Well, dammit, there is obviously no use waiting around for the day when I once again feel ippsy pippsy, when I am brimming over with mental health and goodwill toward men, when my vision is clear and my sciatic nerve is no longer sending zingers up and down my leg and stabbing me in the fanny.......I figure I had better blog something or they will be sending the St. Bernard with the keg of brandy around his neck out to find me in the snowdrifts. Hmmmm, now that I think of it, that is not such a bad idea........
My spirits are low and my heart is full of sadness......being besieged from all sides with bad news and poor prognoses. Face it folks, that is what happens when a person gets to be as old as Methuselah.......I was just talking to an old buddy of 89 and she agreed with me 100%.......feh...... who needs to be agreed with on something like that? Sigh. Anyway, I still possess a shred of decency and worry about my dear followers worrying about me, so here I am, all warts, prickles, snapping teeth and snarls and growls, popping up on your laptop screens to utter a cheery "Hi" and assure you that I am still alive and very much kicking.
No, goddammit, I have still not taken any photos of Paulie......wanna make something of it? In my own defense I will mention that the digital camera is lying here on the table beckoning flirtatiously at me and the video camera has been unearthed, prepped with new batts and left within grabbing distance, but I am oddly resistant to accomplishing taking pictures or, for that matter, doing almost anything. Didja ever have a day/week/month like that?
Actually I blame it all on Apple, that damnable stock which has been giving me fits for a few years now, and if I had the brains God gave Ostriches (I hear their brains are smaller than their eyes)....I would just take my lumps and get out with my life......my relationship with Apple can only be compared with an abusive marriage and I am the stupid, masochistic idiot wife without the gumption or good sense to pack up and leave. (well, there was that one time when it was up about 200 points and I thought about taking my profits but I could not make myself push the button on the Sell ticket becaus I was sure it still had some Up left in it........oh, never mind.)
On the bright side, my precious Finches are still flitting back and forth happily, munching lettuce and Millet and laying eggs that never seem to hatch which is OK by me, splashing gaily in their swimming pool and sitting on their perches with eyes closed listening avidly while I sing old songs to them. They obviously think I am the world's greatest vocalizer and I do not intend to tell them they could be mistaken. I just have to make sure they never hear anyone else sing anything.
And my adorable Paulie Klibancat continues to fill me with joy whenever I give her the chance. She is being spoiled rotten but not showing any signs of spoiledrottenness. A true miracle cat.
Now, if I could only get these mashed potatoes out of my head and have someone reinstall my brain so I can think straight again things might be looking up. Meanwhile, I will just settle into the recliner with the wonderful massaging chair cover and listen to some more Books on Tape. If you wonder where I am you can look for me there. Reclining chairs, massaging chair covers and Recorded Books are among the true blessings of this world. I highly recommend them no matter what is wrong with you....or even if nothing is. Oh, lordy, don't tell Miss Bruestle my 8th grade English teacher that I not only wrote but published that sentence. She'll make me stand in the corner...........
The New Yorker covers: September 26, 2011
6 hours ago
You’re a fraud, Lo – you’re obviously a twenty-five year old, but with the nous, wit and kick-ass of the rest of us human race combined. I love you!
ReplyDeleteYes, you are required to post at least once a week. We miss your bitching and complaining and need updates on the finches and the new cat.
ReplyDeleteOtherwise I will report you as missing to the authorities!
You gotta Massaging Chair Cover!!! I must get one of those. No wonder those photos/videos of Paulie haven't come yet. ah well, all in due course. I had a good day today - was able to bend far enough to tie my shoe laces without too much pain. But now I have a rash from eating too many cucumbers from my garden. It never ends! Take care and as joeh said, once a week, write, or else.....
ReplyDeleteWhat Joe and Tim said. Don't tell my teacher I wrote that, either, but it is from the heart.
ReplyDeleteShit. Being Pollyanna is highly overrated. I think that if we can express gratefulness when things are good, we have the right to bitch when it all falls down.
ReplyDeleteThanks for checking in, Lo.
I am hoping all the best for you.
I still love you, posts or no... Grumpy or no...
ReplyDeleteHuge hugs your way ~~~
Here's some fun quotes from "1,003 Great Things About Getting Older" by Birnbach, Hodgman, Marx, and Owen (wow! four authors for one tiny book!) "If you were going to get Alzheimer's, you'd have it by now." "Now that you're retired, you'll never be fired." "You're less likely to be arrested for loitering." And my fav "If you were a Supreme Court justice, you'd still be working."
ReplyDeleteKeeping you in my good thoughts.
ReplyDeletex
Well your post made my morning anyway - fanny means something completely different here in the UK!
ReplyDeleteKeep on truckin lady! x
I don't believe that your head is full of mashed potatoe Lo, your post proves that.
ReplyDeleteAt the risk of appearing to be a sycophant I think your blog is one of the best out there, no joking. I love it.
Grumpy? You're entitled to be anything you like in my books, in fact it's nice to read a blog that's not overflowing with sweetness.
Still, there's no excuse for the lack of photo's of this new cat. lol
Briony
xx
I once saw an Art Linkletter show (remember him?) where he interviewed children and asked them "what do brains look like?"
ReplyDeleteOne kid replied, "Like mashed potatoes with ketchup stirred in to it."
:) Seems like yours are doing just fine.
Lo
ReplyDeleteI hear Pollyanna moved to Gary Indiana. Then we'll have to sing that song from Music Man. Well, I sing it anyway.
Sorry you are down in the dumps. It gets that way sometimes but where there's a down, there's an up.
Once I had 2 canaries and I wanted them to have babies. They kept laying lots of eggs, too but they never hatched. Finally a person with canary knowledge came and told me they were both females.
Much good cheer to you