Some Cockamamie Thoughts from Southwest Limbo

 I have, for the moment, ceased to worry about being addicted to Blogsville.  It appears to be a relatively harmless addiction and, it IS free so I am just going to accept it's presence in my life with gratitude and let it be.  Then again, I have been eavesdropping on some of my private thoughts lately and perhaps I really should be worried.  Like, for instance...........


Sometimes it seems to me that relating to people in the real world is sort of like Facebook or maybe Twitter or a cocktail party.........lots of people...you brush against them and talk briefly to a few or to many.....you mouth meaningless trivia....usually 50 words or less.......you keep moving and circulating....... if it is a cocktail party,  you keep drinking till you are so blotto that nothing matters or hurts any more and you "friend" everyone (even people you normally loathe and wouldn't be caught dead with) and, worst of all,  you think you are having a good time.

Though you are dealing with real people you are really not plugged into anyone unless you happen to make a soused connection with someone of the opposite sex that you are inspired to take home with you for the night.....otherwise your connections mostly feel superficial,  feel like dust and taste like cardboard.


On the other hand, sharing thoughts in the blog world can be more like sharing a fabulous cup of home brewed French Roast coffee and an apple streudel (sp?)   with a dear friend while you both lean toward each other giggling, nodding and lounging at your kitchen table. You  listen to what the other person has to say and they listen to you, and you  make real contact and feel that your inner self has been touched.   You are warmed and nourished...... and....satisfied.......and amazingly, 10,000 people (or in my case 141) can all be having the same or a similar experience at the same moment.  Awesome.

I am not saying that you don't or can't have pleasurable experiences with real people in the real world.....just that they are very different experiences and the more I think about it the more I feel that I, for one, really need both kinds in my life. 


I wonder, is it only misogynous old hermits like me who feel this way, or do you more normal (?) social, gregarious types ever feel this way too? 

I would really love to hear your thoughts on this........I think. 




                                                                    

A Few Questions and Some Answers or Does Lois Live Her Life Nekkid

One of my main problems and shortcomings since I started this blog has  been responding to my precious readers comments.  I tried at first to toss an acknowledgement back at each commenter, but I found that didn't work for me.  In my feebleness, it took a huge amount of time and strength and did not feel satisfying to me so I took the easy, selfish way out and decided I would better use the time to comment on YOUR blogs and thus it has continued.

Every now and then I think I have issued a blog with a mass "Thank You" to all you dear souls who check in here to see if I have perchance had a new thought during the week and I hoped that it would be enough.  Of course an occasional  random thanks for all the joy you bring me and the love I feel from you is really an puny and paltry abomination......but I can only hope that you know how much I love all of you without my nattering on about it constantly.  There is no way to tell you in words what your wonderfulnesses mean to me or how you have enhanced and brightened my life.....I feel like you are all Family and I am no longer an Orphan/Widow Lady plodding along alone.  What a gift!  And after this weekend when you deluged me with wonderful birthday wishes I want so much to let you know what it meant to me.   One more time I must simply say a huge "Thanks" and hope it conveys something of my feelings for you all.

But......(knowing me, you know there's always a "but" )  today I realized that you sometimes ask me questions in your comments and the only way I have found to answer them has been to try to email you an answer, and that seems OK, except that it doesn't serve those of you who might also have wondered about the same thing and waited for me to respond in a comment........so convoluted.......Anyway, since I can't do the tit- for- tat, comment- for- comment thing, I just figured out that at least I could blog it and answer a bunch of queries at one time.  I have only had the energy to go back a few blogs and pick out some questions but perhaps this will sate your collective curiosities a bit.

First, I think it was Cathy of "Still Waters" who was puzzled by my loud and constant resistance to putting on clothing and wondered exactly how I am garbed or un-garbed normally when I am at home rather than out in public. Well, I'll tell you.....it ain't necessarily a purty sight.

You already know that I skinny-dip when I go in the pool, but that does not necessarily mean I like to run around the house and gardens bare-ass nekkid.  I find that quite fun sometimes  for brief periods, but it is NOT the best solution all told.  For one thing.....it is dangerous to one's overall well being to cook naked.    Especially when one is sauteing something in olive oil, for instance.   And even though my blessed house is very private because of the front walled little courtyard garden and the excess of foliage around the property, people do occasionally open the gate to the courtyard and come to my front door.  On those occasions I am in deep doo-doo if I happen to be sitting at the dining table blogging away in my altogether since the front wall of my living/dining area is mostly glass.  I am NOT an exhibitionist and do not want to frighten or scandalize any Jehovah's Witnesses so I decided early on that some body covering was necessary.

I know most of my female followers will understand when I say I have always hated wearing a bra......they are uncomfortable at best, always gouging us in some tender spot or other,  especially for the poor souls who carry permanent dents in our shoulders from toting those boobs around for a gazllion years......so, any time I can go without is sheer delight.  First order of the non-clothing thing is No Bra. !

The fashionable among you will probably gasp in horror when I reveal that I no longer see the need to make any effort to be fashionable much less seductive in what I wear to bed......the cats don't give a damn what I am wearing when I offer them their goodies thank heaven and they are the only ones around so I have given all my sexy lingerie to the GoodWill and sleep and  live mostly in very long, XXlarge, soft tee shirts....some with questionable comments across the front.  That is my favorite garment of all time and, if I were going to be buried in a coffin, I would demand that it be in my favorite with the huge bull dog and the iteration "Bad Dog"across the front.

Next, I do not want to offend anyone's delicate sensibilities but I am obsessed with the truth so please do not flinch or faint or desert.   To continue, (I think I have already confessed this in earlier blogs)  I  belong to that huge contingent of old folks who sometimes.......well..... leak, so I am rarely without my second favorite garment called "Depends". Sigh and sob.....a simple fact of extended life.


During the cold months I also don a garment I invented years ago made of sweat shirt fabric fleecy inside , with a warm cowl neck and pockets, which keeps me warm from head to toe.  In the warm months I have a few of these I made of light airy fabrics for at-home Dress-Up, but usually, the long Tee suffices for all my needs and it is less to rip off when I am seized with the urge to go into the pool.  I used to finish off this fetching costume with flip flops, but they now hurt my ancient toes so I wear mocs or a slipper kind of like a heelless Ugg.........

Holy, unmerciful Heavens, I cannot believe I have filled up this whole effing blog with an interminable answer to just One Question.  Who will ever believe that I once was so shy and so speechless that I could barely meet anyone's gaze and could only mutter a whispered  "yes" or a "no"occasionally........do you think it is possible that I have been invaded by Aliens???

I am almost too ashamed to say it, but......"More later".

I MUST Have a Guardian Angel......

Gotta continue reciting the high points of my 84th BD not out of arrogance, but out of awe, wonder and great humility.

But first, a few words.....(you know how dangerous that can be....)

For many years I have honestly felt like I have a Guardian Angel......I have had so many little "miracles" and some not so small.  When I look back at how my life has evolved and developed (sometimes actually in spite of me) I cannot help but think that I have had some mysterious help along the way.  And, what the hell.....it does no harm for me to think that (unless I take to stepping off cliffs and expecting my GA to catch me before I hit the ground) and so I go blissfully on my lonely way feeling that I am not quite alone.

I also must go on record  saying that I do not really believe in coincidences....I do, however,  believe in serendipity.......sometimes amazing and wonderful things just happen and you can't figure out how or why....you must just accept, enjoy and be grateful.......

So, there I was yesterday, waiting for my old friend, Nina, to arrive and take me out for yet another Birthday Lunch.   I was dressed (bra, jeans, shirt and even shoes.......teeth brushed, hair combed, perfume (Bellodgia, one of my favorites) dabbed here and there.....and as I sat at the computer reading a last blog or two I had a sudden thought.  Why not take my camera....for what reason I do not know.....( I rarely take my camera with me unless I have a real reason)..........but the voice in my head was so strong and insistent that I dug it out of the pile of stuff next to me on the dining room table and shoved it in my purse.

Nina arrived and off we went to one of my favorite restaurants in Studio City and, since it was a holiday (No, no....not my birthday....Memorial Day) the dining room was nearly empty and we felt like we owned the place.  As we nibbled and gabbled away Nina suddenly said, " Who is that huge, black man standing out there on the terrace?".  Of course, my vision leaves a lot to be desired anymore so I peered out and all I could see was a large dark shape so I told her I did not know and we went back to our chatting and chomfing.

When we were finished I looked wistfully at the several pieces of wonderful garlic herb bread that we had been unable to consume and thought how grand they would be as a mid evening snack and, before I knew what I was doing, I wrapped them in the napkin they were nestling in and shoved them in my purse while explaining to Nina how very much I hated waste.  (Having known me for at least 50 years and never seen me able to leave a morsel behind on a restaurant table, she already knew how much I hated waste.)   As we shlepped ourselves up to leave, she asked the waiter, "Do you know who that huge black man on the terrace is?" and he replied, "It's Magic Johnson!"   (In my head I heard  !!!**////^##@ !!!)  I do believe I screamed, gabbled incoherently, hugged the waiter and Nina and dragged her to the door with terrible panting noises emerging from my mouth.

As we exited, my feet automatically pointed themselves toward this tall, oh my, very tall dark shape seated at a table nearby and found myself standing next to his table peering avidly into his eyes.  A strange voice choked out, "Excuse me, but are you Magic Johnson?"  The dark face suddenly blazed forth with that incomparable smile that even I could see and said, "Yes, Ma'am, I am."   I lost it totally at this point and remember shrieking something restrained like, "OhmyGod....you are my Idol, you are my Hero, I love you madly....I think I have seen every game you ever played and I worship you not only for your skill on the court but for all you have done for your community and mankind....Holy Moly, this is my 84th birthday and you have just given me the greatest gift.oh, thank you, thank you...blah, blah and blah........"  I think I stopped for breath because he stood  up laughing and managed to thank me, wished me a happy birthday and said, "Do you have a camera with you?.....we can take a picture."  I was just about to wring my hands and say, "No" when I realized that, for some inexplicable reason, I DID have a camera with me, and while I was digging madly in my purse for it, praying all the while that I did not come forth and put a piece of garlic bread into his outstretched hand by mistake, I found it and before you could say "Slam Dunk" we were captured digitally by his sister and could be seen staggering away with me still in a fog still gabbling unintelligibly, but not quite as loudly.

To be honest, I am still not quite recovered from the shock of it all.  Actually every word I uttered was the truth.......I had followed basketball since I worked at UCLA in 1963 -66 and got to see a rising star there named Lou Alcindor who then morphed into a Laker Legend named Kareem Abdul Jabaar.   When Magic joined the Lakers in the 80's  I was a constant fan and I really adored the way Magic moved, played, scored, smiled, enjoyed and Won.  It hasn't been the same for me since those fabulous days of "Showtime" and I could never express how much joy he and the other teammates brought me for so many years.  Well, obviously, I still can't properly express it, but danged if I didn't try my damndest.

And, now, for those of you who may not believe in miracles......you may want to rethink that....

A

And, by the way.....no, I am not sitting down.....I am that short and he is that tall !

Everything But Fingerprints and DNA

Well, my dears, the BD celebration continues.......another old friend took me out today for a birthday lunch and that is another blog altogether.  I am still in a whirl over yesterday's delights.
Meanwhile, here is a bit of frou-frou from yesterday.

Here is yours truly ( the one with the triple double chins) with beloved friends Don and Valerie.  I have known Don for nearly 60 years and Val for quite a many.  Since Val's BD and mine are just a day apart we have taken to celebrating them together for the past few years and it is always a joy.  I don't think Don will mind if I tell you that he is quite a talented and acclaimed actor, wonderful face, gorgeous singing and speaking voice,  (having appeared on Broadway in the original production of  Kurt Weill's "Threepenny Opera", in a number of movies, Tv films and shows and many, many commercials.  He confessed humbly that he had won the equivalent of an Oscar for his starring role in a Texaco commercial years back.  His wife, Val, is also very talented, a wonderful writer, and quite an actress...she informed me she has about a hundred videos on You Tube by now among other appearances.  Anyway, When I bragged about being 84, Don topped me by telling me he was 88, and we all agreed to have some kind of blast on his 90th.

Above, you are looking at three sated souls, having just devoured  platefuls of mussels in garlic, herbs and butter, fresh baked sourdough bread for dunking in broth and split a huge Mediterranean salad, and who were gluttonously preparing to attack the most outrageous dessert...(to be seen on the table in front of me) ...the menu called it profiteroles  (sp?), but all I know is it was a sort of cream puff stuffed with ice cream, bananas, strawberries, doused with caramel and chocolate sauces....I think there were a few nuts tossed in there for good measure.  By the way....we shared it, but as you can see it was quite a generous offering.

One of the highlights of the day aside from the food and the company was the waitress who served us. She bustled up to the table clutching 3 huge bowls containing mussels and broth and gave us each our dish along with a knife and fork.  When I gently summoned her back to the table motioning at the implements she rushed off and returned with 3 mussel forks.  One of us suggested that we really needed spoons, so off she went returning with 3 teaspoons.......!   I think we had to call her supervisor and make it perfectly clear that, dolts that we were, we required soup spoons.  Poor thing....she had probably never realized that the broth from the mussels hidden below all those shells was really the best part.

All in all, a lovely afternoon with updates, giggles, reminiscences and a warm aura of  memories and much love.  Thanks, dear old buddies.

Here I Still Am....And They Say The Good Die Young.........

Today is my 84th Birthday folks.......I can barely imagine it........WTF.....how could this have happened?

To celebrate I just played and watched 2 old Mark Harmon movies (what a beautiful creature) and I have even forced my bod into Jeans and a Turtleneck Tee in order to be able to leave the house with 2 of my oldest (in every way) old friends who are coming by to take me to lunch. 

When I return I will watch 2 more Mark Harmon movies, especially the one which shows him in full rear nakedness......and what an adorable ass he has......and I may pig out on Lindt  Chocolate Truffles.  (On some days I allow myself two of the blessed confections....that is really enough for me).  After that I'll be damned if I know what I will do.....probably watch some old Sid Caesar TV shows which I was wise enough to get a few years ago followed by a season of Monty Python.  I have also been smart enough to have kept 2 dvd and vcr players).

Then, after a bit of petting the cats till they can't stand it anymore and reading a few blogs that I missed earlier, I will probably take my handful of PM medications and go to bed for my usual 9 or 10 hour snooze.

Don't feel sorry for me.....except for the part about donning clothing, that is my idea of a perfect day....

Which Way Is Up ? - or You Can't Fall Off The Floor

Everyone better duck or some flying fragments of some ineffable substance are liable to hit you.  Not that I've sunk to the point of throwing stuff, nor are things exploding all around me.....it's just that I am in a very strange mood and am juggling a multitude of disparate thoughts and feelings.....I keep dropping some of the balls and more than a few end up bonking me on the head..........it's OK.......I'm  entitled, and it's not like I haven't been here before.   It's just that the older you get (and God knows, you can't get a helluva lot older than me) the more complicated some things become.  You think life is complicated when you are 44?.........wait till you hit....gasp.....84.

For instance, for most of you birthdays are a cause for celebration, inebriation and gourmandizing........maybe even an Orgy or two.    For someone who is ancient, decrepit and, more importantly, half blind it is a time of agony known in these parts as the Department of Motor Vehicles Annual Inquisition and Exquisite TortureTests.  At advanced ages they no longer renew your Drivers' License automatically by mail every 4 or 5 years.......you have to start calling for an appointment weeks ahead to be sure you get the process started  before your License actually expires (in Calif. on your birthday, by the way).  Once you have the appointment you must tear the bookshelves apart to find the old copy of the Driving Rules and begin the worrying, fretting and hand-wringing process.

Then at some point you actually must open the book and begin studying and trying to memorize those stupid rules like how many feet from railroad tracks are you allowed to park and when or if  it is ever legitimate to enter the Bike Lane with your car.  And with each pass through the book it becomes more and more likely that you will never remember those idiotic facts and figures and will surely flunk the written test.  Even though you have gotten 100 on the last 5 or 6 times you have taken it, this time you will surely get the one test that has all the impossible to remember facts and you will FAIL.  Oh, shame,  oh ignominy, oh shit.

And even if you pass the written test there is still the eye test which, of course you can only pass with one eye, leading to the need to go home clutching a form for your Opthamologist to fill out, stipulating that even though you have one eye that cannot see anything that is straight in front of you, that eye is able to see the periphery of things giving you just a bit of depth perception, while the other eye, God Bless and Keep It, sees everything like a champ and can also leap tall buildings in a single bound.

Staggering away from this department one  must next go to the Appointment Desk to make an appointment to take the Dreaded Driving Test ASAP (administered by the most disgustingly adept team of sadists and Obsessive Compulsive Picky-Pickies in both the civilized and uncivilized worlds.)

At this point there is very little left of you as you schlepp the remnants of this once able and admirable person to the Last Straw Department where it says "Camera" ......a euphemism for a machine that is programmed to take the worst possible picture of you....one you must live with (averting your eyes whenever possible) for the next year .....of course all depending on whether you pass the  Dreaded Driving test in 10 days.

I'll  tell you it is more than a poor wretch  like me can bear.  And you would think, wouldn't you,  that after having driven all sorts of cars under all sorts of conditions for the past 65 or 70 years, that I would have finally gotten the knack of how to drive?    But noooooooooo.....you still have to prove it to them, dammit.

So now you should understand why I have mixed feelings about my birthday rolling around and why I rarely celebrate till AFTER the Driving Test. 

Now, on the happier side of things, I am tickled pink to report that my Secret Passion, (shared by many of you of the female persuasion) the delectable Mark Harmon, has been voted the most popular person on television, surpassing Oprah Winfrey. believe it or not, and his TV show, "NCIS"  was voted the most popular TV series.   Ain't that grand?  Except that now, the line of besotted fools (like Me)  lined up waiting to wash his feet will be so damned long, heaven knows how many more Drivers'  Inquisitions I will have to go through before I finally get my turn...........I'll  be so old and ugly by then I will have to wear a burka...........sigh.

Promises, Promises

Oh, Shit !  

The Rapture or whatever doesn't seem to have happened.

I guess I'd better go clean the kitty boxes.