Friday, November 19, 2010

In Defense of Cat Ladies, Very Old People, and (particularly) Very Old Cat Ladies

Oh, hell, you all know I have been a sad excuse for a blogger these past weeks (or is it months?) but, as I told my  beloved cousin, Jessica, at lunch today, sometimes the Flame of Life burns  brightly in me but occasionally it flickers a bit and causes me to rest quietly, nurture the spark and send out for more kindling.........which is where I have been lately.

However,  as it happens, I am not the only crazy Cat Lady on Califa Street..........I have a neighbor (let's call her Marge) who is even a bit older than my 83 years and is, if possible, even crazier than me when it comes to trying to save every critter on earth.  As of this writing she is the sole support of Emily (her own kitty), Blackie (her porch resident for nearly 20 years), Whiskas, a gorgeous tuxedo who has been deigning to grace us with his presence twice a day for going on 8 or 10 years, an unnamed new gray arrival, and Pookey whom we share custody of,  sort of, plus many more too numerous to mention over the years.  These so called strays who visit her carpeted garage or sheltered front porch several times daily are treated to fresh water, endless kitty kibble and impeccably fresh canned cat food daily and then there are the days when she rushes to our nearest supermarket to purchase the freshly roasted chickens offered up in their hot food section because, as she firmly believes and as we all know, cats cannot live on cat food alone.

Without digressing too much I must mention that she is also dogsitter for a neighbor whom we shall call J who is owned by a huge brown Lab named Jackson.  Perhaps I had better let Marge tell the rest of this story since I am not sure I can do proper justice to it in my enfeebled condition.

"Well, Lois,  you know I love that Jackson and I am happy to bring him treats and fresh bones from the butcher and take him into my yard and  baby sit him whenever J finds it necessary, but sometimes I wonder about that boy.....I don't know how he manages to get the correct left and right shoes on his feet each morning and I worry about the fact that he is a husband and father as well as a dog and fish owner when he acts sometimes like he needs to be baby sat himself.

Now, I told you that he has given keys to both his Mother (who lives only 2 blocks away) and to me so we can take care of Jackson  (and the fish) when he and the family go on a little vacation and that has worked out just fine mostly, but yesterday was the absolute limit let me tell you.......(sigh).  Well, they went off on  vacation for 3 or 4 days (I do not understand how they can afford to take so much time off especially after the fortune they must have spent redoing the bathroom and painting the whole outside of the house and the new front door and all, but I guess that is none of my business....)  so his Mother called me and asked if I could feed Jackson this morning and she would come by later and give him his dinner and feed the fish, so of course I said yes and then after I hung up I remembered that when they put in the new front door they probably changed the locks and he never gave me a new key and she called me back a minute later about the same problem and we both wondered what we were going to do and I was so mad at J that I could have killed him then and there. (uttered in a smothered shriek)

Anyway, so I went next door into the back yard and gave the dog fresh water sure enough my key did not fit the new lock, but I noticed that they had installed a new doggy door in the back door and it was the super 3 XXX size so I figured maybe it would fit me and I managed to get down on my hands and knees and you know how hard that is for me what with my artheritis and the polymyalgia and all, and by gosh I managed to crawl thru and was able to get the dog food and shove it outside.  And then I realized that I couldn't get out head first  because the back steps were too steep going that way so I had to turn around and crawl out feet first and that darned dog just stood there and watched me the whole time like he thought I was out of my mind....which maybe I was.

Oh, and I forgot to tell you......while I was in there, just to be safe, I fed the fish with a couple of cubes of fish food in case we couldn't get back inside later.

So I filled his bowl and got him all fed and then I called J's mother back and told her what I had done and, can you believe it, when she came over that nite for the evening meal she did the same thing and managed to crawl in thru the doggy door just like I did...of course  she is a lot younger than me, but it is a good thing she has kept her girlish figure  because she was able to fit thru the hole too.  Well, Lois, I'd still like to kill that boy, but I think we did pretty damned well for a couple of old biddies.......what do you think ?" ........(proud as punch of course and rightly so).

Marge.......I think you were fantastic and I have only one other thing to say on the subject.

Dammit, I wish to hell you had called me so I could have watched it all.

Moral:    Don't ever underestimate the power of a determined  crazy old Cat Lady.


  1. The image of what I will be like, years into the future, as a cat foster lady, is starting to take shape. I like what I see, and if I can be half as entertaining as you and Marge, I should have some great times.

  2. Oh my goodness! This made me laugh and laugh! So THIS is what I have to look forward to... :)

  3. This is exactly how I would have behaved!!!
    Smiling at the image...

  4. This is so great. You have absolutely confirmed my ambitions to become a thoroughly mad old cat lady when I (finally) grow up.

    You might like to drop by an old blog post of mine from last year, in which I salute "LOL Power" (LOL meaning Little Old Lady in this case), particuarly as personified in my own dear Nana, who sadly died just a couple of weeks short of her 100th birthday this year.
    If you're interested, the linnk is

    Looking forward to your next blog post - they're always so refreshing.


  5. I would still be jammed in the doggy door.

  6. Oh, that made me laugh so much...but what kind, lovely ladies.

  7. Hi Lo, I wish you ladies lived next door to me! I enjoyed Marge and her tale..perhaps she should write more often since the cat has your tongue lately:)

  8. Why didn't she open the door from the inside to let herself out?!

    Great immage.

  9. Thanks all for your lovely comments.

    Maybelline.....I asked her the same thing and apparently the lock is the kind that you need the key in order to unlock from either inside or out. Why the need for such security when the doggie door simply invites skinny burglars in I don't quite know.......sigh.

  10. Loved the story. Especially as you told it through Marge's words!!! :)

  11. Genius! I can just picture the scene and it is making me smile I can tell you. Aren't they worried a burglar could get in though? Oh well!

  12. Yup For sure. I know it happened just like that. As I often say about some of my experiences..."you just can't make this kind of stuff up!" :)

  13. Well, the story is hilarious. And then there's that little point you tucked into your response to a comment, a point that hadn't occurred to me. Why even lock your door when you have that big a doggy door? Maybe the idea is that no real burglar is crazy enough to crawl through? Ha!

  14. My first thought was about burglars who are VERY MUCH aware of the larger doggy doors! They even did a special on the Gene Simmons Show about all the security they were paying for and, when they were locked up, just went through the doggie door... But, this was one funny post and I'm glad I've found you... Come visit when you can and see how my next twenty years will be...

  15. Attempt # 459...I love this blog!! I never think of kittens, or their folks, that I don't think of you. It sounds like you and your friend are two peas in a pod...and NOT crazy old cat ladies. I see two loving gals with hearts as big as life that couldn't treat anything or anybody mean...Damn I hope this goes through,,,

  16. Somebody, somewhere, on a different blog perhaps, has a wonderful photograph of the south end of a crazy cat lady framed by a dog door.

  17. Hello Lo
    Thanks for dropping in recently and for your comments. Time gets the better of me so I'm always tardy in replying:(
    Loved this story - please say Hello to Marge for me and ask her to tell you some more like it
    Take care

  18. Marge is my mother-in-law!! Well, she isn't, really, but as I was reading, I was seeing K with her rump up squidging through that doggie door. She'd do it, too. And then she'd probably stay in the house so she could take care of the critters until the owners came back. And she doesn't even have cats!