Seen Everything? Been There? Done That? Wanna Bet?

So you've got this here roly poly 83 year old female shlepping an aching, used up body out of bed on a Sunday morning, wondering if the 3 Sunday football games on TV is enough reason to go on living...........mutter, mutter,  grumble, mumble, shit, piss, fuck.   Why should  a person bother to go on?

But  what can one do  but  ignore the broken hip (mostly healed), the gimpy knee (supposedly fixed by surgery....ha.......) the non working left eye, the arthritic spine and a few other disasters and stagger into the kitchen to check out the hummingbird feeder status.   (yes, yes,  of course it's me.....who else feeds hummingbirds  before having juice or a sip of  coffee even)    Oy!

The little alcove outside my kitchen window has 5 feeders most of which are empty..........a whole passel, a veritable squadron of hummers (is a squadron bigger than a passel?) are doing their whirling dervish dance in the space  between the feeders and the noise is amazingly like a jet plane.   I already have 2  filled feeders on the sink waiting from pre-planning the night before so I fling open the atrium door and rush out,dripping sticky sugar water on naked toes, and hang them in the most preferred locations.  Gathering the empties  I reenter the atrium to find my worst nightmare is realized......there is a jet plane INSIDE the atrium, 19 or 20 feet up where the skylight is located above the spiral staircase to the guest suite.  Sadly there is a gene all hummers carry which tells them that when the sky solidifies above them they must just flap those wings harder and faster till  one of 2 things happen:
                                     1.  the sky unsolidifies
                                     2.  the hummer runs out of gas and faints

I need not tell you that I have never observed the first possible result,  while I have often witnessed the second one.  Consequently, several years ago I purchased a sturdy 6 foot long handled fishing net (suitable for scooping huge fish out of the water into the boat) and keep it handy for possible humming bird invasions. 
Only trouble being that usually they invade the sun room where the skylight is only 8 feet above the floor and quite reachable with the net......what I have here is a near impossible situation...........sigh.

So I retrieve the net from the sun room and grab a stepstool along the way and drag  my aching bones up the spiral staircase to the tippy top landing and find I cannot quite reach the top of the skylight without climbing up on the step stool.  Carefully checking to be sure I have my "Mobile Alert" pendant firmly around my neck, I climb up one step and there I totter, sweeping back and forth with the net in the skylight trying to net the bird while the creature, undoubtedly more adept than myself, manages to avoid every swipe, still flapping frantically and waiting for the  sky to unsolidify.  Finally, after about 3 or 4 minutes of this I decide that if there is one thing in the world I don't want it is another broken something from a fall off of a stepstool and the top of a spiral staircase.  My one remaining active braincell flickers and I descend to a solid stance on the top step just at the same moment that Mr. or Ms. Hummer faints.  Tenks gott.

To take you out of your misery I'll make a long silly story shorter and report that, after a frantic search, I found my victim lying on the window sill halfway up the stair, gently enclosed the precious creature in my hand, carried it outside and shoved the open beak into the feeding hole of the nearest feeder and just waited, praying that I would not have to resort to the drop of brandy I administered in an earlier rescue.  In a few seconds I felt the wings gave a few tremors and I opened my hand to see the victim dash off into the sky which, fortunately, did NOT solidify over him.

At this point I was the one who needed the brandy...... (Damn I wish I could still drink the stuff).......and as I sank limply into my recliner I realized that I had just managed to save a hummer AND live through a brand new adventure.............maybe it is too soon to cash in my chips after all.   Guess I'll stick around and see what happens to morrow.
                   

The Sky Is Falling....or Has the Roof Just Fallen In ?

Well, the dreaded thing has happened........one of my devoted followers  (Betsy) has abandoned polite patience and has burst out with direct demands that I reactivate the ol' blogging machine.  She didn't exactly say "or  else" but it was implied and I, being a devout coward about abandonment, am scrambling to find the right button to push....is there one labelled "Resume Blogging"?  ......oh damn, why are there so many buttons on this thing and none of them have identifying labels?

Oh, sorry....... THAT machine is the new mobile phone I just purchased, which has visible numbers, tenks gott, but the letters that go with them are so tiny that I need my strongest magnifier to even see that they exist,  not to mention needing  my page magnifier to read the instruction booklet which, in my opinion, is just like all the technical manuals I encountered during my computer career.  In order to understand what the manual is telling you to do you must already know how to do what you are asking it how to do.

How in the hell do those kids text so rapidly when I have been practicing for hours to memorize which letters go with which digits and have only been able to enter about 4 phone numbers and names into my Contacts List????   I,who used to pride myself on doing hexadecimal arithmetic (base 16) almost as fast as decimal (base 10), am totally defeated by a stupid gadget that 5 year olds are adept at using....while they are not even standing still, but walking around hopping up and down and/or dancing , no less............"what IS the world coming to?",.  I ask bleakly.  Obviously, I am not fit for it. Sob.

To put  into words  the most ridiculous understatement I can conjure up, this has not been my best week.  It began when I tried to access my old mobile phone account with ATT (as Shakespeare would say, "A pox on them!"  before he fainted dead away at what the world has turned into)  and was rebuffed unceremoniously with "incorrect password".  Since I was staring at my notes in my password book I see that I have entered the correct password......(yes, of course I have a password book.....doesn't everyone?    I mean....when I started out with my own computer I was warned about the advisability of using different passwords for different applications so that the  boogeymen wouldn't get me.  I know better now, but it is too late to change all of them to "abc123".....)

I next endeavored to simply retrieve my password from ATT.  That didn't work because 326 tries resulted only in several holes in the wall nearest my head.  Each time I came close to being able to read the password they were revealing to me on my phone screen the screen went black and I failed miserably at this so called simple process.  Next, several hours were spent on the phone with  both robotic and live calling partners in various departments of ATT, punching in interminable lists of numbers and choices for both robotic and supposedly live personages and getting nowhere except back to the  beginning.  At this point the walls nearest my head resembled a bombed out village in Iraq and I had to move my position many times to find a fresh wall to beat my head against.  I also was having difficulty hearing any directions that came to me from the phone due to the bells ringing inside my head.

I next tried to simply change my password.  None of the supposedly simple automated methods worked.   After waiting for 42 minutes to be allowed to speak to a live tech person in the correct department and hearing, "Hello, this is Janet" followed by the dial tone, I gave up this fruitless self torture and hied me to the nearest Walmart to try to purchase a new, uncomplicated cell phone.  That, my dears, may be the 2nd most difficult thing in the world to achieve next to World Peace.  After several hours I finally settled for one which has a camera but no keyboard and staggered home a bloody and totally beaten human specimen.  Which brings you up to date on where I was when I began this post and pretty much where I have  been while NOT blogging lately..

 During the 24 hours since the above carnage the bells in my brain have quieted and I have been slowly attempting to subjugate myself to this new infernal machine, but I must confess, progress is slow and I am not sure if I will ever  be completely whole again.  However, I am thrilled to report that at least I can remember my new cell phone number.........or is that the one I had before the last one....?  Sob.........

Confession Time

You really should thank Qandlequeen  at "A walk Through My Little World"  for rousing me from my zombie like state to post a few words today.  I hope she will not hate me for stealing her stuff.

http://dementiawoman.blogspot.com/2010/09/question-of-day-sept-39-2010.html

She asked, "What was the latest thing you fished out of your trash ?"
Below was my comment and I find the idea so intriguing that I will continue her challenge.  And do go visit her blog....she is great.

Confess if you dare.

 Comment left by yours truly:


OK......I'll tell you, but you must promise not to tell anyone.

After I brushed my teeth this AM I tossed the mostly used tube of toothpaste into the trash basket and then I was wrestled to the ground by my Depression Era mentality. It still had about a half dozen squeezes left in it and I hate waste, so........sigh.

The Inner Voice Says, "Shut Up and Just Listen"

"You cannot learn much of anything when you are doing all the talking."
                                                                                Lois Stearns Daily     


You lovely devoted followers have undoubtedly noticed that my blogging habits are a bit irregular and undependable.  Sorry about that.  When I started this  blog I was naively under the impression that I could sit down every day of the week and blab incessantly on any subject providing my audience, if not fascinating. at least readable fare without ever developing a cramp in my blabbing muscles.  WRONG.  I had completely forgotten an aspect of my being that I thought I had overcome but that occasionally pokes its ugly head out of the water and spits mud in my eye.  Sometimes I feel  that I have nothing worthwhile to say.  At those times I would rather listen than talk.  It is then that I wend my way through all of your lovely, profound, irreverent  blogs and am both inspired by your brilliances and soothed and reassured by your simplicities. 

 When I was a child I had absolutely no social skills. (can you believe it?)  Even worse, I was in no way cute or adorable in feature or form, an unlovely child, short, pudgy, clumsy,with no graceful ways and with a brow constantly furrowed with worries wondering what bolt of lightning was going to come out of left field and set my bloomers on fire next.  I was agonizingly,  painfully shy and so thin skinned that if a passing dog looked at me unkindly I would want to hide myself behind a tree and weep.  I had one or two neighborhood friends but we related almost accidentally and I still had not a clue about how to engage in the art of conversation.  Thank heaven there were games which required little conversing except for the times when bitter arguments broke out and everyone went home mad.

I got through my young years in the most blundering fashion, sort of staggering down the long hallway of life first bumping into the left hand wall and then crashing into and careening off the right one. It was a painful  sort of existence only lightened and cushioned  slightly by my luck in having an invisible asset.....a fairly extraordinary intelligence.  Once I learned to read my world changed and I had access to as many wonderful friends as I could gobble up from those amazing things called books, but sadly, these friends demanded no interaction on my part so I still did not have a clue about how to relate to real people.

In books, people always seemed to know exactly the right thing to say to each other......and, no matter how I examined the pages and the words, I never could figure out how they could all be so damned clever.   During rare moments when I would fantasize and  timidly interject myself into the plot, just like in life, I could never think of anything worth saying and got myself out of there as quickly as possible, mind blank, trembling and panting with terror.

My education, both High School and College did little to improve my skills.  There were a few times when I could exchange words with someone comfortably on a subject on which I was informed  and passionate about, but generally I found myself half listening to what was  being said while desperately trying to come up with something clever or funny to interject and my success rate ranged from awful to abysmal......consequently I was more or less tolerated because I was a "good kid" or because I was the only one who had a car but not highly rated in the "Life of the  Party" department.  I suffered terrible pangs of insecurity and felt an abject failure as a social being.  And so it went until my 25th year when  I entered into a project that would change my life in innumerable ways......I went into partnership with a ceramist, my new friend Peggy, and joined her in her studio, thereby exposing myself to a completely new (for me) segment of the population.....the Wild Artist Colony of  Los Angeles.

I cannot explain exactly how these new people differed from those I had known up to this point in my life but different they were and, since we always had a succession of drops-ins and kibbitzers, I was even more at a loss about how to shine or even  be accepted as a member of the clan than ever.  I felt like I knew nothing, had nothing worth uttering to contribute and the only way I could prevent exposing my ignorance, lack of sophistication, deficiency in judgment, dearth of talent and general worthlessness as human  being would be to simply shut up and say nothing..........Which I put into practice immediately if not sooner.  My only option was to listen ardently and carefully  to what everyone else said......... to possibly learn something and meanwhile, if I kept my mouth shut, except to ask a pertinent question occasionally, perhaps I could keep anyone from discovering what a schlubb I was. 

The results of my desperate plan were amazing and totally unexpected.  It seemed particularly true when single individuals popped in for a chat session.........it seemed they did not mind at all being forced to talk about themselves for hours as long as I kept asking sensitive questions.  I needed to know NOTHING to participate in these chats....I did not need to utter clever phrases.......I did not even have to be funny.......just attentive.  And,to my amazement, a line formed around the  block.

I had found the Sorcerer's Stone.....Though I did not think I was really dead, this was obviously  heaven.  I had discovered a way to fool the public into the illusion  that I was wise without having any wisdom whatsoever,  without any risk of making a fool of myself and without having to expend  any effort since I found that I really WAS interested in what the person was saying.  Because, by some further miracle of miracles, no matter what else they said, they all revealed to me that they had the same agonies, the same or similar demons and the same kinds of insanities that I suffered from. Up to this point in my life it had appeared to me that the rest of the world was completely normal and I was the only one who  was lost and crazy.   Not only did I feel no longer an outcast but I felt that I had finally found a place where I belonged..........I could hide among the crazy, brilliant and unconventional Artists forever and not have to wonder for a moment what I should say next.   "Nothing" was not only acceptable but seemed to be much preferable to "yatayataya"............who knew?

Sadly, I found that this profound truth  does not work when you are confronted with someone who is so insecure and fearful of their image (as I was)  that they cannot risk revealing a morsel of what they have been struggling for years to keep stuffed  in the back of the cupboard.  In such cases it is necessary to do a quick reversal and be the one who confesses and shares bravely.  Two people trying to employ the same strategy makes for unspeakable discomfort not to mention unbearable boredom.  Oy, does it ever.

Unfortunately, over the years I have gotten quite a bit more blabby but I have never forgotten the Main Mantra.....When in Doubt -  Shut Up!

camels I have known

These, of course are Turkish camels.......I have also known some Egyptian camels, but can't find their photos right  now.    I am assuming that camel # 3 in the bottom row is wearing a muzzle like device to keep her/him from biting the patrons.   Of course, I could be wrong....that may simply be the latest chic fashion in camel wear.

No more tonite.  Happy dreams everyone.                                                                             

More Turkey Anyone?

I think I downloaded a few more shots of Turkey yesterday....if I can find them I will post them.    The top shot is of some amazing    hot spring baths which have formed natural pools among the limestone stalagmites (or is it stalactities?)   When we visited the weather was very dry so the pools were scant but the terrain is really            amazing.   We met this  incredibly beautiful calico cat among the ruins of Finiki I believe.   And the squirrel  I met somewhere along the way  even though I did not    have a peanut in any pocket.       Dammit, I had one more set of pics but I cannot locate them right now so I will just send these off and follow up later.      No, that is a lie.....I have located them, but somehow they got zipped and      blogger does not seem to have the technique to deal with that so I will have to download them again being sure that no zippers are anywhere around.  Sob.                                                                                                               

                                                                          

A Stroll Down Memory Lane in Pictures

I am so preoccupied with trying to rid myself of various kinds of debris deposited upon me during my worst years of hoarding and pack-ratting that I cannot concentrate on creating blogs with words so I will resort to pictures again.

I just downloaded an odd selection of pics from some of my trips, Turkey, Lake Como, Italy, Paris.  Let's see if I can locate them in my files and offer you a nosh.  To see them better just click on the photos.

At the left is the courtyard of the Louvre with the original building in the rear and I.M.Pei's glass pyramid in the foreground.  I am still not sure I really like the pyramid next to the palace, but then nobody cares what I think.

Top right shows a ritual I always go through when I am in France ( and elsewhere, if I can do it).  Once located in my hotel room I go out and wander the streets till I find a Flower Shop, buy myself a bouquet to brighten my room.  This was a very modest but comfy little room 2 blocks from Notre Dame with a lovely view outside beyond that gorgeous wrought iron window grille railing.  I couldn't have been happier at the Ritz.  In fact, at their prices I would not have been happy there at all.  I hate ostentation and overspending.

Bottom left.....couldn't resist one of the tyical black cats of Paris in a Paris doorway.

Bottom right......I am not absolutely sure this belongs in my pics of Paris....for all I know it might have been Greece or Turkey, but I fell in love with this Lion wherever the hell he is.  Please don't sue.

These 3 shots were taken in one of the most glorious places in the world, Bellagio, Italy on  Lake Como.

There is Lois, sleeves rolled up, getting ready to tuck into a meal.....from the angle of the sun I would guess breakfast or maybe lunch on the balcony of our hotel overlooking the lake.  The photo on the right is from the same vantage point showing part of the view from the cafe balcony looking across the lake (navigable by frequent ferries which docked right next to our hotel.....sooooo convenient.)

Same cafe balcony.  Of course, I always manage to find some critters to feed and the wonderful water fowl on the lake did not disappoint.  Not a bad turnout for just some crumbs,.

These 3 pics were taken along the Turquoise Coast of Turkey.  This is another glorious part of the world.  I believe they were shot near the town of Pamukale.  The ruins on the right were fascinating.....amazingly well preserved.  As you can see they had been carved right into the cliff and represent a good part of a town.  Awesome. 

The falls were encountered on a lovely boat ride we took up the coast......I wish I would have been able to kayak around there like those lucky folks....well, maybe next time.

Ah, this is a sight that makes me faint with joy.....an assortment of Turkish homemade breads on the buffet.  The food on this trip was incredible.....I love Mediterranean/Middle Eastern cuisine and the meals were mind boggling and waistline destroying.


Well, that is enough for one offering.  I have made myself so hungry that I must rush off and stuff my face with something delectable.  I suggest you do the same.