Sickness and Demise by Google

I was just about to start this off with the admonition to all you wonderful people, "Don't Get Old!".......then I realized that the alternative is not very inviting so I take back the command.  Actually getting old is a very interesting process full of surprises (i.e that's funny.....I always used to be able to reach down there to put my socks on),  shocking discoveries (when the Gallup Poll asks me whether I expect my situation to be to be better, worse, or the same in 10 years (as they often do about different life situations)  just thinking about it scares the shit out of me.......I have absolutely no answer...... "damned if I know where I will be in 10 years, you insensitive dolt" doesn't have a box to be checked........I just click on "next"   and pray it is not as threatening. 

Perhaps one of the funniest things about getting old is the fact that, on your bad days,  you and your peers often have a lot of the same vague but possibly ominous symptoms but, in my case, only I have a computer....(these old biddies who refuse to move into the 21st century really burn my ass) ...consequently I have to be prepared to receive phone calls at any hour of the day or nite with an anxious, quavering voice pressing me to look up this kind of pain in the foot just above the big toe or that kind of strange eruption or rash on the hiney  or what could be causing a person to be unable to lift her legs and get out of bed in the morning and off I am dispatched to see what the oracle called Google offers as diagnosis. 

(Fortunately for that last mentioned condition I was able to diagnose it myself by asking how many blankets and quilts were keeping her warm and found the weight of same to be so heavy that it is a wonder she could ever walk again...removal of half of them resulted in an instant cure.......ah well.....)  But that Google can be a menace as well as an aid.........by the time I finish looking at the pictures and reading the dire predictions I usually come down the the very same affliction and can't rid myself of it till my next visit to the doctor whereupon he manages to dispel my fears without making me feel like a total unadulterated idiot.  I have always had a tendency to slight hypochondria
and Google is NO  place for hypochondriacs I can tell you.  I have decided, that for my own self protection, I must shut down my practice as medical intermediary or risk being stricken down before my time by somebody else's ailments.

I'll be very honest....I did not envision having these particular weird problems in my old age.......but I guess that is precisely the crux of the matter.....hardly anyone bothers to picture themselves in their old age and no one can imagine what old age is like till you are sunk into it up the the armpits.   Worse yet, there isn't a single damned book out there to properly describe or warn you of what to expect.  I guess that is why it still remains an adventure of some sort or another.........

An Apology to Rosie

This will be brief and to the point. 

I mistakenly accused/credited Rosie of "Spotty Dog" for offering the name "Bitch" for my new little terror/cat.  Horrors.  An error in the Blogosphere is a serious thing and I am ashamed, repentant and sorry, sorry, sorry.  Below is my public apology.

Rosie, my dear
A thousand apologies for crediting (?) you with the wrong kitty name in my blog.

Please forgive me !

End of the Name Game

I want to thank all you fine folk who attempted to help me name the newly arrived kitty and to apologize for my cowardly chickening out.   (see below)  All of the suggestions were splendid and I must confess I was very tempted by the appropriateness of "Spitunia" (laytonwomand3rd)  but you all must understand that I must picture myself standing on the front porch steps at any hour of the day or night shrieking the name into the neighborhood air along with loud clapping of the hands and intermittent hissings of "here pussy, pussy, pussy".  Sorry, Rosie, but from the beginning but I had to rule out "Bitch".   Not only would it project a skewed image of me as Cat Momma, but I fear it would give my neighbors the totally wrong idea of both of us.

However, for me the main quality the name must possess is that it feels good rolling off the tongue and I finally decided that the one that felt the best and was somewhat appropriate was...... "Bitsy".......not very imaginative I am afraid, but satisfactory.  Of course, I was also heavily influenced by the fact that the previous owners had been calling her "Mitzi", a name I detested, but I noticed that the little wretch at least cocked her ear slightly to the sound of that and "Bitsy"seemed the perfect solution..........so, c'est fini".

Thank you all enormously.......your suggestions were hugely useful in helping me decide what I did NOT want to name her......no offense intended..........and, who knows, after another few months of this silly growling and hissing she may end up being "Bitch"

I know you are all wondering why I have not posted a photo of her and I promise I will do so as soon as I can take one that does her justice. 

Gotta go now and round up the herd.

Urk......Excuse Me......Must Have Been Somehing I Ate

Oh, hell......I guess it was inevitable that it would happen some day.

I went to the frig the other day (and knowing me you KNOW that my frig is not one of those wimpy things with nothing in it but half bottle of champagne and an orchid )......well, as I was saying, there I was peering into the frig and I realized that one of the 5327 containers tucked away for future enjoyment or saved for the fight against midnight hunger attacks had leaked.  Rather then unload the entire frig to find the leaky one, I recklessly dipped my pinkie into the unidentifiable dribble and gave it a good lick to identify which container was at fault.  I can only say that next time I put out a fresh offering of lovely Smoothie made of chicken soup and Friskies Mixed Grill for those ungrateful beasts who share my house and my life, and they spurn it with cast up eyes and wrinkled noses and I scream, "You ingrates, that is delicious stuff,"  I will not just be flapping my gums.....I will be talking from experience.

Well, I wouldn't serve it to company, but it actually wasn't at all bad.........I think I have had worse in some restaurants......

You can tell from the fact that I have chosen the above minor incident to star in today's blog, that life here is rather uneventful and my best bloggyness is still hiding.  Most of my time lately has been devoted to trying not to fall down and trying desperately to introduce a 3rd female cat into a house ruled by 2 other spoiled rotten female cats.  In all fairness to Gussie and Winnie, they are  behaving like real menches while the new little one has the deplorable manners of an alley cat.  I am occasionally a bit cheered when a few hours go by without hearing any spitting, hissing or growling or the strange trilling sound she makes when she just wants to remind everyone that she is not a cat to be messed with. 

I am ashamed to say that I still have not settled on a name for the new arrival..........I usually name my cats after some ancestor or other but I have used up most of those names by now and also she just doesn't look like a Blumenthal......in fact I am afraid she is a shixa....(I am not prejudiced) but she should not go through life under false colors.........definitely not a Sarah or Fanny or Lena.  I have tried out dozens of names to see how they feel rolling off the tongue and still don't have the right one yet.  I began with Geegee (for Growling Girl), quickly skipped to Sugar (too bland) even tried Itsy Bitsy, Teeny Weeny, Green-eyed, Gray Haired Young Catini..........obviously too long even when shortened to Bitsy.  I dunno.......the right one will come to me and fortunately it doesn't seem to matter what I call her,  because when I do call her she ignores me no matter what the name.
I would welcome any suggestions, but I do not promise to use them unless it really works for both of us.

Well, here I sit rather listlessly on a Sunday morning, waiting for the Super Bowl to begin in a few hours (no, I do not watch those endless hours of pre-game hype....... I may occasionally eat cat food but I do have some standards) and am hoping it will be a good one and will dispel this strange ennui which sits heavily upon me today.  In the meantime I have hummingbird feeders to fill, birds and squirrels to feed and a thousand objects in between to NOT trip over.  I guess you could say that I have my work cut out for me.

Results of the "Chicken/Road" Contest

The wonderful Anna Leffler of   http://lifejustkeepsgettingweirder.blogspot.com/

has published the results of her "contest for answers to the  question, "Why Did The Chicken Cross The Road"?

Actually I misinterpreted things a bit....it was not that kind of contest.....no winners....it was more like a challenge......... so if you were expecting me to win, please don't be disappointed:   I am definitely not disappointed....I  would never have produced my own little masterpiece were it not for Anna and her challenge and I am infinitely pleased with myself over my entry. 

I just read all the wonderful,,,yea even incredible......entries (mine included) and was impressed and tickled beyond belief.  All I can say is that we bloggers  are definitely of a superior race.

Here is the link to Anna Leflers blog with  all the entries:

http://lifejustkeepsgettingweirder.blogspot.com/2011/01/big-chicken-link-reveal.html



and below is what was my humble offering.....

ENJOY !

                                     *********************************************************

Hmmmm.........Why DID the chicken cross the road?  

The question appears to be deceptively simple but is actually enormously complex
and could have a myriad of causes not the least of which might be SEX.

So now we must ask whether the chicken was a rooster or a hen
Because everyone knows that the male and female of the species are apt to behave very differently when,

For one reason or another, their libido is aroused or shall we say tickled,
and also we have to determine whether or not the bird in question might have been even slightly pickled;

Because liquor can make even the most straight laced and demure little hen into an lascivious hussy        

who would not be feeling the least bit fussy,

And might go far out of her way
for what is vulgarly known as a roll in the hay.

While everyone knows that no self respecting rooster
is apt to need any booze as a booster.

When sighting a hen
With a yen

Across the road........

So ends Reason #1 of my Ode.

  (with love and thanks to Ogden Nash)

 

Photo Day

Hello, hello, hello, my darlings.  Just checking in with a word or two and, hopefully, a pic or two.

My beloved cousin, Jen, who has schlepped down from Portland many times over the past year to save my life in one way or another is here once again to help me get organized (!).  One of the things on our lists was trying to download a batch of fabulous photos of my raccoons so I can thrill you with some of them.  This is not the moment for a long story so I will merely say that we had both failed miserably with this task the last time she was here.....you could call it a standoff between the download software and us.......that means the software won and refused to function leaving me on the verge of trekking to the store and having someone download the pics onto a disk for me.  Magically, however, she got it to working last nite and I can now attempt to upload a few for your enjoyment.

I'm ready for my close-up, Mr. DeMille

Get in line.

Are ya'  lookin' at ME?

In the next  2 we see Monsieur Raccoon choosing his next delectable morsel of kitty kibble from the bowl while his sibling has a drink.

That is all you get for now.......I promise to post more later.  Right now Jen and I must rush off to Petco and pick up Pink mesh harness for the new kitty......she ain't going out without having me on the other end of the string,

I Can't Believe It----I Have Entered a Blog Contest

The wonderful Anna Leffler of  

http://lifejustkeepsgettingweirder.blogspot.com/

has proposed a contest with the challenge being the best answer to the ever intriguing question, "Why Did The Chicken Cross The Road"?

 Don't ask me why this made me catch fire, but ignite me it did and I simply had to tap out an entry with my answer.  Frankly no one will be more puzzled by my choice of answers than I am and, similarly, no one will be more surprised than I am at the form in which I chose to present my entry.

This was truly one of those cases in which the Muse took over the controls and the seized the use of my fingers and keyboard and only let me see what I had written after it was finished.  This has happened to me a number of times in my writing "career" and it never ceases to amaze and delight me.  Consequently, I was thrilled and delighted with my entry and wish I could say that the fully conscious "I"  had written it.  However, if I win I will  not hesitate to take full credit for it.

I am not going to reveal my entry until after the contest closes on Friday sometime, but I encourage all of you brilliant, charming and amusing folks to go to the above link and enter the contest too.  I welcome competition.  (I think that is a bare-faced lie, but I want Anna's contest to be a smashing success......... she deserves it.) so get out of here at once (after you leave a comment, of course) and go compete!