Promises, Promises

Oh, Shit !  

The Rapture or whatever doesn't seem to have happened.

I guess I'd better go clean the kitty boxes.

The Best Thing Since Sliced Bread?.......One (Crazy) Woman's Opinion

• The serious ab workout for people who don't have the time or energy to workout
• 150 perfect contractions per session
• Contour Does Your Ab Workout for You
• New Moms - Strengthen and tone your abs
• Improve your posture with stronger core muscles

And that's just the teaser.

Those of you who really follow me faithfully may remember that  a few  blogs ago I promised to tell you about the wonderful, weird gift I bought myself?   Well,  here I am to fulfill that promise, as a benevolent service to my fellow bloggers.......no, no, don't thank me yet........having found what I consider to be a little  electric miracle machine I am glad to share the magic with anyone who might feel the need for such.  (I am not an official spokesman for the product nor do I receive any remuneration.)  I am really doing this out of love for the product and the desire to give you the opportunity to be as charmed as I am.)

But as usual with my long winded blogs, we must backtrack 20 or more years for the preface.  Through most of my young and middle and approaching my sort-of-oldish years, I valiantly fought the battle of the bulges.  Not only did I diet unmercifully, but I exercised (before it became fahionable) did Yoga, walked,  rode bicycles, let those rubber-belted torture machines agitate my hips and love handles, roller skated, swam and danced (my Mom taught me the Charleston and it was better than Jane Fonda's workout tapes)......anything to work off a bit of excess blubber.  Very few of the above exertions did me much good at all as far a getting skinny, but it did, I suppose do some good as far as keeping my body in a toned state.  At that time I did not give a fig for a toned state........NON-FAT was what I wanted to be......and  like a water-starved wretch crawling across the desert toward a mythical oasis, I kept on crawling toward the dream.

My eye was always peeled for any new methodology and one day I saw an ad for a salon in Pasadena that had a newfangled machine that was supposed to attack fat with electrical vibrations and exercise your muscles while you lounged on a couch and imbibed lime coolers.  Sounds too good to be true?  Yeh, yeh, I know, but the desperate fall for almost anything, so I hied me off to Pasadena and signed up for a series of treatments with the new gadget......at great expense, incidentally.

The first treatment was a bit offputting as they connected me up to the magic machine with various little pads and electrodes across my middle expanse, flipped the "ON" switch and subjected me to an hour of funny ticklings, pricklings and odd tuggings.  After I got used to it, I found it rather pleasant and because it was so utterly different than anything I had ever felt, I had high hopes that some fat cells might succumb.  Little fool that I was, ten or so sessions later I emerged from this snazzy salon, considerably poorer, sated with lime coolers, tingling around the tummy, but with at least the same number of fat cells as I had when I started, but boy, were those underlying muscles toned to a fare-thee-well.

Fast forward 20 or 30 years and we find dear, old Lo with considerably more fat cells than before, no longer aspiring to "skinny" but merely to be  "mobile" and, worse yet, with muscles un-toned and in such decrepit physical condition as to make it nearly impossible to tone them with regular exercise.  Then lo and behold, (no pun intended) there appears on the laptop computer screen a bit of spam that promises those things you read  at the beginning of this blog.  And it tantalizes me by offering a trial for 30 days at the paltry price of $14.95.  How could I resist.

Incidentally, the device has FDA approval and both my internist and my Cardiologist were delighted to hear I was trying it and encouraged me to continue since they both considered it a very theraputic workout for a battered old soul such as myself.

So here I am about a week after receiving the magic machine which happens to be a little belt sort of like a fanny-pack with 4 sticky patches which you place on your abs when donning the belt.  

Then you activate the brain of this incredible device and tell it how long you want it to tickle you and how strongly you want it to prickle and tug you and then you go about your business for 45 minutes blogging, or watching TV or working in the garden or whipping up a blueberry fruit bread for breakfast or just lying there sipping a lime cooler.

After a week of try-out I was so .....you should excuse the expression,,,,,.tickled that I called to make my full payment and I was even more pleased to find that, by paying for it in a single payment I would get a $20 discount, so instead of it being $199.95 it was only $179.95.  Now that may sound like a huge amount of money to some of you....it sounded like huge amount of money to ME....but when I considered how much better I felt after using it for just a week I decided it was cheap at twice the price.  Not only does it feel good while it is potching and tickling me, but it has really strengthened my core muscles and invigorated me.

Not only can I schlepp my bod out of a chair more easily, but I can fix the kitty plates without having to lean on the sink and I have even been able to go out into the garden and dig a bit.  For me a real dose of magic if not quite a miracle.

If anyone is interested in how to reach Contour's website, just ask and I will post the address here as a comment.  If this helps even one more soul I will be content.

And, if any of you are wondering.......I must confess that I think I have exactly the same number of fat cells as I had last week....the only difference is that it is much easier to schlepp them around.

What's Worse to Be Cut Off From Than Sex, Booze and Cigarettes?

Damn, damn, damn!  I have found myself in the clutches of yet another addiction.  The sneakiest, most insidious one yet.  Sob.

Yesterday was a bloody nightmare from about 11 am right through to 11 am this morning.  There I was placidly munching my morning bran flakes like one of Carnation's contented cows  and clicking on the Blogger Dashboard icon when, suddenly appears the ominous message....."Blogger is not Available".  Gasp.  Surely this cannot be. What can this mean?   Seventy or eighty hysterical clicks later all achieving the same result and I had to face the fact that Blogger was not Available.

I refuse to confess all the things that went through my mind at that final moment of truth.  Furthermore, I refuse to admit the things that went through my mind all day and evening and night as I futilely kept attempting to make the connection.   By bedtime I had to accept the fact that my Bloggy addiction is nearly life- threatening.

With shaking fingers I tapped gingerly  at the keyboard this morning with fear and apprehension clutching at my heart...........tenks gott it didn't tell me that Blogger Was Unavailable............24 hours of deprivation  is over my limit I have found.........sigh.  Now I must go lie down and put cold cloths on my forehead.  I cannot blog today.

More later.

Love,
Herself

Why DoWe Blog For Free.... What Kind of Cockamamie Question Is That?

 I did not intend to do anything as rash a hit "Publish" today.......this is one of the days when I prefer to use my time to catch up on your blogs and leave comments for as many of you as my gnarled, arthritic  fingers can manage, BUT

 

Today, the Empress at    "gooddayregularpeople.com"  asked:  

                                            Why do we blog  for free?

and I just Had to answer.      Hell, there are a million reasons....

 

Because it is our chance to touch our friends in Blogville, share laughs and tears over our morning coffee, give love and feel love from wonderful people whom we may not have met but whom we know better than some of our friends in the real world. And besides all that, except for the time when I had to get up in front of the class and debate some foolishness about Railroads, it is the only time in my long life when a bunch of folks really listen to what I have to say.

 

No, I mean that.  In normal every day conditions we can have a conversation with a friend or relative or even a stranger, but rarely does one get the chance to utter a thousand words without being interrupted or turned off.  Conversation outside of Blogville consists of little bits of give and take which can be wonderful  (or not) but you never get a chance in such circumstances to let your brain develop an idea to its fullest.  I love my friends and relatives, but most of the time....or 4 times out of 5, if truth be told, most people cannot help but interrupt and put in their own 2 cents worth.  And that is mostly OK .....because I do it too...I do believe it is not in our nature to listen endlessly before we simply MUST respond.

Of late, I have noticed that the intervals in which I am allowed to speak get shorter and shorter before someone interrupts and I DO get pissed off sometimes at not being allowed to finish a sentence.  I had begun to think that it was simply because I was too boring to be tolerated, but you dear people out there have proven to me that it ain't true....Godblessand keepyouall.  So I just accept that short exchanges are all that a body can stand when in normal conversation.    I used to ache for a world where I would be allowed to put 4 sentences together  and, praise be, I have found it in the Blogworld.  

Sigh.  All I can say is, not only will I do it for free....I do believe I would even gladly pay for the privilege.

To Maybelline........just kidding.

I Was Only Kidding

Of course, you MUST know that I didn't really mean it when I said I would sit down and shut up.......if you took me seriously, what a ridiculous assumption.

However, having blogged myself hoarse for the past few days I am going to rest my voice for a bit and do some serious stuff around the house here.  For instance, I just discovered a Baggie in the cupboard of various seeds I have bought, collected  and saved for I don't know how many years........in it were about 30 or 40 Sweet Pea seeds (I adore Sweet Peas.....oh, that scent, that color.....yum)  and also 3 zucchini seeds.  ( I love zucchini...I got put off planting them a few years ago when I left a developing plant in the back yard while I went to Italy on vacation and came home to find a monster threatening to eat my house and pussy cats......I mean....how much zucchini bread, zucchini casseroles, zucchini fritters can a person make???...and all out of a single zucchini.)  Anyway, the fright has dissipated somewhat and I decided to try again since I will be here to monitor the size development and pick when judiciously ripe.  So I have these here seeds soaking overnight and I had better go plant 'em....I think I may have missed planting season altogether, but that is one nice thing about California.....you can break a lot of gardening rules.  If my crop exceeds my abilities I may have to secretly ship a few to each of you....you know me....can't stand waste.

I must go now and get dirty, but I promise to return and blog you senseless very soon......a teaser .......I will tell you about the amazing, weird present I have just bought myself and all of the fun I am having with it.  Furthermore, I am willing to bet that at least one of you may not even know of its existence.  You are in for atreat....maybe.

And now.....as I have been know to say........

Love you all.

More Later.

In Which Lo Sits Down and Shuts Up.....After a Few Well Chosen Words

Holy Moly.......I am still ruminating and vibrating over Betsy's comment (and her post yesterday) responding to my scathing rant of May3 about unruly children and  their parents' methodologies, using the religions of the world as part of my argument.

I am trying to decide if I am just irreparably batshit crazy or the bravest damned  idiot on the face of.  After digesting  Betsy's rebuttal to my rant,  I realized that I not only managed to attack Motherhood and God in one swell foop.......but,  had I only thrown in a few comments about what I think of the MFs in Congress, I could have been able to claim an attack on the Flag too.   Thank heaven I didn't mention Apple Pie or Baseball ......(I happen to approve of both of those for the time being.......though sometimes I do wish that Baseball would move along a bit faster.)

First, let me say that I have no intention of trying to rebut Betsy's rebuttal.  I think she and I should just agree to disagree slightly   I am glad  the world can relax in the fact that at least several children are being raised in a calm, logical, respectful home and will obviously escape growing up with warped psyches because of punishments or the fear thereof.

Next, it has become obvious to me that I had better try to clarify my position on the subject of God.  I do not embrace any of the Gods of the major religions.  I am not an Atheist.  I have a huge reverence for everything that exists.  I have a "God" of my own invention.......a force of sublime intelligence which keeps the universe from flying to pieces (even faster than it is ) and I believe that each of us and all things in the universe have a spark of that force within us.  But when living in a world that is God oriented, what are we, the Godless, to do when we have to talk about that inexplicable force or about other people's Gods?  It is for this reason that you will often find the word "god" in my writings.  So sue me. Take the word at it's meaning for you or, better yet, at what you presume is its meaning to me.   Without occasionally using that word to express that concept I cannot write sensibly (or frugally......can you imagine what my blog would be like if I had to say "that-sublime-force-which-dwells-in-all-of-us and keeps-the-universe-from-flying-apart" instead of  just saying  "God") ? Yuk.  It's enough to make a person give up blogging altogether.


Also, please try to recognize in my ramblings and rantings that I am a great believer in Irony and Sarcasm to create a bit of humor.  I am very guilty, I fear, of doing this badly and  blurring the line between those and just plain straight, serious babbling.  I will try to get better at this.....meanwhile, you must occasionally stop and ask yourself, "Does she really mean THAT? or is she just fuckin' with me?".

Now....Fear.   I firmly believe that rampant fear is the basis for everything bad in the world.   I will defend that position to my death.  But, I feel that a little bit of fear is a necessary and good thing.  It keeps us from stepping out into traffic and dancing on the Freeway, from jumping off buildings and trying to fly and from lots of things that would be very deleterious to our well being.  As long as it doesn't reach paranoia proportions, a little bit of fear saves out lives a gazillion times a day.  (you may choose to call it "wisdom".......that's OK......however, I see fear as more powerful than wisdom.......sadly.

Finally, in order to explain  some of the thoughts I expressed in my rant ...... I was really just trying too express my bafflement at children's lack of respect and .....well......of love of their parents when they misbehave remorselessly and inflict pain and torture on those who love them.  I was blessed with a near Saint for a Mother.  As far back as the age of 2,  I remember vividly being upset when something I did caused her pain.  (and it was obvious to me when this happened..........I did not need the threat of any punishment nor did I  fear that she would no longer love me.......I knew her love was unconditional.  As was mine for her.  I loved her hugely and did not want to be the cause of any unhappiness to her so I tried very hard to behave as she wanted me to.  This did not, I believe, scar me for life.  That habit has expanded a bit over the years to include tempering my behavior with everyone I love and even with some that I don't.   Call me crazy.....I can't help it.  Since I personally have felt that way for at least 82 or 83 years it puzzles me mightily why  the current crop of children seem to have or show so little love or respect for their parents.


Because that is how I interpret the behavior of the current generation.  And don't tell me that the idea is too sophisticated or difficult for children to understand because I don't buy that.  Why is it OK to "Always Hurt the One You Love??"

Oh,hell.....what do I know?  I hardly know anything.

Skinny Dipping - Yum Yum and Ho Boy!

5Ahhhhhhhhhmmmmmmmmmmmmmm!

I just had my first absolutely delicious swim of the 2011 season.   Laughingly, I used to call this my $500 swim explaining that I applied all of the costs of having and maintaining a pool to the first swim and then all the rest were FREE.   Uhhuh.  That was back when pool service was $25 per month and water and power was much cheaper and all the equipment lasted for a few years at least..

Considering that I have recently spent thousands to replace my filter and pool motor, more hundreds in expanding my Electrical system  to better power the pool motor, more thousands  installing a salt to chlorine system to replace plain old chlorine (system broke down this year and needs replacing again),   and I don't know how many thousands installing solar heating to warm the pool  water, God only knows how many bucks  to apply to this swim....it ain't cheap I'll tell you........I could probably buy a small Third World Country for less...... but it is still worth it.  (what would I do with a small Third World Country anyway?)

The fact is that exactly 39 years ago I was looking for a house to buy and there was this one on Califa St..  I really remember very little about the house itself as I walked through except that it had some rooms  and did have indoor plumbing.   Then I stepped out the back door and saw this huge, gorgeous aquamarine pool gleaming and rippling in the sunshine and without further ado, I bought a swimming pool which happened to have a house along with it.  And I have never for a minute regretted it.  (well, maybe for a minute or two when  the filter and the motor and the salt-chlorine system all went out this year).

Fortunately, although I have neighbors on each side and aft, I have cleverly managed to plant shrubs and trees and vines, and allow them to become so overgrown and rampant that I have a private little enclosed park/forest of my own which provides 99% privacy so I can skinny dip at will ........which is the only way I like to swim any more.   Oh my.....the feel of the water on totally bare skin is indescribably wondrous and can cure a basketful of ailments, I'll tell you. (If you are wondering about that wayward 1% of non-privacy, I say fuck 'em.....anyone who wants to climb up and peer through a tree to see a zoftig old lady potching around in the pool is welcome to do so).  Right now my solar heating system has the water up to about 85 the dial says...I think it is closer to 80) and when you stand in the shallows where one input vent is located  and let that warm water jet  massage your back, it can't get much better than that, except maybe when you grab the foam kick board, do a few lengths and then just float around as the current takes you in lazy circles with your head resting on your arms on the board and the warm water gently lapping at your dimpled, cellulite thighs.

Before you all end up hating me  I will rush to explain and that, prior to this indulgence today, I did a bunch of potting up, weeding and pruning and clearing of dead stuff in the flower beds, repaired parts of the drip system which I put in a few years ago to water the pots of flowers around the pool,  and hand watered all of the pots just for good measure because it has  been mighty hot here this week and I will have to reprogram the drip system to run for a longer amount of time as summer approaches.  I  was a hot, sweaty, sticky  mess when I realized that I could, after all, take a swim today.......It used to be that I would start in April by poking one foot into the water to test it and if I managed to get away with only one scream I pronounced it fit for swimming.    That meant the temp was about 72.  No, no, no....now it has to be around 80 and no screams if possible.

And so,  in California at least, it has morphed into swimming season and I feel so damned lucky not only to have  a pool, but to still be physically  able to get into it and swim a bit, and, even more important, to still be able to climb up out of it when the dip is over  (getting in is relatively easy because the water supports your weight.....getting out is something else entirely )    ........funny.......39 years ago I would never have even  been able to imagine that being a problem.......next year I will probably have to invent a pulley and hoist system, but this year I will make hay, as they say, while the sun shines.