even people you normally loathe and wouldn't be caught dead with) and, worst of all,  you think you are having a good time.

Though you are dealing with real people you are really not plugged into anyone unless you happen to make a soused connection with someone of the opposite sex that you are inspired to take home with you for the night.....otherwise your connections mostly feel superficial,  feel like dust and taste like cardboard.


On the other hand, sharing thoughts in the blog world can be more like sharing a fabulous cup of home brewed French Roast coffee and an apple streudel (sp?)   with a dear friend while you both lean toward each other giggling, nodding and lounging at your kitchen table. You  listen to what the other person has to say and they listen to you, and you  make real contact and feel that your inner self has been touched.   You are warmed and nourished...... and....satisfied.......and amazingly, 10,000 people (or in my case 141) can all be having the same or a similar experience at the same moment.  Awesome.

I am not saying that you don't or can't have pleasurable experiences with real people in the real world.....just that they are very different experiences and the more I think about it the more I feel that I, for one, really need both kinds in my life. 


I wonder, is it only misogynous old hermits like me who feel this way, or do you more normal (?) social, gregarious types ever feel this way too? 

I would really love to hear your thoughts on this........I think. 




                                                                    

A Few Questions and Some Answers or Does Lois Live Her Life Nekkid

One of my main problems and shortcomings since I started this blog has  been responding to my precious readers comments.  I tried at first to toss an acknowledgement back at each commenter, but I found that didn't work for me.  In my feebleness, it took a huge amount of time and strength and did not feel satisfying to me so I took the easy, selfish way out and decided I would better use the time to comment on YOUR blogs and thus it has continued.

Every now and then I think I have issued a blog with a mass "Thank You" to all you dear souls who check in here to see if I have perchance had a new thought during the week and I hoped that it would be enough.  Of course an occasional  random thanks for all the joy you bring me and the love I feel from you is really an puny and paltry abomination......but I can only hope that you know how much I love all of you without my nattering on about it constantly.  There is no way to tell you in words what your wonderfulnesses mean to me or how you have enhanced and brightened my life.....I feel like you are all Family and I am no longer an Orphan/Widow Lady plodding along alone.  What a gift!  And after this weekend when you deluged me with wonderful birthday wishes I want so much to let you know what it meant to me.   One more time I must simply say a huge "Thanks" and hope it conveys something of my feelings for you all.

But......(knowing me, you know there's always a "but" )  today I realized that you sometimes ask me questions in your comments and the only way I have found to answer them has been to try to email you an answer, and that seems OK, except that it doesn't serve those of you who might also have wondered about the same thing and waited for me to respond in a comment........so convoluted.......Anyway, since I can't do the tit- for- tat, comment- for- comment thing, I just figured out that at least I could blog it and answer a bunch of queries at one time.  I have only had the energy to go back a few blogs and pick out some questions but perhaps this will sate your collective curiosities a bit.

First, I think it was Cathy of "Still Waters" who was puzzled by my loud and constant resistance to putting on clothing and wondered exactly how I am garbed or un-garbed normally when I am at home rather than out in public. Well, I'll tell you.....it ain't necessarily a purty sight.

You already know that I skinny-dip when I go in the pool, but that does not necessarily mean I like to run around the house and gardens bare-ass nekkid.  I find that quite fun sometimes  for brief periods, but it is NOT the best solution all told.  For one thing.....it is dangerous to one's overall well being to cook naked.    Especially when one is sauteing something in olive oil, for instance.   And even though my blessed house is very private because of the front walled little courtyard garden and the excess of foliage around the property, people do occasionally open the gate to the courtyard and come to my front door.  On those occasions I am in deep doo-doo if I happen to be sitting at the dining table blogging away in my altogether since the front wall of my living/dining area is mostly glass.  I am NOT an exhibitionist and do not want to frighten or scandalize any Jehovah's Witnesses so I decided early on that some body covering was necessary.

I know most of my female followers will understand when I say I have always hated wearing a bra......they are uncomfortable at best, always gouging us in some tender spot or other,  especially for the poor souls who carry permanent dents in our shoulders from toting those boobs around for a gazllion years......so, any time I can go without is sheer delight.  First order of the non-clothing thing is No Bra. !

The fashionable among you will probably gasp in horror when I reveal that I no longer see the need to make any effort to be fashionable much less seductive in what I wear to bed......the cats don't give a damn what I am wearing when I offer them their goodies thank heaven and they are the only ones around so I have given all my sexy lingerie to the GoodWill and sleep and  live mostly in very long, XXlarge, soft tee shirts....some with questionable comments across the front.  That is my favorite garment of all time and, if I were going to be buried in a coffin, I would demand that it be in my favorite with the huge bull dog and the iteration "Bad Dog"across the front.

Next, I do not want to offend anyone's delicate sensibilities but I am obsessed with the truth so please do not flinch or faint or desert.   To continue, (I think I have already confessed this in earlier blogs)  I  belong to that huge contingent of old folks who sometimes.......well..... leak, so I am rarely without my second favorite garment called "Depends". Sigh and sob.....a simple fact of extended life.


During the cold months I also don a garment I invented years ago made of sweat shirt fabric fleecy inside , with a warm cowl neck and pockets, which keeps me warm from head to toe.  In the warm months I have a few of these I made of light airy fabrics for at-home Dress-Up, but usually, the long Tee suffices for all my needs and it is less to rip off when I am seized with the urge to go into the pool.  I used to finish off this fetching costume with flip flops, but they now hurt my ancient toes so I wear mocs or a slipper kind of like a heelless Ugg.........

Holy, unmerciful Heavens, I cannot believe I have filled up this whole effing blog with an interminable answer to just One Question.  Who will ever believe that I once was so shy and so speechless that I could barely meet anyone's gaze and could only mutter a whispered  "yes" or a "no"occasionally........do you think it is possible that I have been invaded by Aliens???

I am almost too ashamed to say it, but......"More later".