A Ray of Sunshine

Sorry to have kept you all in suspense over my continuing schlepp down the road of life.....for a while there I had no time for frivolities like blogging.....too preoccupied with screams and shrieks.

Do not want to jinx myself, but I am happy to report that I have had a couple of good days, relatively speaking and today I did not even need any pain meds.  Huzzah.   I have been able to get some good sleep in and that is a real blessing.  Hoping to continue climbing out of the torture chamber.  Will try to keep you updated.  Don't write me off.  I ain't done yet.

Had some interesting insights while struggling with pain.......realized how damned little everything else matters.

Love, Lo

SPF and WTF or Perhaps WTF and SPF

Faithful reades will surely have no trouble translating my cryptic title and for all of you unfaithful readers....the hell with ya'.

I was hoping that by this time I would be back to my revoltingly cheerful self, but it ain't so.   I am still struggling with the damned sciatica and my failing vision and alternating between cursing, groaning, whining and kicking the furniture and the dog.  (no, there is no dog).  All of this has fiercely addled my brain so be unsuprised by whatever odd things come out of my mouth or, more precisely, dribble out of my fingertips.

I am only here because I promised you all I would utter a few noises from time to time to let you know that your earnest blogger was still alive and kicking......well.....kicking anyway.  So here I am.

There is no way to describe my mood.....not even this word fanatic can come up with the proper words so I will simply say that I am doing my damndest to cope.  Not very graciously, I am afraid......hence all the Shitpissfucks.  

Well, anyway, the good news is that, while I am unable to find a pain free position in a horizontal orientation like the bed, sitting upright on my  hard dining chair at my computer is relatively comfy (???).......I have seriously considered closing the Laptop, putting a pillow on the lid and trying to get a nite's sleep sitting right here....that would also save me from having to transport my ungainly self  from the bedroom to the computer each morn as I rise from my bed of nails lurching creepily like the Creature from the Black Lagoon and scaring the cat, so I guess I should think about taking the idea seriously.  If I could see better I could spend my upright hours blogging endlessly for your amusement or edification, but correcting all my typos is too laborious for that to work out well.  Sigh.  I guess we all simply have to keep slogging (or lurching) forward and see what happens.

Of course my mood was not improved in the slightest on Friday when I watched a phenomenon occur on Wall Street and missed profiting from it only because of pain, laziness and a weakened spirit.  On Thursday the Google we all know and sometimes love reported their quarterly earnings.  This act often makes the reporting company's stock go up or down mightily and I had intended to position myself to take advantage of any bounce that might occur if Google beat estimates, but failed to do so because the market closed before I was able to enter my transaction.  I could have bought a single call option giving me the right but not the obligation to buy 100 shares of Google at $900 or so per share  (yes  very pricey as they say in New England).....said option only costing me a couple of bucks.  Imagine my consternation when, upon arising and lurching in on Friday morn, I discovered that Google had jumped up 60 points at the market open and showed no signs of ceasing to rise even further as the day wore on.   In plain English, had I wisely invested the $200  on Thursday, I would have been more than $6000 (yes, thousand) richer on Friday.  Sob.  I think this may be the perfect moment for me to utter my last Shitpissfuck of the day.

Stay tuned for the next chapter, folks.  No one including me knows what will happen next, but when I find out I will be sure to let you in on it......should you really, really want that.........

Love, Lo

All the News That's Fit to Print ??!!

That means that this will be a short blog.......my mutterings these days are mostly epithets of the unpublishable kind and lots of shitpissfucks which become ineffective with too much repitition.  I am checking in to reassure all you lovely people that I am still here.  The reason for my foul utterings is the damned sciatica which is stubbornly hanging on making it impossible for me to get my bod into a painfree position of the horizontal persuasion.......that means hardly any sleep for days on end.  

Actually,  "on end" is about the only way I have been at all comfortable but on a comfort scale of 1 to 10 that still only rates about 1/3 if not less.  Oy.  I have been lurching around here like an afflicted Quasimodo pausing only between "Ouch" and "Oy Veys" to intersperse a few SPF's.  Not only am I not a pretty sight, but offensive to the ears to boot.  I will cautiously venture a bit of optimism though because I only counted a half a dozen of said shrieks last nite and I think I may have actually gotten 60 consecutive minutes of sleep several times between dusk and dawn.

However, on the bright side, the weird sore throat I was experiencing for several weeks has finally  mostly abandoned its position and that is a Good thing.  I always used to say you can only feel one severe pain at a time.  Wrong.  I have discovered that one's throat and ones ass can both hurt excruciatingly at the same time, a bit of knowledge I really could have lived my life out without knowing.  

Since you all seem to be willing to have me cry on your shoulders, I must report that the death toll continues.......the husband of one of my dearest friends lost his battle and checked out a week after my cousin Lee......I never even I had a chance to rid the floor of all the soggy Kleenex before I started adding to the pile.  I cry not for him but for her.  His pain is ended, hers is not.......I can do nothing but send sympathy and love and I feel helpless as well as sad.  I did send some Lindt Chocolate Truffles  last week and she told me that he was able to eat one before the end and I am somewhat comforted by the idea that, if one must die,  doing so with the lingering taste of a Truffle on one's tongue may be the best way of all.  I hope you do not think me revoltingly insensitive.......the fact is, we all gotta go and, for myself, I would hope that I could depart licking the last heavenly crumb of Lindt from my lips.

Oh, yes, the Stock Market, which is my main entertainment these days (think of it as the snob's Las Vegas) has suddenly tanked and I am busily engaged in learning to play the short side of the down market.  As my sainted Mama used to say, "Never a dull moment"........she also used to say "It's always something....."


and with that I think I will quit my blubbering and go tease, tantalize and tickle a cat using a pink feather tied to a string.  That always makes both of us smile, and maybe tomorrow will be better.  My Puts on the NASDAQ could begin to pay off.

As my buddies and I used to say back in our youth, 
"See ya' later, Alligator !"  And "Twenty-three skidoo too".

MY COUSIN, LEE

                                                                                                  

 My beloved cousin, Lee, died on Thursday, a day after his 87th birthday.
t
He was a remarkable man, an amazing human being, a beautiful soul.

He was wise, warm, loving, compassionate, caring,  creative, brilliant, sensitive, funny..... with a heart so big he must have had an invisible sidecar because it could not possibly have fit into that lanky body.......and I am already missing him like crazy.

He was my only real first cousin, the son of my dad's wonderful sister, Esther whom I called Aunt Es and he called Nonnie.  My other precious cousins are really my first cousins once removed since they were my mom's first cousins and, since she was an only child there were no first cousins for me on that side of the family.

He was also my last relation who was a contemporary of mine.  Now there is no one left to reminisce with about childhood in the 1930's, about the great old songs, the Big Bands,  the real Movie Stars, about Grandma Lena, Grandpa Izzy and Uncle Willie who was so stingy he used to tell my father to not waste butter like that.....just put a little bit in the middle of the piece of bread and eat all around the slice so you get a taste of the butter with each bite.

I will no longer get to laugh at his jokes, even the ones he has told me a hundred times before.   No more salivating over the vivid memory of Grandma Lena's Sweet and Sour Cabbage Rolls, no more doubling up with laughter over the time my dad tried to unstick the glass stopper in Esther's 4 ounce bottle of Shalimar perfume. (he called Carnegie Tech Science Dept. and got their best advice about tying a string around the neck of the bottle, setting it on fire and being able to lift the top neatly off.  Yeah, sure.  What really happened was the bottle disintegrated dousing my dad's trousers in 4 ounces of Shalimar which was really a good thing because the  burning string fell on them and who knows what mighthave happened....and, I have hated that perfume ever since because, of course,he insisted on hanging those pants in the closet at home and we never were able to escape that scent no matter what.)
tNo more sighing over how we used to assemble his set of Original Lionel Trains and tracks all over the gold silk living room carpet when we went to visit.  No more remembering the times we climbed the funny stairway to the attic that happened to have been built into the closet in the guest room.  No more of a myriad of things that stretch back over 86 years because we were nearly the same age......he had about 8 months on me and had manged to last one day past his 87th bithday.

Shitpissfuck! 

Bless you, Lee......I'll never forget you for whatever that is worth.  Don't worry about me.....I'll be OK and I hope to  hell you are having fun wherever you may be.

Love, Lo

Holy Crap......Is That What I Said????

 Well folks, the time has finally come for me to try that damned Dragon program again whereby I dictate my thoughts and the computer prints them out… Hopefully.  And  pigs will someday fly.
I have no idea how this is all going to come out… I plan to leave any funny bits for your amusement… That is, if there are any funny bits. All we can do is hope.

Sadly, the damned program has forgotten all the dirty words I taught it last time. In fact, as I recall, one of the reasons I got disgusted and gave up on this Thing was because each time I taught it a naughty word and it finally got it right, it promptly forgot in the next session everything it had learned at the last lesson.  A person could lose faith in technology very quickly, I can tell you. After teaching it."SHITPISSFUCK" a dozen or more times and having it forget it A dozen or more times . My rent level… Whoops There it goes taking off on its own and making arbitrary decisions about what I said when it doesn't have a clue. What that should have been was rant level, but it's easy to understand why it thought I said rent. So I'll forgive it for now. I don't know why, incidentally, it keeps shoving in capital letters where they don't belong, but I'll figure that out later. OY.

I think what I was going to say a few sentences back was something about my getting ready to begin ranting at the least provocation. And heaven knows, there will be a lot of them no doubt......provocations, that is.... I must admit that it's doing pretty well so far. Of course, I have had to make a number of corrections along the way and I I had to type" ship this fall. Ships up up up up up up up… The whooPS… There it goes again… I did not, under any circumstances utter the words ." Ship this fall." And the up up up stuff is how it interprets my laugh. Whenever I try to get it to say ,"shitpissfuck" it insists on trying to ship something. I haven't tried yet today to go to the option of teaching it new words, I do not have the will or the energy to attempt that project right now.….Maybe later.

Just for spite. I notice that this infernal program is trying its best to frustrate me it in a different way today….When it does screw up, it isn't doing it in its usual laugh provoking manner… Oh you devious piece of software….I may just have to start uttering my handful of year dish phrases… No, no, no….That was supposed to be Yiddish phrases….Well, I think you get the idea. Anyway, I intend to persevere and get this thing whipped into shape or my name ain't…… Now what was my name…… It was right here on the tip of my tongue A minute ago.

Hell and dam no no no….Not that kind… Damn… Yes that's right… Hell and damn, I am sorry I couldn't provide you with some belly laughs. Perhaps next time I can make the thinygram no no not  him oh shipped up up up up up....... misbehave in a more entertaining fashion. There, that's better.  Today I am simply experimenting to see what I can get out of it. The truth is if I can get this working in a fairly acceptable manner it will make it so much easier for me to communicate via the computer. You guys will have to bear with me while I try to get it going properly. Wish me well.  Sigh!

 
....... ship  Ships up up up up up up up… The whooPS… There it goes again…   Sigh!  Oy.

Now if you were expecting any news, updates, revelations, or confessions you are just shit out of luck. I am totally overjoyed to report that there have been no new crises, disasters, or general fuck ups. (Of course, I typed in  that last word manuallyschooling forgods sake whaty    ooops, sorry…… This program does not know the word fuck ups…just the deed......Ha… Hopefully in time it will!

Gripe, Gripe. Complain, Complain.....What Ever Happened to Pollyanna?

             Well, dammit, there is obviously no use waiting around for the day when I once again feel ippsy pippsy, when I am brimming over with mental health and goodwill toward men, when my vision is clear and my sciatic nerve is no longer sending zingers up and down  my leg and stabbing me in the fanny.......I figure I had better blog something or they will be sending the St. Bernard with the keg of brandy around his neck out to find me in the snowdrifts.  Hmmmm, now that I think of it, that is not such a bad idea........

My spirits are low and my heart is full of sadness......being besieged from all sides with bad news and poor prognoses.  Face it folks,  that is what happens when a person gets to be as old as Methuselah.......I was just talking to an old buddy of 89 and she agreed with me 100%.......feh...... who needs to be agreed with on something like that?  Sigh.  Anyway, I still possess a shred of decency and worry about my dear followers worrying about me, so here I am, all warts, prickles, snapping teeth and snarls and growls, popping up on your laptop screens to utter a cheery "Hi" and assure you that I am still alive and very much kicking.

No, goddammit, I have still not taken any photos of Paulie......wanna make something of it?  In my own defense I will mention that the digital camera is lying here on the table beckoning flirtatiously at me and the video camera has been unearthed, prepped with new batts and left within grabbing distance, but I am oddly resistant to accomplishing taking pictures or, for that matter, doing almost anything.  Didja ever have a day/week/month like that? 

Actually I blame it all on Apple, that damnable stock which has been giving me fits for a few years now, and if I had the brains God gave Ostriches (I hear their brains are smaller than their eyes)....I would just take my lumps and get out with my life......my relationship with Apple can only be compared with an abusive marriage and I am the stupid, masochistic idiot wife without the gumption or good sense to pack up and leave.  (well, there was that one time when it was up about 200 points and I thought about taking my profits but I could not make myself push the button on the Sell ticket becaus I was sure it still had some Up left in it........oh, never mind.)

On the bright side, my precious Finches are still flitting back and forth happily, munching lettuce and Millet and laying eggs that never seem to hatch which is OK by me, splashing gaily in their swimming pool and sitting on their perches with eyes closed listening avidly while I sing old songs to them.  They obviously think I am the world's greatest vocalizer and I do not intend to tell them they could be mistaken.  I just have to make sure they never hear anyone else sing anything.

And my adorable Paulie Klibancat continues to fill me with joy whenever I give her the chance.  She is being spoiled rotten but not showing any signs of spoiledrottenness.  A true miracle cat.

Now, if I could only get these mashed potatoes out of my head and have someone reinstall my brain so I can think straight again things might be looking up.  Meanwhile, I will just settle into the recliner with the wonderful massaging chair cover and listen to some more Books on Tape.  If you wonder where I am you can look for me there.  Reclining chairs, massaging chair covers and Recorded Books are among the true blessings of this world.  I highly recommend them no matter what is wrong with you....or even if nothing is.  Oh, lordy, don't tell Miss Bruestle my 8th grade English teacher that I not only wrote but published that sentence.  She'll make me stand in the corner...........

Newsflash to PETA,,,,,,,,Angels Sometimes Wear Fur

Just a few lines to update you on the situation with me and Precious. Incredible, Adorable Paulie KlibanCat.   It must be very few lines because I just do not have any spare time away from head petting, tummy rubbing, chin scratching and murmuring sweet nothings into those dear little ears......I mean, I have  big time commitments here and everything else is lower priority.  

It could be said that I am in love.  (sorry Joeh.....you will just have to share me)

Ya' know, I have had cats.   I have had cats up the giggy for most of my life, and like lovers or husbands, no two are alike and some are, well, just better than others.  Not saying that I have not loved them all and done my best for each and every one of my darlings, but, face it, I would be lying if I said I did not find certain of them special.  This Paulie cat is beyond special.  In 7 days she has mended the hole, nay chasm,  in my heart and filled it up with milk and honey to overflowing.  

I will tell you more next time about what I know of her life before we found each other.   Call it kismet or karma or serendipity or whatever, but it certainly wasn't chance. I consider it one of my miracles that we have found each other.   Grateful?  For sure, but what a puny word that is.


I promise some photos soon.  Hell, I may even post a video of me singing to her.   I have been tuning up the voice and practicing one of my old favorites....."Just In Time"......