Awaiting Torture by the Physical Terrorist

Once again this will be a poor excuse for a blog, but as my dear Mamma used to say.....it is better than a poke in the eye with a sharp stick.

I am preparing my mind and bod for the hourlong session with Jay, my adorable physical therapist.  I sort of dread it beforehand, but, after it is over I always feel better and am thrilled at my progress even though I may ache for a while.....there is always Tylenol and it is a thrill to be able to lift my own leg up onto the footstool.

I have a new achievement to brag about............as some of you may know I have been doing a lot of crocheting durng the past 10 or 20 years...........actually I relearned the art back when Pete was alive and we used to sit in the den and watch sports on TV for hours......I decided there had to be something fruitful I could do during that time so I took up crocheting and have been producing prodigiously ever since....mostly afghans for friends and for the clients of Meals On Wheels (the wonderful charity who feeds the elderly, many of whom  are given our lap warmers on their birthdays.)  Of course I also keep the prettiest ones for myself.....why the hell not?....... and I have been enveloped in one while in my cosy chair for the past few weeks while playing out my version of Camille.......languishing theatrically (but certainly not wasting away.)

Anyway, I have this remarkable caregiver named  Consolee.........a gorgeous young woman from Rwanda, Africa, about whom I will write more later, but she was observing me looping away and said she wished she could do that.  I must confess that one of my worst lacks has always been the art of teaching, but I offered to try to teach her if she wanted to learn and, due to her extreme intelligence and my slightly improved patience she learned instantly and the two of us have been sittting together in the afternoons crocheting away looking like a tintype photograph of some ladies of 100 years ago....what a hoot......in less than a week she has produced a gorgeous scarf ,   off white with some stripes of olive green and turquoise, festooned here and there with a row of popcorn ball stitches and finishing in a fetching fringe.  She is crazy with joy over her scarf and her new skill.....claims it is great fun......and I am tickled to have been able to pass this pleasure on to her.  Who would have dreamed???  Perhaps she can keep the art from dying out or at least have a great time trying.  Anyway, it has  been a wonderful fringe  benefit of this odd adventure I am experiencing.  And, in the process I have made great progress on the afghan I am working on so it is a win-win situation.

Yesterday was not a great day for either of us.....dunno why we behaved like escapees from shock therapy or something, but today is better and if I survive the physical terrorist we plan to roast some barbequed pork chops for dinner along with a side dish of apple, cinnamon and brown sugar compote.  If you would  like to drop in, we have enough to share.

wednesday apr 21

Apologies to all..........I have turned into a poor excuse for a blogger.........todayI found more important things to do,,,,,,(if you can believe that)

Took my first shower in my newly equipped invalid shower stall festooned with metal grab bars at every possible spot....sheer heaven.  Then, to celebrate that mountain of clean hair which I have  been hiding under I went to the barber and got a haircut.........finally I can almost recognize that wizened old lady I have been seeing in the mirror.  Also entertained a guilt ridden friend who has been trying to come visit since I first fell down, so it was a pretty full day.

Do stick with me, folks........I still hope to get my momentum back one of these days.

Luv 'ya.

The Wandering MInd Beneath the Fevered Brow

 This may be a sort of stream of consciousness blog.........please forgive if it is a bit disorganized........after all, it is only 6 am and totally new territory for this Nite Person......sense of humor not awake yet.....only my center of gratitude is stirring.
 

* the lovelieness of just breathing, perhaps not without pain, but without effort.

* the deliciousness of sinking into your favorite recliner. ........leaning back full tilt and feeling cradled in a wonderful tender chair embrace...........practically orgasmic delight.

* Savoring a taste of the most incredible food on the planet........Great Greek Honey Flavored Yogurt.......my Sainted cuz, Jen, brought it into my life at a point when I doubted that anything could make me want to live..
One incredible spoonful and I was convinced that I had already died and gone to heaven and that God was personally spooning ambrosia into my mouth.  Talk about taste thrills..........I decided then and there that I had to live long enough to devour every blessed drop that came my way.  Oy, words fail me.........can you imagine that?

*  I will have to do an entire blog on this subject, maybe two or three, but for the moment I will simply mention, with wonder, the absolutely incredible joy an erstwhile hermit experiences upon being waited on hand and foot..........sigh.   Pollyanna is seizing control again, but the truth is that, without the disaster of the broken hip, I might never have had this most delicious experience.......go figure.

Sorry folks.......time to munch my bran flakes and strawberry yogurt...........more later.

The erstwhile corpse seems to be twitching..........cancel the funeral and the wake

I am very ashamed at what I am about to do here.........I am about to commit plagary against myself..........

When I gallumphed into the dining room this morning on my walker and beat some life into the laptop I was inspired to write a few email lines to some of my dearest friends to reassure them that they had a chance of getting me back.  Having done that I decided that I owed my dear blog followers at least as much consideration......only trouble is that the rest of the morning will be taken up with PT exercises, correcting the seasoning in a batch of hummous I made yesterday ( I only forgot  the most important thing.....the dash of cumin that makes it all magical) and the downing of another dozen or so of the endless meds which are marked "am", so I decided to really cheat and simply post a copy of the reassuring letter I sent off.

Since all of you are filled with loving kindness I am hoping you will forgive my laziness.........don't forget....I HAVE been sick.............also there is that other old chestnut I can pull out here........you know that I mean well.......(ugh, I am really scraping the bottom of the barrel here, ain't I?)

Luv ya' all.......and thank you all again for your good thoughts.

Here goes....plagarizing myself.
                                                       ****************************

I just got up and am in the dining room wrapped in my Snuggie (which is the perfect garment for invalids in wheelchairs I have discovered.....waiting the required hour after my first pill of the day.   I am sore from my physical therapy session yesterday but it is helping a lot and I am hopeful that I will be walking someday without walker or cane even.  Wasn't sure I ever would for a while there.

By the way....if you can tell me where the italics cme from I will give you a medal.......there must be some key I hit by accident which  brings them out.........no biggie....I can live with italics............nothing compared to  being unable to breathe.

My hearing and vision have both suffered from this trauma abut I am grateful that my eye seems to be seeing  better now that my fever is gone.   I was really frightened when I tried to read a book the other day and failed miserably.......seems to be getting better now though I am still cupping my ear and saying "Ey?????  What did you say?"  I will probably have to try hearing aids again when this is over but right now I can simply demand that people speak up and stop mumbling.....the power of  being an invalid.  I may look on ebay for an ear trumpet.........I think that would fit my image perfectly.

Okay........it is an hour since I took the pill.......(one of about 20, incidentally.......no wonder I am not sure who the hell I am)......so I am going to have my bran flakes and yogurt.  Will write more later.

This is my first attempt at a real letter ....not the greatest but better than moans and whines, I guess.
More later.



 

saturday april 24

Oh, my.....holy moly.............it feels so good to be feeling better!  I want everyone to know that Lo or her reasonable facsimile just left he kitchen where she and her handmaiden, Consolee, just mixed up and baked a batch of lemon cookies and a pint or two of Hummous.........from my wheelchair, but all my own work nevertheless.    I am totally unable to verbalize the joy of getting back into my kitchen and stirring up a mess of pottage or whatever.  (does anyone know what the hell pottage is?)

It looks like I am really going to make it, folks...........a real blog may not be far away.

Thanks all for your good thoughts and good wishes and for the love.!!!!

friday april23

just a quickie.   Today the specialist pronounced me in good condition.........huzzah.  I am feeling quite a lot better and am now exhausted from the rounds with the physical therapist.....they are all merciless.

I am still unfit for  blogging but hopefully soon..........

Thanks to all you dear souls for your support.

wednesday apr 22

just a line to report that I am winning the war against pneumonia, I think.....fever down today........breathing easily.   will begin blogging again as soon as I have something to say of interest and as soon as my sense of humor revives...........hmmmmmm......where the hell do those italics keep popping up from?

Tuesday april 21

please refer to previous blog for my comment on the wondrous Hoveround.
Today is shaping up well.....am feeling better....fever is gone.......am even considering letting the cats attack me for a while.

more later.    one of these days I will keep that promise.

monday, april 22

Well, it seems to be just a month ago that I fell on my fanny and broke the hip.........glad that month is over.
I am finally begining to feel better....think I have the pneumonia licked and as long as I can breathe, anything seems possible.

Took my electric chair for a test run around the living room.....I give it it's maiden voyage down the ramp in about an hour on my way to the doctor..........I have visions of being catapulted into the magnolia bushes when I hit the bottom, but I am hoping for the best.

Have no doubt I will be a   menace to the neighborhood in no time.

More later.

sunday april 18

Hi, all

just a quick line to let you know that I am doing better and have hope for the future once again.

Urk, aaaarrrrgggghhh,  ugh and Oy vey.............this invalid scene is not my forte but I have had marvelous help from many sources and am sooooo grateful I will surely disgust you with my treacly utterances.

Sorry if I have caused you worry.....hope the worst is over now.

more later.

love, herself

monday april 12

hello all........still here and making a bit of progress...........feel like I have just returned from the moon....very strange indeed.........could it be the drugs??????   or was I really on the moon?

anyway, am home and doing a bit better each day.    will keep you posted.

Luv you all.

sunday

finally got home and doing OK mostly..My angel cousin, Jen  yes, granddaughter of the famous Aunt Jennie
is with me and caring for me..she came down from Portland to be my salvation.  The cats finally decided to allow me to stay...........

I only know one thing....hospitals are no place for sick people.

more later.

friday 4/9

damn, damn, damn.........or should I just go for it and say, "shit, piss, fuck.

Hit a glitch and it looks like I will be incarcerated for another day.  A spot of atrial fibrulation.......(sp>)
Still hoping to go home tomorrow.  (don't care much if I live or die but I want to do it at home !)

my hip is doing OK.......as soon as they fix the cardiac tango I will be better.

Don't give up on me.    More later.

Tuesday 2 am

Just woke up after a decent 4 hour snooze and am too awake to fall back to sleep without greeting all you remarkable folks..,......wit and brilliance did not waken with me......sorry about that.......but if you can tolerate a few lines from Dullsville this will at least reassure you that the spark of life still flickers fitfully.

I am in that childish pastime of counting the  days,,,,,,just a few more till Friday and the prospect of  getting home to my kitties and hummers.........oh, joy!   Meanwhile I patiently await the harbinger of the new day here.......the cheerful lady who arrives around 6 am with the off-putting pronouncement, "I am here to take your blood.".........of course they already have most of it.......I can only hope they will leave a few drops in case I should meet some needy Vampire on the way back to North Hollywood.

This is all you get for now........I will check back in later........just want to thank all you dear souls for hanging in with me through it all.   Love you madly.

She Is Not Dead..........She Is Just Away.........

I have always hated that euphemism or whatever the hell they call that..........of course she  is dead........when she begged them to shoot her last Tuesday they took her at her word.........consequently this blog will be continued by some imposter or other and hopefully you will not even notice the difference.....they do amazing things with these androids.,,.,.,.

This body is now inhabited by said imposter, a bunch of titanium hardware or spare computer parts and a monumental case of the dreaded malady, The Enormous Hospital Bloat.   Just managed to get my laptop working again and have regained sufficient spirit to give a good goddam........and  I ........WTF where did the italics come from//???........never mind.....small details are insignificant.........just want to thank all you dear souls for your good wishes and kind thoughts.

I, or a reasonable facsimile, will be going home to my beloved house and kitties next Friday......God willing having survived not only my self destruction but the best reconstructive efforts of the local ironmongers union.

Meanwhile they continue to torture me unmercifully with this thing called Physical Therapy.........but much more about that later.  

This has been a fascinating interlude.....a strange sort of vacation  at an all-inclusive resort called Camp Hertzalot..............if it is all the same to you, next time I think I will  opt for the cruise and tour of Cannibal Island during which we are given the opportunity to be boiled in oil along with a few tasty Missionaries.

My best love to you all and the kindest thing I can offer is to say," Glad you are NOT here".