What's Worse to Be Cut Off From Than Sex, Booze and Cigarettes?

Damn, damn, damn!  I have found myself in the clutches of yet another addiction.  The sneakiest, most insidious one yet.  Sob.

Yesterday was a bloody nightmare from about 11 am right through to 11 am this morning.  There I was placidly munching my morning bran flakes like one of Carnation's contented cows  and clicking on the Blogger Dashboard icon when, suddenly appears the ominous message....."Blogger is not Available".  Gasp.  Surely this cannot be. What can this mean?   Seventy or eighty hysterical clicks later all achieving the same result and I had to face the fact that Blogger was not Available.

I refuse to confess all the things that went through my mind at that final moment of truth.  Furthermore, I refuse to admit the things that went through my mind all day and evening and night as I futilely kept attempting to make the connection.   By bedtime I had to accept the fact that my Bloggy addiction is nearly life- threatening.

With shaking fingers I tapped gingerly  at the keyboard this morning with fear and apprehension clutching at my heart...........tenks gott it didn't tell me that Blogger Was Unavailable............24 hours of deprivation  is over my limit I have found.........sigh.  Now I must go lie down and put cold cloths on my forehead.  I cannot blog today.

More later.

Love,
Herself

Why DoWe Blog For Free.... What Kind of Cockamamie Question Is That?

 I did not intend to do anything as rash a hit "Publish" today.......this is one of the days when I prefer to use my time to catch up on your blogs and leave comments for as many of you as my gnarled, arthritic  fingers can manage, BUT

 

Today, the Empress at    "gooddayregularpeople.com"  asked:  

                                            Why do we blog  for free?

and I just Had to answer.      Hell, there are a million reasons....

 

Because it is our chance to touch our friends in Blogville, share laughs and tears over our morning coffee, give love and feel love from wonderful people whom we may not have met but whom we know better than some of our friends in the real world. And besides all that, except for the time when I had to get up in front of the class and debate some foolishness about Railroads, it is the only time in my long life when a bunch of folks really listen to what I have to say.

 

No, I mean that.  In normal every day conditions we can have a conversation with a friend or relative or even a stranger, but rarely does one get the chance to utter a thousand words without being interrupted or turned off.  Conversation outside of Blogville consists of little bits of give and take which can be wonderful  (or not) but you never get a chance in such circumstances to let your brain develop an idea to its fullest.  I love my friends and relatives, but most of the time....or 4 times out of 5, if truth be told, most people cannot help but interrupt and put in their own 2 cents worth.  And that is mostly OK .....because I do it too...I do believe it is not in our nature to listen endlessly before we simply MUST respond.

Of late, I have noticed that the intervals in which I am allowed to speak get shorter and shorter before someone interrupts and I DO get pissed off sometimes at not being allowed to finish a sentence.  I had begun to think that it was simply because I was too boring to be tolerated, but you dear people out there have proven to me that it ain't true....Godblessand keepyouall.  So I just accept that short exchanges are all that a body can stand when in normal conversation.    I used to ache for a world where I would be allowed to put 4 sentences together  and, praise be, I have found it in the Blogworld.  

Sigh.  All I can say is, not only will I do it for free....I do believe I would even gladly pay for the privilege.

To Maybelline........just kidding.

I Was Only Kidding

Of course, you MUST know that I didn't really mean it when I said I would sit down and shut up.......if you took me seriously, what a ridiculous assumption.

However, having blogged myself hoarse for the past few days I am going to rest my voice for a bit and do some serious stuff around the house here.  For instance, I just discovered a Baggie in the cupboard of various seeds I have bought, collected  and saved for I don't know how many years........in it were about 30 or 40 Sweet Pea seeds (I adore Sweet Peas.....oh, that scent, that color.....yum)  and also 3 zucchini seeds.  ( I love zucchini...I got put off planting them a few years ago when I left a developing plant in the back yard while I went to Italy on vacation and came home to find a monster threatening to eat my house and pussy cats......I mean....how much zucchini bread, zucchini casseroles, zucchini fritters can a person make???...and all out of a single zucchini.)  Anyway, the fright has dissipated somewhat and I decided to try again since I will be here to monitor the size development and pick when judiciously ripe.  So I have these here seeds soaking overnight and I had better go plant 'em....I think I may have missed planting season altogether, but that is one nice thing about California.....you can break a lot of gardening rules.  If my crop exceeds my abilities I may have to secretly ship a few to each of you....you know me....can't stand waste.

I must go now and get dirty, but I promise to return and blog you senseless very soon......a teaser .......I will tell you about the amazing, weird present I have just bought myself and all of the fun I am having with it.  Furthermore, I am willing to bet that at least one of you may not even know of its existence.  You are in for atreat....maybe.

And now.....as I have been know to say........

Love you all.

More Later.

In Which Lo Sits Down and Shuts Up.....After a Few Well Chosen Words

Holy Moly.......I am still ruminating and vibrating over Betsy's comment (and her post yesterday) responding to my scathing rant of May3 about unruly children and  their parents' methodologies, using the religions of the world as part of my argument.

I am trying to decide if I am just irreparably batshit crazy or the bravest damned  idiot on the face of.  After digesting  Betsy's rebuttal to my rant,  I realized that I not only managed to attack Motherhood and God in one swell foop.......but,  had I only thrown in a few comments about what I think of the MFs in Congress, I could have been able to claim an attack on the Flag too.   Thank heaven I didn't mention Apple Pie or Baseball ......(I happen to approve of both of those for the time being.......though sometimes I do wish that Baseball would move along a bit faster.)

First, let me say that I have no intention of trying to rebut Betsy's rebuttal.  I think she and I should just agree to disagree slightly   I am glad  the world can relax in the fact that at least several children are being raised in a calm, logical, respectful home and will obviously escape growing up with warped psyches because of punishments or the fear thereof.

Next, it has become obvious to me that I had better try to clarify my position on the subject of God.  I do not embrace any of the Gods of the major religions.  I am not an Atheist.  I have a huge reverence for everything that exists.  I have a "God" of my own invention.......a force of sublime intelligence which keeps the universe from flying to pieces (even faster than it is ) and I believe that each of us and all things in the universe have a spark of that force within us.  But when living in a world that is God oriented, what are we, the Godless, to do when we have to talk about that inexplicable force or about other people's Gods?  It is for this reason that you will often find the word "god" in my writings.  So sue me. Take the word at it's meaning for you or, better yet, at what you presume is its meaning to me.   Without occasionally using that word to express that concept I cannot write sensibly (or frugally......can you imagine what my blog would be like if I had to say "that-sublime-force-which-dwells-in-all-of-us and keeps-the-universe-from-flying-apart" instead of  just saying  "God") ? Yuk.  It's enough to make a person give up blogging altogether.


Also, please try to recognize in my ramblings and rantings that I am a great believer in Irony and Sarcasm to create a bit of humor.  I am very guilty, I fear, of doing this badly and  blurring the line between those and just plain straight, serious babbling.  I will try to get better at this.....meanwhile, you must occasionally stop and ask yourself, "Does she really mean THAT? or is she just fuckin' with me?".

Now....Fear.   I firmly believe that rampant fear is the basis for everything bad in the world.   I will defend that position to my death.  But, I feel that a little bit of fear is a necessary and good thing.  It keeps us from stepping out into traffic and dancing on the Freeway, from jumping off buildings and trying to fly and from lots of things that would be very deleterious to our well being.  As long as it doesn't reach paranoia proportions, a little bit of fear saves out lives a gazillion times a day.  (you may choose to call it "wisdom".......that's OK......however, I see fear as more powerful than wisdom.......sadly.

Finally, in order to explain  some of the thoughts I expressed in my rant ...... I was really just trying too express my bafflement at children's lack of respect and .....well......of love of their parents when they misbehave remorselessly and inflict pain and torture on those who love them.  I was blessed with a near Saint for a Mother.  As far back as the age of 2,  I remember vividly being upset when something I did caused her pain.  (and it was obvious to me when this happened..........I did not need the threat of any punishment nor did I  fear that she would no longer love me.......I knew her love was unconditional.  As was mine for her.  I loved her hugely and did not want to be the cause of any unhappiness to her so I tried very hard to behave as she wanted me to.  This did not, I believe, scar me for life.  That habit has expanded a bit over the years to include tempering my behavior with everyone I love and even with some that I don't.   Call me crazy.....I can't help it.  Since I personally have felt that way for at least 82 or 83 years it puzzles me mightily why  the current crop of children seem to have or show so little love or respect for their parents.


Because that is how I interpret the behavior of the current generation.  And don't tell me that the idea is too sophisticated or difficult for children to understand because I don't buy that.  Why is it OK to "Always Hurt the One You Love??"

Oh,hell.....what do I know?  I hardly know anything.

Skinny Dipping - Yum Yum and Ho Boy!

5Ahhhhhhhhhmmmmmmmmmmmmmm!

I just had my first absolutely delicious swim of the 2011 season.   Laughingly, I used to call this my $500 swim explaining that I applied all of the costs of having and maintaining a pool to the first swim and then all the rest were FREE.   Uhhuh.  That was back when pool service was $25 per month and water and power was much cheaper and all the equipment lasted for a few years at least..

Considering that I have recently spent thousands to replace my filter and pool motor, more hundreds in expanding my Electrical system  to better power the pool motor, more thousands  installing a salt to chlorine system to replace plain old chlorine (system broke down this year and needs replacing again),   and I don't know how many thousands installing solar heating to warm the pool  water, God only knows how many bucks  to apply to this swim....it ain't cheap I'll tell you........I could probably buy a small Third World Country for less...... but it is still worth it.  (what would I do with a small Third World Country anyway?)

The fact is that exactly 39 years ago I was looking for a house to buy and there was this one on Califa St..  I really remember very little about the house itself as I walked through except that it had some rooms  and did have indoor plumbing.   Then I stepped out the back door and saw this huge, gorgeous aquamarine pool gleaming and rippling in the sunshine and without further ado, I bought a swimming pool which happened to have a house along with it.  And I have never for a minute regretted it.  (well, maybe for a minute or two when  the filter and the motor and the salt-chlorine system all went out this year).

Fortunately, although I have neighbors on each side and aft, I have cleverly managed to plant shrubs and trees and vines, and allow them to become so overgrown and rampant that I have a private little enclosed park/forest of my own which provides 99% privacy so I can skinny dip at will ........which is the only way I like to swim any more.   Oh my.....the feel of the water on totally bare skin is indescribably wondrous and can cure a basketful of ailments, I'll tell you. (If you are wondering about that wayward 1% of non-privacy, I say fuck 'em.....anyone who wants to climb up and peer through a tree to see a zoftig old lady potching around in the pool is welcome to do so).  Right now my solar heating system has the water up to about 85 the dial says...I think it is closer to 80) and when you stand in the shallows where one input vent is located  and let that warm water jet  massage your back, it can't get much better than that, except maybe when you grab the foam kick board, do a few lengths and then just float around as the current takes you in lazy circles with your head resting on your arms on the board and the warm water gently lapping at your dimpled, cellulite thighs.

Before you all end up hating me  I will rush to explain and that, prior to this indulgence today, I did a bunch of potting up, weeding and pruning and clearing of dead stuff in the flower beds, repaired parts of the drip system which I put in a few years ago to water the pots of flowers around the pool,  and hand watered all of the pots just for good measure because it has  been mighty hot here this week and I will have to reprogram the drip system to run for a longer amount of time as summer approaches.  I  was a hot, sweaty, sticky  mess when I realized that I could, after all, take a swim today.......It used to be that I would start in April by poking one foot into the water to test it and if I managed to get away with only one scream I pronounced it fit for swimming.    That meant the temp was about 72.  No, no, no....now it has to be around 80 and no screams if possible.

And so,  in California at least, it has morphed into swimming season and I feel so damned lucky not only to have  a pool, but to still be physically  able to get into it and swim a bit, and, even more important, to still be able to climb up out of it when the dip is over  (getting in is relatively easy because the water supports your weight.....getting out is something else entirely )    ........funny.......39 years ago I would never have even  been able to imagine that being a problem.......next year I will probably have to invent a pulley and hoist system, but this year I will make hay, as they say, while the sun shines.

Oy, Am I Sticking My Neck Out Here......

Lately I have been inspired to go off into wild rants just from reading certain confounding and amazing (?) things in other people's blogs.  Not incendiary, inflammatory  kinds of things....just innocuous, ordinary every day matter-of-fact statements about their lives.

It is a given that my life has been very different from many of the bloggers who live in this wonderful cyberworld and that other so-called "real" world,  but still, so many things that others seem to take for granted as incontrovertible truths are .....well.....baffling and unacceptable to me as such. 

Granted, one reason for this is undoubtedly the fact that I chose not to have children....not the two legged kind anyway.  I can not contradict anyone who says, "Easy for you to say such and such....you have no kids so you don;t know".  I agree completely and in one way I am almost ashamed to be expressing publicly some of the thoughts which will slop over onto you if you choose to continue messing up your minds and your nice clean clothes with my wild ramblings.

I quote below an excerpt from a blog whose writer I admire and adore.  Singling this phrase out in this way is not meant to be nasty or any kind of punishment and I will not identify my source because the idea expressed is universal....it could be from any one of you out there.  I chose it because it represents perfectly one of the gazillion things I don't understand in this world.


"I cooked a delicious ........for dinner tonight. Well... when I say delicious I mean delicious to me. My boys picked their way through it in the way only children can. I had chopped squeezed and blended herbs, lemon zest and juice to within an inch of oblivion. The chicken was covered in a zingy marinade and still they pondered it in the same way you and I might ponder road kill."

When and under what strange circumstance did children from the ages of 1 to about 16 (or 28)  receive the right to start making the rules about everything?  I find it intolerable enough that my television fare is created to suit the taste and whims of that  underdeveloped sub- adult group and foisted upon me to eat whether I like it or not.........(and sadly, eat it I often do if I cannot find anything better on the tube to distract me.)  I will not expand this theme to include all the other areas of life in which these children are dictating the form, the taste and the sound of everything.  If I got started I would probably still be here feebly tapping or with gnarled fingers poised on the keys at the moment they come to take me off to the boneyard.

What I need to know and beg all of you out there who have the answers to tell me.......do parents and adults have no power whatsoever anymore?    Are parents nothing more than willing and eager providers and subservient slaves to their offspring from birth until the little darlings move out, start their own lives and dump the grandchildren on the old folks to be babysat?  Is there no weapon in a parent's arsenal that will cause even a modicum of the fear of retribution in a child these days?   That is the word I wish to blog about....FEAR.

I ask in all seriousness and humility, ......What the fuck is going on?  What in the hell is wrong with raising a child to fear a certain punishment under certain circumstances and thereby to avoid bad behavior and aggravating their parents beyond the bounds of sanity?   It is not as if fear is an unknown quantity to the young....they fear all sorts of rational and irrational things like not having the newest $120 jogging shoes or  not having the latest iphone gadget or, worse yet,  not getting invited to the prom.  But fear of punishment for misbehaving seems to be an absolute No-No.

I know that 99% of you out there are either laughing your asses off at me or girding your loins and donning your armor and weapons for attack, but I think I can safely say without fear that, at no time before in recorded history did the children run things like they do today.  I know that within my blessedly long lifetime there has never been a time before where parents apparently had no means of exerting parental control over something as simple as what food their children would or would not eat.  (Oh, I am not talking about a single phobic resistance to brussels sprouts here.....everyone should  be allowed some food fetishes....I, for instance, have about 4 foods on a list that I will not willingly eat.....brains, tripe, cooked or chocolate covered insects and slimy okra........oh yes, and I think I would not want to eat haggis which I understand is a stuffed sheep's belly,  but it is years since I have been offered or have had to hurt anyone's feelings by  refusing any of the above.)

When I was a child back in the dark ages I (and all of the children I knew, encountered briefly or read about in  books)  were always in fear of certain dire punishment, rarely imposed, but always hovering there behind the drapes, keeping me from pushing my plate of lovely meat and vegetables rudely away and demanding pizza.  By enduring this cruel and dreadful inhuman and inhumane treatment I managed to grow up adoring food in all its myriad forms and literally never fearing to try something new or even outlandish.   Without that fear I acquired a WorldBook Encyclopedia of possible dishes to delight my palate....so tell me, .is that so terrible?

We seem to be a people who fear to instill any respectful,sensible fear of any kind into our children, not even for their own good. (Thank heaven we are still allowed to teach them to fear the hot stove and running with scissors.)   And yet as adults we are riddled with a million identifiable and nameless fears.  Let us look at only one example...........the fears generated by most of the established Religions.  The fear of punishment by God (our Father, by the way) permeates every morsel of all the Religions (except, perhaps, Zen Buddhism)   Most of us live in fear of some kind of hell and its endless horrible torments.  We behave in a more or less civilized way because our Religions have strict rules and  punishments for disobeying which are frightening enough to keep us somewhat in line.  And, when we stray, the pain and torture of guilt self-punishes us far beyond the extent of the crime or the sin.  And still we worship the Father (and the Mother) who impose these rules and this pain and fear upon us.  Go figure.

By living within  these constraints of our fears, most of humanity behaves fairly decently at least part of the time, has managed to accomplish some great and good deeds and has not yet succeeded in destroying everything God has created.   So if it is good enough for us as adults, please tell me why isn't it good enough for our children?

Very Strange Musings

 I don't know if it is a sin ( or a Blogging Crime) to use someone else's blog as a basis for a blog of one's own, but if so, I guess I am just risking falling deeper into the humungous, plentitudinous  Pit of Sin which I have created for myself during my long and somewhat.... ummmmmm...... adventurous life.



On April 19, 2011,  Mike, of "Too many Mornings" posted a fantastic piece in which he plays around brilliantly with the word "time" and all different uses and concepts thereof.  
Nearly every other sentence pleads to be quote of the day, but for some reason, it was one of the Comments and Mike's reply that stuck in my mind long after I had wiped my nose on my sleeve  and blotted away the tears of laughter from reading and rereading.  Here, discussing the time anomalies of "mindblowing sex is  what really did me in:

Comments:

Sue:

April 19, 2011 at 10:15 am

Wait a minute, wait. How long is mind blowing sex suppose to last? 20 minutes or 20 seconds, I don’t understand?

Michael:

April 19, 2011 at 10:43 am

It’s supposed to last several hours. It usually lasts about 20 minutes. It feels like 20 seconds.
When you think about it, it’s a lot of effort for a very small payoff.

                                                          
Having briefly  dabbled on the fringes and edges of what might be called borderline nymphomania in my much younger life, I have often thought the same thing and wondered if anyone else ever had that same thought.

Don't misunderstand me, please........this is not a rant against sex.   (Do you think I am totally and hopelessly batshit crazy????  If I ever decide to commit suicide by bringing the entire blogging and cyberworld down on me swinging hatchets, maces,chains, swords, rolling pins, tire irons, cleavers, chain saws, Wagner cast iron skillets,  daggers, hat pins and canisters of pepper spray I might publish THAT rant, but that is definitely not my intention right now.)

But when you think about it, notice how many things that we do have payoffs that are so fleeting, ephemeral  and last so briefly one cannot help but wonder if they are worth the bother and the risk of the often damaging results.........as a wretched but honest example of the addictive personality, I point out that Smoking was often a bore and a pain after the first puff or two......... Eating chocolate mousse is ecstasy at first nibble, but somewhere, before the last morsel is devoured, nausea and deep regret are already emerging from the wings to take center stage..........Booze is a magical potion as the first sip zips through your veins, relaxes every tense muscle, dispatches every gnawing pain and turns you into the incredibly gorgeous, witty, scintillating creature you always dreamed  was inside you.  The last sip often will not even stay all the way down and turns you into the horrible, disheveled, pungent  mess you always feared might be the real you.  We will not even pursue this scenario to the next morning.....all of my followers are way ahead of me here, I  am sure.  Etcetera, etcetera, etcetera. 

So, the obvious question here is, "Why do we do it?".   If you have been hanging on my every damned word thinking that I was going to present you with  The Answer, you are pathetically deceived.  I only know that, in each and every one of my addictions, that blessed indescribable moment was enough to keep me hooked and coming back for longer than I like to admit, but was not enough, ultimately, to keep me from sadly rejecting  the whole vicious circle before it did me in for good.  

I did have one strange thought recently which I will toss into this odd dish of sweet and sour musings.........I wondered if it is possible, at the moment of our death even as we are still moving toward the light, if that wonderful ecstasy may be experienced again as we drop all of the anxieties, fears, worries, guilts, shames and burdens at the exit door......the idea strikes me as possible, plausible, logical and......my idea of heaven.
I think I will keep that one on file.