Huzzah! Clear the road! Lo Is Licensed to Drive!

Just a quick report today......I finally got all the Eye doctors' reports completed in time and this morning I shlepped all the papers to the DMV and was "allowed" to take the Driving Test to get my Drivers" License renewed.

The happy words are:    I PASSED !

Tenks Gott.  Now I think I will go back to bed.  Have not slept well for 2 weeks since this whole nonsense began.  Have another drink on me, everyone!

More later.

Horrors....a Huge Error and an Abject Apology

Short and to the point.

Ugh.  Red faced I beg your forgiveness........ I have had some uneasy moments since using the word "misogynist" in my blog the other day to describe my hermit-like, people avoiding behavior.  Something told me I was misusing the word so I just Googled it and, Oy, am I embarrassed.

According to the various definitions the word rally means "woman hater" and that is absolutely NOT what I am nor what I intended to convey.  I am not sure at this moment what word I should have used but I want to proclaim to the world that I am definitely not a woman hater....To paraphrase Henry Higgins, I happen to think we are a Marvelous sex.  For fear of getting my foot stuck in my mouth permanently I will not go any further.

Please forgive me if I misled anyone, disappointed anyone  or wounded any of my lovely female readers.   Sob.  I love words, but someday I fear they may be the death of me......

And while I am apologizing,   I must beg everyone's pardon for doing such a lousy job of trying to be satiric.......my last blog where I mused about virtues/sins/heaven really went afield and some of you thought I was serious about it all. 

Goldurnit....don't you guys know when I am just funnin' with you?  Again, sorry if I misled you or offended anyone.  I WILL try to do better in the future.  But don't worry....no matter how badly I screw up, I will not quit.

Dangers of an Empty But Not Idle Mind

When a person gets up into the high decades, a person begins to examine his/her life for glaring  fatal flaws of the soul and embarrassing patches of dubious backsliding or cowardly non-development.  At least, this person does.    I have been ruminating a lot lately and falling into periods of deep introspection.  This has brought me to several unsettling conclusions.

While pondering a few things recently  I realized that all the supposed good deeds I have done in my life may have been done  for all the wrong (like selfish) reasons.  Because, while the intention may be to benefit the other person, the doing of the good deed  makes ME feel good.   So, the question is......am I really a good samaritan or am I a self indulgent wuz?     Oy, Oy......Where do I go from here with this?  Do they still count as good deeds?  Or do they all get reclassified as sinful black demerits?

First, let us  assume for the sake of this blog, that the concept of "heaven" has some basis for belief.   If they are indeed sins I wouldn't stand a chance of getting anywhere near the pearly gates much less gaining entry.  I am shaken to my very foundation by the realization that some of those qualities which I have assigned the name of   "virtues" can just as easily be considered sins  (of the darkest kind).


It also occurred to me that, based on what I understand to exist in the rulebooks of many established religions, the more heinous the sins and the more blackhearted the sinner may be, said  black sheep  gets preferential treatment on getting into heaven if he acknowledges his sins, accepts into his heart the particular Savior, repents and begs forgiveness.  Does this mean then that those who have sinned less often  and less grievously are relegated to the tail end of the line,  perpetually delaying their chances of getting into heaven by having not been evil enough and therefore unable to repent enough.......etc.?

Oh, dear.

Using  this premise then, it appears to me that maybe  the only folks who have been getting  into heaven for quite some time are the dirtiest rottenest scoundrels who are wise enough to take advantage of this loophole thereby getting moved to the front of the line, while those of lesser faults are still cooling their heels in the antechambers or outside the gates altogether.  Now, I know that life is not fair, but this seems to overdo the inequity of things a bit much, wouldn't you say?  Damn!

Hmmmmmm........I am really sorry that I started on this line of thinking in the first place.  It appears that the only way I will get out of this corner that I have painted myself into is to fall back on the blessed argument of symbiosis.........the delightful condition where you sort of get to ask,   "Mmmmm......was it as good for you as it was for me?.....and the other person says, "Mmmmmm....even better."

Some Cockamamie Thoughts from Southwest Limbo

 I have, for the moment, ceased to worry about being addicted to Blogsville.  It appears to be a relatively harmless addiction and, it IS free so I am just going to accept it's presence in my life with gratitude and let it be.  Then again, I have been eavesdropping on some of my private thoughts lately and perhaps I really should be worried.  Like, for instance...........


Sometimes it seems to me that relating to people in the real world is sort of like Facebook or maybe Twitter or a cocktail party.........lots of people...you brush against them and talk briefly to a few or to many.....you mouth meaningless trivia....usually 50 words or less.......you keep moving and circulating....... if it is a cocktail party,  you keep drinking till you are so blotto that nothing matters or hurts any more and you "friend" everyone (even people you normally loathe and wouldn't be caught dead with) and, worst of all,  you think you are having a good time.

Though you are dealing with real people you are really not plugged into anyone unless you happen to make a soused connection with someone of the opposite sex that you are inspired to take home with you for the night.....otherwise your connections mostly feel superficial,  feel like dust and taste like cardboard.


On the other hand, sharing thoughts in the blog world can be more like sharing a fabulous cup of home brewed French Roast coffee and an apple streudel (sp?)   with a dear friend while you both lean toward each other giggling, nodding and lounging at your kitchen table. You  listen to what the other person has to say and they listen to you, and you  make real contact and feel that your inner self has been touched.   You are warmed and nourished...... and....satisfied.......and amazingly, 10,000 people (or in my case 141) can all be having the same or a similar experience at the same moment.  Awesome.

I am not saying that you don't or can't have pleasurable experiences with real people in the real world.....just that they are very different experiences and the more I think about it the more I feel that I, for one, really need both kinds in my life. 


I wonder, is it only misogynous old hermits like me who feel this way, or do you more normal (?) social, gregarious types ever feel this way too? 

I would really love to hear your thoughts on this........I think. 




                                                                    

A Few Questions and Some Answers or Does Lois Live Her Life Nekkid

One of my main problems and shortcomings since I started this blog has  been responding to my precious readers comments.  I tried at first to toss an acknowledgement back at each commenter, but I found that didn't work for me.  In my feebleness, it took a huge amount of time and strength and did not feel satisfying to me so I took the easy, selfish way out and decided I would better use the time to comment on YOUR blogs and thus it has continued.

Every now and then I think I have issued a blog with a mass "Thank You" to all you dear souls who check in here to see if I have perchance had a new thought during the week and I hoped that it would be enough.  Of course an occasional  random thanks for all the joy you bring me and the love I feel from you is really an puny and paltry abomination......but I can only hope that you know how much I love all of you without my nattering on about it constantly.  There is no way to tell you in words what your wonderfulnesses mean to me or how you have enhanced and brightened my life.....I feel like you are all Family and I am no longer an Orphan/Widow Lady plodding along alone.  What a gift!  And after this weekend when you deluged me with wonderful birthday wishes I want so much to let you know what it meant to me.   One more time I must simply say a huge "Thanks" and hope it conveys something of my feelings for you all.

But......(knowing me, you know there's always a "but" )  today I realized that you sometimes ask me questions in your comments and the only way I have found to answer them has been to try to email you an answer, and that seems OK, except that it doesn't serve those of you who might also have wondered about the same thing and waited for me to respond in a comment........so convoluted.......Anyway, since I can't do the tit- for- tat, comment- for- comment thing, I just figured out that at least I could blog it and answer a bunch of queries at one time.  I have only had the energy to go back a few blogs and pick out some questions but perhaps this will sate your collective curiosities a bit.

First, I think it was Cathy of "Still Waters" who was puzzled by my loud and constant resistance to putting on clothing and wondered exactly how I am garbed or un-garbed normally when I am at home rather than out in public. Well, I'll tell you.....it ain't necessarily a purty sight.

You already know that I skinny-dip when I go in the pool, but that does not necessarily mean I like to run around the house and gardens bare-ass nekkid.  I find that quite fun sometimes  for brief periods, but it is NOT the best solution all told.  For one thing.....it is dangerous to one's overall well being to cook naked.    Especially when one is sauteing something in olive oil, for instance.   And even though my blessed house is very private because of the front walled little courtyard garden and the excess of foliage around the property, people do occasionally open the gate to the courtyard and come to my front door.  On those occasions I am in deep doo-doo if I happen to be sitting at the dining table blogging away in my altogether since the front wall of my living/dining area is mostly glass.  I am NOT an exhibitionist and do not want to frighten or scandalize any Jehovah's Witnesses so I decided early on that some body covering was necessary.

I know most of my female followers will understand when I say I have always hated wearing a bra......they are uncomfortable at best, always gouging us in some tender spot or other,  especially for the poor souls who carry permanent dents in our shoulders from toting those boobs around for a gazllion years......so, any time I can go without is sheer delight.  First order of the non-clothing thing is No Bra. !

The fashionable among you will probably gasp in horror when I reveal that I no longer see the need to make any effort to be fashionable much less seductive in what I wear to bed......the cats don't give a damn what I am wearing when I offer them their goodies thank heaven and they are the only ones around so I have given all my sexy lingerie to the GoodWill and sleep and  live mostly in very long, XXlarge, soft tee shirts....some with questionable comments across the front.  That is my favorite garment of all time and, if I were going to be buried in a coffin, I would demand that it be in my favorite with the huge bull dog and the iteration "Bad Dog"across the front.

Next, I do not want to offend anyone's delicate sensibilities but I am obsessed with the truth so please do not flinch or faint or desert.   To continue, (I think I have already confessed this in earlier blogs)  I  belong to that huge contingent of old folks who sometimes.......well..... leak, so I am rarely without my second favorite garment called "Depends". Sigh and sob.....a simple fact of extended life.


During the cold months I also don a garment I invented years ago made of sweat shirt fabric fleecy inside , with a warm cowl neck and pockets, which keeps me warm from head to toe.  In the warm months I have a few of these I made of light airy fabrics for at-home Dress-Up, but usually, the long Tee suffices for all my needs and it is less to rip off when I am seized with the urge to go into the pool.  I used to finish off this fetching costume with flip flops, but they now hurt my ancient toes so I wear mocs or a slipper kind of like a heelless Ugg.........

Holy, unmerciful Heavens, I cannot believe I have filled up this whole effing blog with an interminable answer to just One Question.  Who will ever believe that I once was so shy and so speechless that I could barely meet anyone's gaze and could only mutter a whispered  "yes" or a "no"occasionally........do you think it is possible that I have been invaded by Aliens???

I am almost too ashamed to say it, but......"More later".

I MUST Have a Guardian Angel......

Gotta continue reciting the high points of my 84th BD not out of arrogance, but out of awe, wonder and great humility.

But first, a few words.....(you know how dangerous that can be....)

For many years I have honestly felt like I have a Guardian Angel......I have had so many little "miracles" and some not so small.  When I look back at how my life has evolved and developed (sometimes actually in spite of me) I cannot help but think that I have had some mysterious help along the way.  And, what the hell.....it does no harm for me to think that (unless I take to stepping off cliffs and expecting my GA to catch me before I hit the ground) and so I go blissfully on my lonely way feeling that I am not quite alone.

I also must go on record  saying that I do not really believe in coincidences....I do, however,  believe in serendipity.......sometimes amazing and wonderful things just happen and you can't figure out how or why....you must just accept, enjoy and be grateful.......

So, there I was yesterday, waiting for my old friend, Nina, to arrive and take me out for yet another Birthday Lunch.   I was dressed (bra, jeans, shirt and even shoes.......teeth brushed, hair combed, perfume (Bellodgia, one of my favorites) dabbed here and there.....and as I sat at the computer reading a last blog or two I had a sudden thought.  Why not take my camera....for what reason I do not know.....( I rarely take my camera with me unless I have a real reason)..........but the voice in my head was so strong and insistent that I dug it out of the pile of stuff next to me on the dining room table and shoved it in my purse.

Nina arrived and off we went to one of my favorite restaurants in Studio City and, since it was a holiday (No, no....not my birthday....Memorial Day) the dining room was nearly empty and we felt like we owned the place.  As we nibbled and gabbled away Nina suddenly said, " Who is that huge, black man standing out there on the terrace?".  Of course, my vision leaves a lot to be desired anymore so I peered out and all I could see was a large dark shape so I told her I did not know and we went back to our chatting and chomfing.

When we were finished I looked wistfully at the several pieces of wonderful garlic herb bread that we had been unable to consume and thought how grand they would be as a mid evening snack and, before I knew what I was doing, I wrapped them in the napkin they were nestling in and shoved them in my purse while explaining to Nina how very much I hated waste.  (Having known me for at least 50 years and never seen me able to leave a morsel behind on a restaurant table, she already knew how much I hated waste.)   As we shlepped ourselves up to leave, she asked the waiter, "Do you know who that huge black man on the terrace is?" and he replied, "It's Magic Johnson!"   (In my head I heard  !!!**////^##@ !!!)  I do believe I screamed, gabbled incoherently, hugged the waiter and Nina and dragged her to the door with terrible panting noises emerging from my mouth.

As we exited, my feet automatically pointed themselves toward this tall, oh my, very tall dark shape seated at a table nearby and found myself standing next to his table peering avidly into his eyes.  A strange voice choked out, "Excuse me, but are you Magic Johnson?"  The dark face suddenly blazed forth with that incomparable smile that even I could see and said, "Yes, Ma'am, I am."   I lost it totally at this point and remember shrieking something restrained like, "OhmyGod....you are my Idol, you are my Hero, I love you madly....I think I have seen every game you ever played and I worship you not only for your skill on the court but for all you have done for your community and mankind....Holy Moly, this is my 84th birthday and you have just given me the greatest gift.oh, thank you, thank you...blah, blah and blah........"  I think I stopped for breath because he stood  up laughing and managed to thank me, wished me a happy birthday and said, "Do you have a camera with you?.....we can take a picture."  I was just about to wring my hands and say, "No" when I realized that, for some inexplicable reason, I DID have a camera with me, and while I was digging madly in my purse for it, praying all the while that I did not come forth and put a piece of garlic bread into his outstretched hand by mistake, I found it and before you could say "Slam Dunk" we were captured digitally by his sister and could be seen staggering away with me still in a fog still gabbling unintelligibly, but not quite as loudly.

To be honest, I am still not quite recovered from the shock of it all.  Actually every word I uttered was the truth.......I had followed basketball since I worked at UCLA in 1963 -66 and got to see a rising star there named Lou Alcindor who then morphed into a Laker Legend named Kareem Abdul Jabaar.   When Magic joined the Lakers in the 80's  I was a constant fan and I really adored the way Magic moved, played, scored, smiled, enjoyed and Won.  It hasn't been the same for me since those fabulous days of "Showtime" and I could never express how much joy he and the other teammates brought me for so many years.  Well, obviously, I still can't properly express it, but danged if I didn't try my damndest.

And, now, for those of you who may not believe in miracles......you may want to rethink that....

A

And, by the way.....no, I am not sitting down.....I am that short and he is that tall !

Everything But Fingerprints and DNA

Well, my dears, the BD celebration continues.......another old friend took me out today for a birthday lunch and that is another blog altogether.  I am still in a whirl over yesterday's delights.
Meanwhile, here is a bit of frou-frou from yesterday.

Here is yours truly ( the one with the triple double chins) with beloved friends Don and Valerie.  I have known Don for nearly 60 years and Val for quite a many.  Since Val's BD and mine are just a day apart we have taken to celebrating them together for the past few years and it is always a joy.  I don't think Don will mind if I tell you that he is quite a talented and acclaimed actor, wonderful face, gorgeous singing and speaking voice,  (having appeared on Broadway in the original production of  Kurt Weill's "Threepenny Opera", in a number of movies, Tv films and shows and many, many commercials.  He confessed humbly that he had won the equivalent of an Oscar for his starring role in a Texaco commercial years back.  His wife, Val, is also very talented, a wonderful writer, and quite an actress...she informed me she has about a hundred videos on You Tube by now among other appearances.  Anyway, When I bragged about being 84, Don topped me by telling me he was 88, and we all agreed to have some kind of blast on his 90th.

Above, you are looking at three sated souls, having just devoured  platefuls of mussels in garlic, herbs and butter, fresh baked sourdough bread for dunking in broth and split a huge Mediterranean salad, and who were gluttonously preparing to attack the most outrageous dessert...(to be seen on the table in front of me) ...the menu called it profiteroles  (sp?), but all I know is it was a sort of cream puff stuffed with ice cream, bananas, strawberries, doused with caramel and chocolate sauces....I think there were a few nuts tossed in there for good measure.  By the way....we shared it, but as you can see it was quite a generous offering.

One of the highlights of the day aside from the food and the company was the waitress who served us. She bustled up to the table clutching 3 huge bowls containing mussels and broth and gave us each our dish along with a knife and fork.  When I gently summoned her back to the table motioning at the implements she rushed off and returned with 3 mussel forks.  One of us suggested that we really needed spoons, so off she went returning with 3 teaspoons.......!   I think we had to call her supervisor and make it perfectly clear that, dolts that we were, we required soup spoons.  Poor thing....she had probably never realized that the broth from the mussels hidden below all those shells was really the best part.

All in all, a lovely afternoon with updates, giggles, reminiscences and a warm aura of  memories and much love.  Thanks, dear old buddies.