The New Yorker covers: October 30, 1943
12 hours ago
Monday, April 8, 2013
Friday, April 5, 2013
Dammit, I Can Hear Them Whispering But I Have No Clue What They Are Saying
Beware all ye who are about to enter here.......Lo is ready to rant.
The world is full of selfish, self-obsessed, self-absorbed, self-indulgent idiots and I am fed up with each and every stinkin' one of them. They desperately need fixing and I have decided there is only one way to fix them. If I were running things I would decree that two surgical procedures be performed on all of them...first a lobotomy and then sterilization. There might be 5 people whom I would spare.....I shall not name them here......but everyone else would get fixed, by gum. The only ones who might escape this fate are those who can run faster than me, and since that includes everyone including the lame and the halt I guess the world is safe from my merciless "repair" project. All I can say is, "faugh, I have had a rotten day."
Were it not for God's Gift to the Universe, the Awesome Finches, I would surely put rocks in my pockets and jump in the the pool.......the deep end this time. I figured out why it didn't work the last time I tried that. How stupid can you get? I guess you really have to mean it to jump in the deep end.....
Anyway, after today imploded, exploded and self-destructed I hauled myself out of the debris a tattered wreck and spent what was left with my nose pressed to the bird cage observing the most charming, delightful creatures on the planet. Except that, apparently even in the bird world there are selfish, greedy bullies who insist on grabbing all of the nesting material for themselves even though their nest basket overflows with the stuff and there is hardly enough room inside for Frank and Doris not to mention the four eggs I counted this morning...yes......I lied.....I have reversed myself and decided to let them breed one brood so I can observe the fascinating process. Frank, of the lovely voice and bullying propensities spent the afternoon depriving his smaller, weaker compatriot, Mickey, of every shred of straw that I had gathered and offered. After watching heartbroken as he snatched the last shred from Mickey's gorgeous red beak and stuffed it vigorously into his own digs there was nothing left but for me to intervene. I am just a meddlesome fool and that is the truth of it. I spent the rest of the day selecting the choicest bits and offering them directly to Mickey's eager but inept beak. It sometimes took 5 minutes for him to get the hang of it and get a good grip, but then what joy and fulfillment to see him drag it through the bars, up to the nest basket and in through the entrance, inch by inch till it was all safely indoors while Frank watched stomping back and forth on his perch in helpless frustration. I have discovered that it is the male who is responsible for building the nest. the women just sit around scratching their feathered fannies and watching their husbands toil away. I guess they figure having to lay all the eggs is job enough for them. Seems only fair, I guess. I have read that both the male and female sit on the eggs and feed the babies if and when they hatch.
Frank and Doris are definitely the dominant pair, but the two smaller birds seem to accept that and cope pretty well. They are all eating like foodaholics, enjoying their swimming pool and flapping, flying, chirping and muttering sweetly to each other all through the day except when they coyly enter their respective abodes and discuss the state of the economy, the freshness of the Swiss Chard, perhaps baby names and whatever it is they are saying to each other in that amazing, strange bird whispering and chortling that issues forth from the nest baskets when the pairs are inside.
Oh, Gawd........I have become as insufferable about my feathered children as people are about their sticky faced offspring and grandchildren. I beg your forgiveness......but you might as well get used to it. The obsessing and the apologies that is.
Pictures will be forthcoming as soon as I can figure out how to shoot inside the cage.
And, incidentally.....so far there has been not a lick of the Cat/Bird problem......tenks gott.
Now, off to bed....this has been an exhausting day with a few bright spots for which I am hugely grateful.
The world is full of selfish, self-obsessed, self-absorbed, self-indulgent idiots and I am fed up with each and every stinkin' one of them. They desperately need fixing and I have decided there is only one way to fix them. If I were running things I would decree that two surgical procedures be performed on all of them...first a lobotomy and then sterilization. There might be 5 people whom I would spare.....I shall not name them here......but everyone else would get fixed, by gum. The only ones who might escape this fate are those who can run faster than me, and since that includes everyone including the lame and the halt I guess the world is safe from my merciless "repair" project. All I can say is, "faugh, I have had a rotten day."
Were it not for God's Gift to the Universe, the Awesome Finches, I would surely put rocks in my pockets and jump in the the pool.......the deep end this time. I figured out why it didn't work the last time I tried that. How stupid can you get? I guess you really have to mean it to jump in the deep end.....
Anyway, after today imploded, exploded and self-destructed I hauled myself out of the debris a tattered wreck and spent what was left with my nose pressed to the bird cage observing the most charming, delightful creatures on the planet. Except that, apparently even in the bird world there are selfish, greedy bullies who insist on grabbing all of the nesting material for themselves even though their nest basket overflows with the stuff and there is hardly enough room inside for Frank and Doris not to mention the four eggs I counted this morning...yes......I lied.....I have reversed myself and decided to let them breed one brood so I can observe the fascinating process. Frank, of the lovely voice and bullying propensities spent the afternoon depriving his smaller, weaker compatriot, Mickey, of every shred of straw that I had gathered and offered. After watching heartbroken as he snatched the last shred from Mickey's gorgeous red beak and stuffed it vigorously into his own digs there was nothing left but for me to intervene. I am just a meddlesome fool and that is the truth of it. I spent the rest of the day selecting the choicest bits and offering them directly to Mickey's eager but inept beak. It sometimes took 5 minutes for him to get the hang of it and get a good grip, but then what joy and fulfillment to see him drag it through the bars, up to the nest basket and in through the entrance, inch by inch till it was all safely indoors while Frank watched stomping back and forth on his perch in helpless frustration. I have discovered that it is the male who is responsible for building the nest. the women just sit around scratching their feathered fannies and watching their husbands toil away. I guess they figure having to lay all the eggs is job enough for them. Seems only fair, I guess. I have read that both the male and female sit on the eggs and feed the babies if and when they hatch.
Frank and Doris are definitely the dominant pair, but the two smaller birds seem to accept that and cope pretty well. They are all eating like foodaholics, enjoying their swimming pool and flapping, flying, chirping and muttering sweetly to each other all through the day except when they coyly enter their respective abodes and discuss the state of the economy, the freshness of the Swiss Chard, perhaps baby names and whatever it is they are saying to each other in that amazing, strange bird whispering and chortling that issues forth from the nest baskets when the pairs are inside.
Oh, Gawd........I have become as insufferable about my feathered children as people are about their sticky faced offspring and grandchildren. I beg your forgiveness......but you might as well get used to it. The obsessing and the apologies that is.
Pictures will be forthcoming as soon as I can figure out how to shoot inside the cage.
And, incidentally.....so far there has been not a lick of the Cat/Bird problem......tenks gott.
Now, off to bed....this has been an exhausting day with a few bright spots for which I am hugely grateful.
Monday, April 1, 2013
Don't Bother Me.....I Am Too Busy Picking Dandelions
Yes, yes, I know you all expected reams of babbling about my precious Finches, but I have not yet adjusted to this newest infatuation and don't forget, I am old and tired. I have relocated them from the outdoor porch to the indoor sunporch figuring that I just can't trust the raccoon family with their agile fingers to live and let live.......better for the birdies to take their chances with several odd cats who seem able to ignore the new tenants with aplomb and a certain nonchalance. I have, thus far, achieved neither of those blissful states. But at least I can sleep at night.
Daytime hours are spent offering sliced grapes, lettuce tidbits and whole leaves of swiss chard which they attack wildly with their little orange beaks snapping and munching. Unfortunately I read in my research that they love dandelion leaves and blossoms. Hell, wouldn't you know it.......for forty years I have been coldly and mercilessly doing away with the dandelions in my lawn and now, all of a sudden, I need dandelions. I have found a few errant plants in my garden, but I fear I will have to secretly rob the neighbors in the dead of night or openly just beg in the daytime.
Meanwhile, I have ingeniously turned a cut down CoolWhip container into a Finch Swimming Pool and was tickled beyond words today to stand there with my nose 3 inches away while they cavorted and splashed and doused me with tiny drops of water from their antics and ruffling of feathers.
I know, I know, you want to see pictures.......well, I have been trying, I swear. Over the weekend I dug down through the mess that is my dining table/now my computer table and on about the fourth layer down I managed to locate both of my cameras.......both with totally dead batteries. I charged them up over the weekkend and installed them today, after printing out the directions on how to use the damned camera....it has been that long since my last efforts. Today I gathered up my courage (to face frustration) and took a few experimental shots. As I feared, I got great pictures of the white neatly spaced 1/2 inch apart bars of the cage with bits of bird barely visible within. This means that I will have to raise one of the sliding gates and figure out how to put the camera inside and position it to capture mostly birds and not bars, nesting boxes and perches. I WILL work this all out, I promise, but it may take a while.
Meanwhile, I have wisely decided I do not want to raise Finch families right now, and this involves my having to check the nesting boxes for eggs and remove and dispose of the eggs if any appear. If anyone dares to ask me why I do not plan to eat them I can only roll my eyeballs skyward and say they are too damned small to be able to peel if hardboiled and for an omelet I would need a production line of at least 400 female Finches so forget it.
I have found that these delightful creatures seem to like it when I sing to them.......sometimes they will intersperse a bit of harmony while mostly they seem mesmerzied by my voice. I have not decided if it is the exquisiteness or the awfulness of same, but it is fun to watch them all inch closer to me on their perches and half shut their little eyes while I croon. Once I master the trick of photographing them I plan a video with me singing to them......hopefully they will join in but I cannot promise that nor much in the way of harmony.
I had not planned to name them but I have noticed myself thinking of them with certain names. Now
you must understand that these are youngsters and I think one pair is slightly older than the other. They are a bit larger, more cocky (you should excuse the expression) and more vocal. To my shame I have found myself referring to the male as Frank (Sinatra) and to his blonde companion as
Doris ( Day). The younger pair has somehow become Mickey and Judy. I do not know if I can maintain these names and continue to hold my head up in respectable society........not that I really care what people may think, but I am sure some may whisper behind their hands that they thought I was better than that.
In addition to my adventures in Finchland I have been having to cope with a few thises and thats and consequently I am very VERY tired so I am going to sign off now. I will report further as soon as I am able.
Meanwhile, think good thoughts for me as I try pushing a camera inside the cage while filling the open aperture of the door with my arm and sleeve so no one escapes......and while you are at it you might say a prayer for a rsurgence of dandelions. Oy, what have I done?
Daytime hours are spent offering sliced grapes, lettuce tidbits and whole leaves of swiss chard which they attack wildly with their little orange beaks snapping and munching. Unfortunately I read in my research that they love dandelion leaves and blossoms. Hell, wouldn't you know it.......for forty years I have been coldly and mercilessly doing away with the dandelions in my lawn and now, all of a sudden, I need dandelions. I have found a few errant plants in my garden, but I fear I will have to secretly rob the neighbors in the dead of night or openly just beg in the daytime.
Meanwhile, I have ingeniously turned a cut down CoolWhip container into a Finch Swimming Pool and was tickled beyond words today to stand there with my nose 3 inches away while they cavorted and splashed and doused me with tiny drops of water from their antics and ruffling of feathers.
I know, I know, you want to see pictures.......well, I have been trying, I swear. Over the weekend I dug down through the mess that is my dining table/now my computer table and on about the fourth layer down I managed to locate both of my cameras.......both with totally dead batteries. I charged them up over the weekkend and installed them today, after printing out the directions on how to use the damned camera....it has been that long since my last efforts. Today I gathered up my courage (to face frustration) and took a few experimental shots. As I feared, I got great pictures of the white neatly spaced 1/2 inch apart bars of the cage with bits of bird barely visible within. This means that I will have to raise one of the sliding gates and figure out how to put the camera inside and position it to capture mostly birds and not bars, nesting boxes and perches. I WILL work this all out, I promise, but it may take a while.
Meanwhile, I have wisely decided I do not want to raise Finch families right now, and this involves my having to check the nesting boxes for eggs and remove and dispose of the eggs if any appear. If anyone dares to ask me why I do not plan to eat them I can only roll my eyeballs skyward and say they are too damned small to be able to peel if hardboiled and for an omelet I would need a production line of at least 400 female Finches so forget it.
I have found that these delightful creatures seem to like it when I sing to them.......sometimes they will intersperse a bit of harmony while mostly they seem mesmerzied by my voice. I have not decided if it is the exquisiteness or the awfulness of same, but it is fun to watch them all inch closer to me on their perches and half shut their little eyes while I croon. Once I master the trick of photographing them I plan a video with me singing to them......hopefully they will join in but I cannot promise that nor much in the way of harmony.
I had not planned to name them but I have noticed myself thinking of them with certain names. Now
you must understand that these are youngsters and I think one pair is slightly older than the other. They are a bit larger, more cocky (you should excuse the expression) and more vocal. To my shame I have found myself referring to the male as Frank (Sinatra) and to his blonde companion as
Doris ( Day). The younger pair has somehow become Mickey and Judy. I do not know if I can maintain these names and continue to hold my head up in respectable society........not that I really care what people may think, but I am sure some may whisper behind their hands that they thought I was better than that.
In addition to my adventures in Finchland I have been having to cope with a few thises and thats and consequently I am very VERY tired so I am going to sign off now. I will report further as soon as I am able.
Meanwhile, think good thoughts for me as I try pushing a camera inside the cage while filling the open aperture of the door with my arm and sleeve so no one escapes......and while you are at it you might say a prayer for a rsurgence of dandelions. Oy, what have I done?
Tuesday, March 26, 2013
Lo Has Finches on the Brain and on the Porch
Well, yes, of course I have gone ahead and done it......you knew I would. I certainly wasn't going to let that perfectly good, brand new cage go to waste, now was I?
The Cat Lady is now aka The Bird Lady of Califa St. I am now the proud, somewhat rattled mother of two pair of lovely, delightful zebra Finches. I do not know why they are called zebra.....they do have black and white patches or stripes on the head....at least the males do.....the females are more subdued. One has a sprinkling of black feathers and white here and there on a beige body; the other female is all soft off white and they all have gorgeous vermillion beaks. The males also have glowing round vermillion patches on their cheeks kind of like avian clowns......red noses, red cheeks, but nothing clumsy about these guys......they are delicate and graceful and OMG are they busy. Flying from perch to perch, flitting hither and yon checking out their mansion.....60,000 square feet, two bedrooms, one bath, two servants constantly dropping bits of lettuce cucumber, grapes, eggshell through the bars like manna from heaven, seed and water dishes always refilled. Today the head servant went out to gather grass and various select twigs to provide building materials for when they decide to construct their nurseries in the nesting baskets. I was told to step back and let them do it themselves or hire their own contractor. Sigh.
It was so funny when they were first introduced into the cage....one pushy male immediately flew up and checked out and briefly inhabited one of the nesting baskets, little red bill poking out. This is ours, he said in no uncertain terms. Didn't even consult his wife, the male chauvinist pig. Hmmm....now that I think about it, I am not sure if he had even decided on which of the females he intended to claim and drag by the hair into their cave. He may be like some of the men I have known,only briefly, who plan to appropriate both females for his harem. I hope the other guy doesn't let him get away with it.......or maybe they will all share....who knows. In all of the literature I have recently read about finches, nothing mentioned whether or not they are monogamous like Mourning Doves. Well, that is their business I do not really care one whit about their sex lives as long as they are happy. Of course I do hope thay are not all gay because I am looking forward to some eggs and babies, but I guess if they are all homosexual they can always adopt.
I think the head servant has been busier then the finches. To tell the truth, I am exhausted....mostly from anxiety that this process should all go well, but a good part from running/shlepping/limping around getting everything set up. And last night, because they are on the open porch which is where the nitely buffet is set out for strays, possum, raccoons, I devised an intricate security system for them. No, it does not have a bell that rings in my bedroom.....though I wish I could have one of those. I remembered having, in my garage, several of those 6 foot x 7 foot slat blinds which I used to have hanging in the sun room for reasons which I cannot remember and I decided that if I stood the thing on end and wrapped it snugly around the cage and fastened with a bungy cord that it would create a 7 foot tall pillar of an unimpregnable fortress. I had to struggle a bit with it, but it did go up well and I went to bed praying I would not hear a resounding crash during the night with a few pitiful twitters of goodbye from my feathered children. I did sleep, but not well I will admit and with the dawn I staggered out to peer out the window to see if the fortress was still standing. Huzzah, it was! Actually, Florence and I discussed this and she suggested simply bringing the cage inside and setting it on the floor in the atrium where they would be totally safe,. I think we may do that tonight. I will certainly sleep better, I don't think the birds give a shit, if you will pardon the expression.
Now my main problem is that with my poor vision I cannot really see my precious pets very well in all their detailed glory. I have to keep asking poor Florence whether there are still 4 birds in the cage.....she will undoubtedly end up hating me and them.....oh dear....I hope not. I will have to start limiting my queries to just 5 or 6 times a day. I am experimenting with tools to see them better,,,trying a pair of old opera glasses, binoculars, my old prescription distance glasses whatever I can find that will help. Meanwhile I must be satisfied with whatever I am able to see........it is still fascinating to me.
By the way.....to all those naysayers out there I can state that they are not in the least bit messy....not a seed has been flung outside their cage nor are they noisy.....sweet little tweets and twitters now and them, hardly audible. So there....nyah, nyah. I appreciate all the words of caution I received, but, being this insufferable, incurable optimist, I am glad none of the negatives have surfaced.
I have been playing with names for my chillun and cannot decide whether to name them fancy names like Delilah, Elspeth, Nigel Fortescue, silly names like Butch and Spike or just Eeny, Meeny, Miney and Moe. Since the only one I can really identify is the white female I may just name her and call the others whatever I feel like on a give day.....they will definitely not care nor will they respond to anything I call them......the ingrates......they will just order me around like the rest of my children never picking up after themselves and continuing to stay and mooch off of me even after they are adults with families of their own bickering away out there about how the mansion needs more bedrooms and an extra bath.
Good Lord, what have I done???? I might as well have had real children........no, no........for me this is the right path, at least no dirty diapers.
Tune in again for the next installment............sometime soon.
The Cat Lady is now aka The Bird Lady of Califa St. I am now the proud, somewhat rattled mother of two pair of lovely, delightful zebra Finches. I do not know why they are called zebra.....they do have black and white patches or stripes on the head....at least the males do.....the females are more subdued. One has a sprinkling of black feathers and white here and there on a beige body; the other female is all soft off white and they all have gorgeous vermillion beaks. The males also have glowing round vermillion patches on their cheeks kind of like avian clowns......red noses, red cheeks, but nothing clumsy about these guys......they are delicate and graceful and OMG are they busy. Flying from perch to perch, flitting hither and yon checking out their mansion.....60,000 square feet, two bedrooms, one bath, two servants constantly dropping bits of lettuce cucumber, grapes, eggshell through the bars like manna from heaven, seed and water dishes always refilled. Today the head servant went out to gather grass and various select twigs to provide building materials for when they decide to construct their nurseries in the nesting baskets. I was told to step back and let them do it themselves or hire their own contractor. Sigh.
It was so funny when they were first introduced into the cage....one pushy male immediately flew up and checked out and briefly inhabited one of the nesting baskets, little red bill poking out. This is ours, he said in no uncertain terms. Didn't even consult his wife, the male chauvinist pig. Hmmm....now that I think about it, I am not sure if he had even decided on which of the females he intended to claim and drag by the hair into their cave. He may be like some of the men I have known,only briefly, who plan to appropriate both females for his harem. I hope the other guy doesn't let him get away with it.......or maybe they will all share....who knows. In all of the literature I have recently read about finches, nothing mentioned whether or not they are monogamous like Mourning Doves. Well, that is their business I do not really care one whit about their sex lives as long as they are happy. Of course I do hope thay are not all gay because I am looking forward to some eggs and babies, but I guess if they are all homosexual they can always adopt.
I think the head servant has been busier then the finches. To tell the truth, I am exhausted....mostly from anxiety that this process should all go well, but a good part from running/shlepping/limping around getting everything set up. And last night, because they are on the open porch which is where the nitely buffet is set out for strays, possum, raccoons, I devised an intricate security system for them. No, it does not have a bell that rings in my bedroom.....though I wish I could have one of those. I remembered having, in my garage, several of those 6 foot x 7 foot slat blinds which I used to have hanging in the sun room for reasons which I cannot remember and I decided that if I stood the thing on end and wrapped it snugly around the cage and fastened with a bungy cord that it would create a 7 foot tall pillar of an unimpregnable fortress. I had to struggle a bit with it, but it did go up well and I went to bed praying I would not hear a resounding crash during the night with a few pitiful twitters of goodbye from my feathered children. I did sleep, but not well I will admit and with the dawn I staggered out to peer out the window to see if the fortress was still standing. Huzzah, it was! Actually, Florence and I discussed this and she suggested simply bringing the cage inside and setting it on the floor in the atrium where they would be totally safe,. I think we may do that tonight. I will certainly sleep better, I don't think the birds give a shit, if you will pardon the expression.
Now my main problem is that with my poor vision I cannot really see my precious pets very well in all their detailed glory. I have to keep asking poor Florence whether there are still 4 birds in the cage.....she will undoubtedly end up hating me and them.....oh dear....I hope not. I will have to start limiting my queries to just 5 or 6 times a day. I am experimenting with tools to see them better,,,trying a pair of old opera glasses, binoculars, my old prescription distance glasses whatever I can find that will help. Meanwhile I must be satisfied with whatever I am able to see........it is still fascinating to me.
By the way.....to all those naysayers out there I can state that they are not in the least bit messy....not a seed has been flung outside their cage nor are they noisy.....sweet little tweets and twitters now and them, hardly audible. So there....nyah, nyah. I appreciate all the words of caution I received, but, being this insufferable, incurable optimist, I am glad none of the negatives have surfaced.
I have been playing with names for my chillun and cannot decide whether to name them fancy names like Delilah, Elspeth, Nigel Fortescue, silly names like Butch and Spike or just Eeny, Meeny, Miney and Moe. Since the only one I can really identify is the white female I may just name her and call the others whatever I feel like on a give day.....they will definitely not care nor will they respond to anything I call them......the ingrates......they will just order me around like the rest of my children never picking up after themselves and continuing to stay and mooch off of me even after they are adults with families of their own bickering away out there about how the mansion needs more bedrooms and an extra bath.
Good Lord, what have I done???? I might as well have had real children........no, no........for me this is the right path, at least no dirty diapers.
Tune in again for the next installment............sometime soon.
Friday, March 22, 2013
Abducted by Aliens/ or Lo Still Has Finches On The Brain
I was abducted by aliens again last night and subjected to tortures unmentionable....they made me listen to my own audio recordings of myself singing off key thru every song written between 1930 and 1960. Last time they nabbed me they apparently implanted some kind of chip and what they wanted this time was to know what it was that caused the chip to register joy and happiness in huge spikes at odd hours of the day and/or night. I am sorry....I am a coward........I could not hold out....I had to tell them what they wanted to know. So some of you guys may be in danger.
This is to warn Joe of "Cranky Old Man", Mary Brewster of "MurrMurrs" and Pearl of "Pearl Why You Little" that I was forced to name names...yours. It IS your fault that I keep breaking out into gales of laughter, giggles and hee-hees whenever I read your blogs, but I do not want anything bad to happen to you as a result of your brilliance and wit so be warned. Unfortunately, I do not have any advice about how to protect yourselves.........I do know that Garlic does NOT work.....I tried both eating it and wearing it and it was useless as a defense. It did, however, keep a lot of mostly tiresome people away from me for days so it was not a total loss. And, in all fairness, these alien abductors have never actually hurt me......so perhaps I am worrying for nothing....you may even enjoy the experience. It sure beats the monotony of having to watch reruns on TV for the gazillionth time.
And no, I did not get a good look at them, those aliens that is, nor was I able to see any details of the wondrous spaceship....it is all fuzzy, like a dream......so please do not nag me for details. . The only thing that came across with dreadful clarity was the monstrosity of my off key vocalizing droning on and on. Could it have been the pickles and ice cream I had before going to bed, do ya' think?
No, I firmly believe it was caused by exhaustion and a lapse into temporary total insanity from single-handedly assembling an 18" x 18" x 30" bird cage before bedtime with nothing but a page of those infuriating assembly instruction (ha) with no words....just arrows and an assortment of letters of the alphabet which prove to be more confusing than helpful (I should not complain.....at least the letters were in English and not Japanese or Korean.) To my credit, I do not remember uttering a single crass epithet....well, not very many.......at least not until I got to the part where I decided to make a few new perches out of more suitable finch size dowels I happened to have in the garage. This required my notching the ends with a little hacksaw and I finally figured out the way to avoid sawing off my finger instead of notching the dowel was to hold the saw upside down and rub the end of the dowel across it.......oh, never mind.........the main problem was being nearly blind and unable to see the end of the dowel, but I got 'er done. Counted my fingers afterward and there still seem to be 10 mostly attached.
Any of you who read my last blog must be either nodding your heads in understanding or shaking your heads side to side in utter disbelief. Does all of this birdcage activity mean that I have succumbed to my wild whim to keep finches? Well, perhaps....but then again, maybe not.... I have not actually surrendered to the act of purchasing any birds. I thought I would first see how I liked having a bird cage on my porch outside of the window where my reclining chair lives (often with my plump bottom settled therein). After a day or so when I see if I am enjoying my birdcage or hating it I will make a final decision on whether to take the next step in the project. No.......to be truthful I think I took the next step today when I sent Florence out to Birds Plus to buy a nesting basket and some Finch seed. I will see how I like having a bird cage and some Finch seed and then I will take the next step. Meanwhile I am amusing myself by making little bird swings out of old discarded plastic canula tubing from my oxygen feed system....... I KNEW I would figure out something to do with them rather than throwing them all out.......I just never dreamed it would be to make bird swings out of them.
And so goes this odd Friday in the little Crazy Old Lady's house on Califa St. Once again I have manged to come up with an idea to get myself out of bed in the mornings and save me from being bored to death by my limitations. I am not ashamed of my craziness, I think it is really quite a Good Thing. I am actually grateful for it.
Oh.........And good luck Joe, Murr and Pearl.
This is to warn Joe of "Cranky Old Man", Mary Brewster of "MurrMurrs" and Pearl of "Pearl Why You Little" that I was forced to name names...yours. It IS your fault that I keep breaking out into gales of laughter, giggles and hee-hees whenever I read your blogs, but I do not want anything bad to happen to you as a result of your brilliance and wit so be warned. Unfortunately, I do not have any advice about how to protect yourselves.........I do know that Garlic does NOT work.....I tried both eating it and wearing it and it was useless as a defense. It did, however, keep a lot of mostly tiresome people away from me for days so it was not a total loss. And, in all fairness, these alien abductors have never actually hurt me......so perhaps I am worrying for nothing....you may even enjoy the experience. It sure beats the monotony of having to watch reruns on TV for the gazillionth time.
And no, I did not get a good look at them, those aliens that is, nor was I able to see any details of the wondrous spaceship....it is all fuzzy, like a dream......so please do not nag me for details. . The only thing that came across with dreadful clarity was the monstrosity of my off key vocalizing droning on and on. Could it have been the pickles and ice cream I had before going to bed, do ya' think?
No, I firmly believe it was caused by exhaustion and a lapse into temporary total insanity from single-handedly assembling an 18" x 18" x 30" bird cage before bedtime with nothing but a page of those infuriating assembly instruction (ha) with no words....just arrows and an assortment of letters of the alphabet which prove to be more confusing than helpful (I should not complain.....at least the letters were in English and not Japanese or Korean.) To my credit, I do not remember uttering a single crass epithet....well, not very many.......at least not until I got to the part where I decided to make a few new perches out of more suitable finch size dowels I happened to have in the garage. This required my notching the ends with a little hacksaw and I finally figured out the way to avoid sawing off my finger instead of notching the dowel was to hold the saw upside down and rub the end of the dowel across it.......oh, never mind.........the main problem was being nearly blind and unable to see the end of the dowel, but I got 'er done. Counted my fingers afterward and there still seem to be 10 mostly attached.
Any of you who read my last blog must be either nodding your heads in understanding or shaking your heads side to side in utter disbelief. Does all of this birdcage activity mean that I have succumbed to my wild whim to keep finches? Well, perhaps....but then again, maybe not.... I have not actually surrendered to the act of purchasing any birds. I thought I would first see how I liked having a bird cage on my porch outside of the window where my reclining chair lives (often with my plump bottom settled therein). After a day or so when I see if I am enjoying my birdcage or hating it I will make a final decision on whether to take the next step in the project. No.......to be truthful I think I took the next step today when I sent Florence out to Birds Plus to buy a nesting basket and some Finch seed. I will see how I like having a bird cage and some Finch seed and then I will take the next step. Meanwhile I am amusing myself by making little bird swings out of old discarded plastic canula tubing from my oxygen feed system....... I KNEW I would figure out something to do with them rather than throwing them all out.......I just never dreamed it would be to make bird swings out of them.
And so goes this odd Friday in the little Crazy Old Lady's house on Califa St. Once again I have manged to come up with an idea to get myself out of bed in the mornings and save me from being bored to death by my limitations. I am not ashamed of my craziness, I think it is really quite a Good Thing. I am actually grateful for it.
Oh.........And good luck Joe, Murr and Pearl.
Wednesday, March 20, 2013
When Google Reader Disappears Where Does That Leave Me?
Please, do not make the mistake of thinking that any of the following words about Google Reader are being written in jest.....I have never been more deadly serious!
I am sorry if it disappoints you to discover the depths of my ignorance, but I am bamboozled by the news that Google Reader will be snatched away from us on July 1. From the shrieks of anguish and rumors of Petitions protesting and pleading and such, I assume that this will affect us (Bloggers, that is).
I need your help in understanding the how and what of it, but more importantly, I definitely need detailed help in guiding me as to what to do about it. (never mind the petitions......Google has become the Monster that ate Apple......do you really believe they are going to give a good goddamn about what YOU and I want?
I have a multitude of questions, but I will try to control myself.
* Will our current and our history blogs contained in the files at "blogspot.com" need to be copied/exported/uploaded/downloaded/carried in a wheelbarrow to some other site name?
* I have heard that a thing called "Feedly" could take over Google's activities for us. Does anyone know anything about how that would work? (What a terrible name...I will be deeply ashamed to be associated with a thing called Feedly, but I am ready to bite the bullet if I must).
* Has anyone already taken steps to transfer over to another Utility Program ? (my term not theirs)
* Does anyone know anything about what to do first?
I am attempting to attack this problem early because it takes me so long to understand some of these things and to finally get it right and I cannot face the prospect of fucking up and being unable to blog or be blogged to.
If the answers to my questions are too long and complex to be given in comments, please email me.
I think my email address is around here someplace or maybe in my profile...if not, I will fix that shortly.
Thank you from the bottom of my heart. (!)
And now for something completely different......
I feel compelled to respond to several of the comments on my last blog in which I mused about the desire (but not necessarily the act) to acquire a few Finches (the birds that is)
For any of you who may not have been paying attention, I was NOT born yesterday. Not only have I heard the rumor that cats and birds do not always bond well (to the birds' advantage, that is), but I
have even been in the position of owning or being owned by a cat and a bird simultaneously.
The fact is that, with a little common sense and a bit of caution, the two can coexist very nicely. After discovering that the bird is simply not available as a toy or a meal, , the cat will generally come to totally ignore the presence of the bird.....or so was my experience. My parakeet, Chauncey, and my Siamese, Whozit, lived together peaceably for many years.....Chauncey was often allowed to leave his cage, fly around the room, sit on my finger and give kisses, learn new words and phrases and other endearing activities without being devoured. The cat was simply shut out of the room during these jaunts. Simple. It worked. You cannot believe that I would put a creature in danger simply to satisfy a foolish whim of mine, can you? Of course not....you just did not think before panicking and becoming hysterical.
As for the one comment voicing the often expressed premise that wild animals should not be kept in cages........there are meaningful arguments on both sides of that issue and I will not get involved in that. BUT, in the case of cage bred birds who were born in cages, lived their lives in cages, raised their families in cages and ultimately died after a peaceful, pampered, w ell fed 5 or 6 year life in cages I have a different take on the subject. Perhaps the wild finches (which are I have been led to believe) different species from the pet finch varieties) have a freer, happier life.....I dunno. I suspect that if the cage bred birds were set free they would have a very rough time of it, might starve while getting acclimated to freedom, might fall prey to a multitude of predators and might or might not have as long a life span. The ones I observed on my safari the other day seemed quite happy, content, certainly pampered and well fed, busy playing, flying around the spacious cages, raising their young and doing other finch-like things, and one must also consider the hundreds of thousands of bird lovers who get enormous enjoyment out of caring for and watching these charming little birds. Are they really criminals or monsters. I say not so.
Forgive me if I get a bit nasty here, but I suspect that if you ask any wife, who married for security and the pleasure of being "kept", whether she was content with the deal, she would say "yes-mostly"............I merely point to the fact that, if those wives decide they are not content they almost always go out and find another "keeper" to feather their nest for them (sorry....couldn't resist). Rarely do they opt for the freedom to find some menial job, struggle, toil and ruin their manicures with dishwater. But then, I could be prejudiced......the human pet happens to be one of my pet peeves. Oh, dear...I do apologize......If I had an ounce of decency I would delete that last bit of fun with words but I obviously don't.
And on that note I will sit down and shut up.
Just don't forget my plea way back at the beginning.
I am sorry if it disappoints you to discover the depths of my ignorance, but I am bamboozled by the news that Google Reader will be snatched away from us on July 1. From the shrieks of anguish and rumors of Petitions protesting and pleading and such, I assume that this will affect us (Bloggers, that is).
I need your help in understanding the how and what of it, but more importantly, I definitely need detailed help in guiding me as to what to do about it. (never mind the petitions......Google has become the Monster that ate Apple......do you really believe they are going to give a good goddamn about what YOU and I want?
I have a multitude of questions, but I will try to control myself.
* Will our current and our history blogs contained in the files at "blogspot.com" need to be copied/exported/uploaded/downloaded/carried in a wheelbarrow to some other site name?
* I have heard that a thing called "Feedly" could take over Google's activities for us. Does anyone know anything about how that would work? (What a terrible name...I will be deeply ashamed to be associated with a thing called Feedly, but I am ready to bite the bullet if I must).
* Has anyone already taken steps to transfer over to another Utility Program ? (my term not theirs)
* Does anyone know anything about what to do first?
I am attempting to attack this problem early because it takes me so long to understand some of these things and to finally get it right and I cannot face the prospect of fucking up and being unable to blog or be blogged to.
If the answers to my questions are too long and complex to be given in comments, please email me.
I think my email address is around here someplace or maybe in my profile...if not, I will fix that shortly.
Thank you from the bottom of my heart. (!)
And now for something completely different......
I feel compelled to respond to several of the comments on my last blog in which I mused about the desire (but not necessarily the act) to acquire a few Finches (the birds that is)
For any of you who may not have been paying attention, I was NOT born yesterday. Not only have I heard the rumor that cats and birds do not always bond well (to the birds' advantage, that is), but I
have even been in the position of owning or being owned by a cat and a bird simultaneously.
The fact is that, with a little common sense and a bit of caution, the two can coexist very nicely. After discovering that the bird is simply not available as a toy or a meal, , the cat will generally come to totally ignore the presence of the bird.....or so was my experience. My parakeet, Chauncey, and my Siamese, Whozit, lived together peaceably for many years.....Chauncey was often allowed to leave his cage, fly around the room, sit on my finger and give kisses, learn new words and phrases and other endearing activities without being devoured. The cat was simply shut out of the room during these jaunts. Simple. It worked. You cannot believe that I would put a creature in danger simply to satisfy a foolish whim of mine, can you? Of course not....you just did not think before panicking and becoming hysterical.
As for the one comment voicing the often expressed premise that wild animals should not be kept in cages........there are meaningful arguments on both sides of that issue and I will not get involved in that. BUT, in the case of cage bred birds who were born in cages, lived their lives in cages, raised their families in cages and ultimately died after a peaceful, pampered, w ell fed 5 or 6 year life in cages I have a different take on the subject. Perhaps the wild finches (which are I have been led to believe) different species from the pet finch varieties) have a freer, happier life.....I dunno. I suspect that if the cage bred birds were set free they would have a very rough time of it, might starve while getting acclimated to freedom, might fall prey to a multitude of predators and might or might not have as long a life span. The ones I observed on my safari the other day seemed quite happy, content, certainly pampered and well fed, busy playing, flying around the spacious cages, raising their young and doing other finch-like things, and one must also consider the hundreds of thousands of bird lovers who get enormous enjoyment out of caring for and watching these charming little birds. Are they really criminals or monsters. I say not so.
Forgive me if I get a bit nasty here, but I suspect that if you ask any wife, who married for security and the pleasure of being "kept", whether she was content with the deal, she would say "yes-mostly"............I merely point to the fact that, if those wives decide they are not content they almost always go out and find another "keeper" to feather their nest for them (sorry....couldn't resist). Rarely do they opt for the freedom to find some menial job, struggle, toil and ruin their manicures with dishwater. But then, I could be prejudiced......the human pet happens to be one of my pet peeves. Oh, dear...I do apologize......If I had an ounce of decency I would delete that last bit of fun with words but I obviously don't.
And on that note I will sit down and shut up.
Just don't forget my plea way back at the beginning.
Saturday, March 16, 2013
Just Another of My Bird Brained Ideas....Please Save Me
Help!
Everyone, drop whatever you are doing this instant, grab the nearest coil of rope, a few lengths of sturdy chain and several pairs of handcuffs, if you happen to have any lying around left over from your work or perverted sex play. Perhaps a few sturdy gags would be useful too, in case I could manage, though properly restrained, to inch my way to the phone and activate it with my teeth and tongue. I have just noticed myself galloping off in a very dangerous direction and must be stopped by any and every means possible.
"WTF" ??, you say, "what has that crazy broad gotten herself into now?" Well, I am not into it yet, but I know the signs and it means Trouble Right Here in River City.....also in Valley Village, otherwise known by its less snooty inhabitants as North Hollywood. This is one of those cases where I find myself giving myself advice by saying, "Now, if I were you, Lois...." But I do not seem to be listening. Dammit, I never do.
Oh, hell.....here's the straight poop......it all began a few days ago when I went out to the front porch upon arising ......the porch wherein the nitely free buffet is set up for the night critters....... because I saw something a bit peculiar lying there.....a leaf perhaps...no.....horrors, a dead bird obviously left in generous payment for his buffet meal by one of my nitely cat visitors. Nature can be so cruel though I had to appreciate the gesture. Sorrowfully I picked it up and gazed in wonder at its beauty. It was quite small, bigger than a hummingbird but not by much and I decided it might be a type of finch which I see passing through my yard fairly often tweeting their lovely high pitched tweets. With a beautiful pale yellow belly and shades of pale green here and there....I had never seen anything quite like it.....so after being quite sure it could not be revived by a drop of brandy or mouth to mouth, I carried it indoors and put it into a baggie and into the freezer for further study later.
And then began the endless hours spent on Google doing ever more dangerous searches. Innocently starting out with merely trying to identify it among "finches" I determined that the closest I could come was perhaps a wild bird called a "goldfinch". And then my eye strayed to a sidebar item which said.....gasp..... Finches as Pets, and then to a more insidious and fatal entry, "Finches For Sale". Today, when my back was turned, I found my incorrigible self calling one or two of the phone numbers in my local area to find out about what they had to offer and for how much. To make matters worse, I spent the afternoon perusing listings for cages and pondering possible sites for setting up same to enable me to watch the little darlings.......that I have absolutely no intention of acquiring, you understand. None, Nada, Zilch!
During this investigation I have learned some interesting bits of info like the fact that, rather than an upright cage they require a horizontal cage because Finches need to fly for exercise and it needs to be in a more or less horizontal flight path. Nothing was said about landing lights or a control tower, so I assume the birds take care of those details for themselves. There was one article that put me off a bit by mentioning that, in addition to seed and things like hard boiled eggs with the shells mashed up for calcium, Finches need some protein like insects or live little worms. But other articles calmed my fears by assuring me that there were pellets available that provided all that sort of thing in a less wriggly way.
I was also warned that one species, called the Zebra Finch I believe, can be a sort of Nazi of the bird world, so vilely aggressive as to kill all the other Finches within his view and flying space, an event too dreadful to contemplate. But yet another article assured me that this can be solved by having at least 6 Finches in the cage. Perhaps the little fucker can count and knows that 5 against one is not a percentage in his favor. Who knows.
All fascinating stuff......but, of course, this is all academic because I would have to be totally out of my friggin' mind to even consider adding birds to my menagerie, wouldn't I? And even if I were considering it, all of you good people would grab your ropes and chains and handcuffs and gags and come to my rescue by restraining me in my madness before I did any real damage to myself, wouldn't you? Of course you would, so we can all sleep soundly tonight.
.......Oh, um, by the way.....have you ever or do any of you now keep Finches??? Just askin'.......
Everyone, drop whatever you are doing this instant, grab the nearest coil of rope, a few lengths of sturdy chain and several pairs of handcuffs, if you happen to have any lying around left over from your work or perverted sex play. Perhaps a few sturdy gags would be useful too, in case I could manage, though properly restrained, to inch my way to the phone and activate it with my teeth and tongue. I have just noticed myself galloping off in a very dangerous direction and must be stopped by any and every means possible.
"WTF" ??, you say, "what has that crazy broad gotten herself into now?" Well, I am not into it yet, but I know the signs and it means Trouble Right Here in River City.....also in Valley Village, otherwise known by its less snooty inhabitants as North Hollywood. This is one of those cases where I find myself giving myself advice by saying, "Now, if I were you, Lois...." But I do not seem to be listening. Dammit, I never do.
Oh, hell.....here's the straight poop......it all began a few days ago when I went out to the front porch upon arising ......the porch wherein the nitely free buffet is set up for the night critters....... because I saw something a bit peculiar lying there.....a leaf perhaps...no.....horrors, a dead bird obviously left in generous payment for his buffet meal by one of my nitely cat visitors. Nature can be so cruel though I had to appreciate the gesture. Sorrowfully I picked it up and gazed in wonder at its beauty. It was quite small, bigger than a hummingbird but not by much and I decided it might be a type of finch which I see passing through my yard fairly often tweeting their lovely high pitched tweets. With a beautiful pale yellow belly and shades of pale green here and there....I had never seen anything quite like it.....so after being quite sure it could not be revived by a drop of brandy or mouth to mouth, I carried it indoors and put it into a baggie and into the freezer for further study later.
And then began the endless hours spent on Google doing ever more dangerous searches. Innocently starting out with merely trying to identify it among "finches" I determined that the closest I could come was perhaps a wild bird called a "goldfinch". And then my eye strayed to a sidebar item which said.....gasp..... Finches as Pets, and then to a more insidious and fatal entry, "Finches For Sale". Today, when my back was turned, I found my incorrigible self calling one or two of the phone numbers in my local area to find out about what they had to offer and for how much. To make matters worse, I spent the afternoon perusing listings for cages and pondering possible sites for setting up same to enable me to watch the little darlings.......that I have absolutely no intention of acquiring, you understand. None, Nada, Zilch!
During this investigation I have learned some interesting bits of info like the fact that, rather than an upright cage they require a horizontal cage because Finches need to fly for exercise and it needs to be in a more or less horizontal flight path. Nothing was said about landing lights or a control tower, so I assume the birds take care of those details for themselves. There was one article that put me off a bit by mentioning that, in addition to seed and things like hard boiled eggs with the shells mashed up for calcium, Finches need some protein like insects or live little worms. But other articles calmed my fears by assuring me that there were pellets available that provided all that sort of thing in a less wriggly way.
I was also warned that one species, called the Zebra Finch I believe, can be a sort of Nazi of the bird world, so vilely aggressive as to kill all the other Finches within his view and flying space, an event too dreadful to contemplate. But yet another article assured me that this can be solved by having at least 6 Finches in the cage. Perhaps the little fucker can count and knows that 5 against one is not a percentage in his favor. Who knows.
All fascinating stuff......but, of course, this is all academic because I would have to be totally out of my friggin' mind to even consider adding birds to my menagerie, wouldn't I? And even if I were considering it, all of you good people would grab your ropes and chains and handcuffs and gags and come to my rescue by restraining me in my madness before I did any real damage to myself, wouldn't you? Of course you would, so we can all sleep soundly tonight.
.......Oh, um, by the way.....have you ever or do any of you now keep Finches??? Just askin'.......
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